


She Made It Easy

by J_Stor10



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Adora (She-Ra) is a Dork, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Catra Goes to Therapy (She-Ra), Catra is a jerk, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Human Catra (She-Ra), Lesbian Adora (She-Ra), Lesbian Catra (She-Ra), Oblivious Adora (She-Ra), Oblivious Catra (She-Ra), Past Drug Addiction, Past Drug Use, They Live In a Trailer Park, but she's working on it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:22:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 58,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28581939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_Stor10/pseuds/J_Stor10
Summary: Catra is done with rehab and has been living sober for a couple years in her bitch of a mother's old trailer. She shouldn't be surprised to see Adora again after 5 years of no communication, especially since Adora's elderly grandmother lives across the street from Catra and has since the girls were in kindergarten. That's where they met, after all. But Catra's still working through her problems, and she might not remember how to interact with Adora after everything that went down between them senior year of high school.-or-Catra and Adora meet five years later. Catra is sober. Adora is yearning. Can these two crazy kids learn to communicate?
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 76
Kudos: 239





	1. A Reunion of Sorts

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. I will put this here. It's admittedly my first fan fic. So enjoy. Or don't, I won't know unless you tell me. Speaking of which, I love pain, so if you hate it... tell me. 
> 
> I drew on my own experiences in terms of writing Catra, but the girl in still a mystery to me this day even after having binged the show multiple times. She's just so complicated and complex. I love her. 
> 
> Anyways, here.

Catra shouldn’t have been suprised. She was stuck in her hometown and it was only a matter of time until she ran into Adora again. She was from Etheria too, after all. Catra had seen Bow and Glimmer around, but she had done a pretty decent job of avoiding them undetected. They didn’t really run in the same circles anymore, anyway, not since high school ceased to be a tether between them. Glimmer and Bow wouldn’t be caught dead in the trailer park Catra lives at, even if they knew she lived there. 

Truthfully, even back in high school, Adora was the only person that truly knew the dire situation of Catra’s financial situation. Catra had lived in a small, two-bedroom trailer with her mom, who had decided to blow all their savings on booze and drugs. And Adora only knew because her grandmother, Razz, had lived perpendicular across the dirt path from Catra. That’s how Catra and Adora first met. She had been over at her grandmother’s house, baking pies, when she spotted a sullen Catra sitting on the white plastic chair outside her own trailer, and with the eagerness of the bubbly six-year-old she was at the time, had giddily asked the young girl to help out.

Catra had initially been hesitant, but surprisingly it didn’t take long for Adora to break down her walls. She was an exception. 

Now, seventeen years later, Razz was getting old. Since she moved back into the trailer, every so often Catra would go over to Razz’s and clean her trailer for her, water the flowerbeds out front, do other things that Razz was now too old to manage doing herself. But Catra had a job, she couldn’t be there for Razz all the time, even though the elderly lady probably needed it. So, yeah, she shouldn’t have been surprised as she sat on the same exact plastic and watched as a beat-up red pick-up truck rumbled up the dirt path and stopped in front of Razz’s trailer. 

Catra put a cigarette to her lips and lit it with one hand, watching intently. A minute passed before a girl with blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail and broad shoulders jumped out of the car, closed the door behind her, and moved to start collecting items from the bed of the pick-up. She called out to the occupant inside the trailer, “Razz, I’m here! Can you open the door!?”

Adora.

Catra’s heart twisted, but she forced the expression on her face to remain neutral. She had hated Adora for the better part of the last five years. Blamed her for everything that had happened between them. She was growing now, talking to a therapist, not relying on drugs and alcohol, learning to accept some of the blame that was rightfully hers. But that didn’t stop the guilt flaring in her chest to mix with a rage that had never quite disappeared. A rage at Adora. A rage at Adora leaving her. 

She didn’t know how to feel.

Catra ran a hand through her short hair and puffed on her cigarette as Razz opened the door and gingerly moved to greet her granddaughter. Razz’s voice was softer than what Adora’s had been, so Catra couldn’t make out what she was saying as she leaned and hugged Adora. Once they pulled away, Adora went back to collecting items from the bed and Razz made her way back to the trailer. Before reaching the door, she turned towards Catra, raising the broom in her hand.

“Hello, Catra, dearie! Mara’s back, so you won’t have to clean up my messes anymore!” she shouted and entered the trailer before Catra could respond. Catra suppressed a chuckle. Mara was Adora’s mom. As Razz grew older, and so did Adora, she more frequently started calling Adora by Mara’s name. 

Catra remembered the first time she did it. Catra and Adora were around eight, wrestling in Catra’s measly front yard, when Razz called Adora in for lunch. “Mara, I made sandwiches!” she had yelled. At the time, the children had burst out laughing. It didn’t seem so funny anymore. 

What also wasn’t funny were eyes Catra could feel burning a hole through her skin. She dropped the butt of her cigarette and snuffed it out with the heel of her shoe, raising a hand to Razz’s disappearing backside, flicked a glance over to Adora, and went inside her own trailer, throwing the door shut behind her.

Only once she was inside the safety of her own home did she allow herself to think about Adora, what she had looked like. She still wore her straw blonde hair in that dumb ponytail. She was wearing an oversized and faded grey University of Etheria hoodie over a pair of khaki cargo shorts and high-top white converse. Or what used to be white. Even from a distance, Catra could tell she had that same intense, bright blue stare, eyes sparkling. But Catra noticed something else there. Surprise.

…

Adora finished moving the rest of her minimal belongings into the second bedroom of the trailer before going out to join Razz in the joint living room/ kitchen area. She sat at the table, putting her head in her hands, and sighing deeply.

She had seen Catra. Catra was living in her old trailer, right across from Razz. Right across from Adora, now. Adora honestly thought she would never see her childhood best friend ever again, not with the way things ended.

“Tea, Mara dearie?” Razz asked, bustling about, albeit more slowly than she used to, in the kitchen. Adora didn’t even try to correct her on the name thing anymore. Every once in awhile Razz got it right and called her Adora, but other than that she was Mara, and honestly, she was fine with that.

“Sure, Razz,” Adora said, sitting up to allow room for Razz to put a mug in front of her and fill it to the brim with steaming tea. “Hey Razz?”

“Yes dearie?”

“That was Catra that was across the path, right?” Adora had to ask, even though not much about Catra had changed. She still wore the ripped-up jeans even though it was summer. Adora was pretty sure that the baggy black shirt she wore she had in high school. Her eyes still that mesmerizing heterochromatic piercing blue and light green. The only difference was that instead of the wild, curly mane she had sported in high school, she had in its place a choppy looking pixie cut, messed up perfectly. It was cute. 

She had also heard Razz say Catra’s name when addressing her, saw the girl across the path respond with a little hand wave. But Adora just had to make sure.

“Your Catra, yes dearie.”

Your Catra. That stung. Adora swallowed a mouthful of tea thickly. Catra hadn’t been Adora’s in a long time, if she ever had been in the first place. She hadn’t seen Catra in five years. Since then, the guilt and longing and missing had been tamped down to the point where Adora was no longer in pain, no longer constantly thinking about Catra or how she was or what she was doing or what Adora could have done better, how she could have been there better for Catra. In no longer consumed her thoughts at night to the point where she could barely sleep. She no longer lost her appetite anytime she heard mention of any of Catra’s favorite food, favorite music, favorite hobby. She had successfully pushed Catra to the back of her mind, only brought to the forefront on particularly rough nights or when Adora let her guard down.

But now. But now Catra was sitting in a trailer just across the path from Adora. Adora had seen her. She felt a familiar feeling bubbling up in her stomach. 

“And she cleans your house for you?” Adora asked, her voice just above a whisper. 

“That girl is too skinny. I tried to give her food, but she would only take it in exchange for helping Razz out around the house. But now you’re here, dearie, so you’ll have to bring the food over to her,” Razz said, eventually sitting down across from Adora with her own cup of tea steaming in front of her. The feeling keeps climbing her stomach, reaching her chest.

“I don’t think that’s a great idea, Razz,” Adora says, lowering her head. The feeling reached her head, her whole body buzzing with something familiar that she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Not anymore anyway. 

“Nonsense. It is a good idea. You miss her. She’s here, right in front of you. Time to reconnect,” she responds matter-of-factly. “No more excuses.”

Razz was right, Adora did miss Catra. That’s what the feeling was, an itch to talk to Catra, sit near Catra, just be in her presence again. Adora had avoided it for so long, making excuses like Catra hating her and the way things ended and the fact that she was 30 minutes away at the University. In all honesty, she just didn’t want to see Catra again and face the fact that they had hurt each other, deeply, and Adora didn’t know if their relationship could be repaired. If Catra even wanted it to be. 

While not seeing Catra, there was always the hope that one day they may reconnect and fall back into what they once had. But actually putting that plan into motion brought Adora closer to the prospect that Catra might just shut her down, reject her.

But man did Adora miss Catra. The feeling pulsed through her body in a way she hadn’t felt since the few months after they had parted ways. She missed Catra’s laugh, her smile, her eyes fixed so intensely on Adora and nobody else. She missed the own little bubble they created for themselves even when they were with a group of other people. 

“I’m making spaghetti,” Razz declared, and with that she was once again bustling around the kitchen. This time Adora stood to help, and within a half an hour they had whipped up enough spaghetti for a family of five. Razz scooped a large serving into a Tupperware container and handed it to Adora.

“Off you go, give this to Catra.”

“Razz…”

“No arguments. Don’t make an old lady walk all the way over there when a perfectly young, healthy girl can do it just fine. Go.”

And with that Adora was shoved through the trailer door with surprising force and making her way towards Catra. She hesitated when she got to the door, her hand halfway raised and ready to knock. She took a deep breath. Yes, she missed Catra. But wouldn’t it just be better to relegate Catra to happy memories in her brain and not try to push her luck. If Catra really and truly ended everything right her, that’s what Adora would end with, the mental picture of standing heartbroken in a trailer park and Catra shutting the door on her face. Maybe she could just leave the spaghetti on the doorstep, knock, and run away as fast as possible. 

Before she couldn’t put her plan into action, the door in front of her opened. Adora froze. 

Catra glared down at her, leaning against the doorframe. “You just gonna stand there like a dummy?”

Adora gulped, trying to find something to say, to even get any sound out of her mouth. Instead, she shoved the Tupperware forward. Catra glanced at it and then went back to glaring at Adora, not breaking eye contact. Adora wasn’t doing the same. She was looking at anything and everything that wasn’t Catra’s eyes. She missed those eyes.

“Tell Razz she doesn’t need to keep making me food, especially if I’m not doing anything for her anymore,” Catra said, her voice hollow and emotionless. Her gaze kept on. 

“She says your too skinny.” Adora finally found her words, and she fucking said that. Adora finally looked up at Catra. Her demeanor hadn’t changed. Her expression remained neutral.

“Not her problem,” she said, her voice level. “Or yours.”

Adora, despite the overwhelming feeling of missing Catra and wanting to reconnect, was getting a little bit pissed. Catra always used to do this. Someone tried to do something nice for her, and she shoved it right back in their face. 

“Catra,” Adora said, and for the first time during this terribly awkward conversation, she saw Catra flinch. Adora pushed on, “Razz made enough spaghetti so we could bring some over to you. Just take it the damn container.”

“No.” Catra’s arms were crossed now.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Just take the damn spaghetti. God, you have not changed at all,” Adora wanted to take that back the minute she said it. That was definitely not the right thing to say when trying to reconnect with someone who had a falling out with five years ago. Catra didn’t seem to think so either. She slammed the door in Adora’s face. 

Well, that was one scenario that Adora had thought of. Didn’t feel so great actually happening either. 

Adora knocked tentatively on the trailer door. “Catra, I’m sorry,” she said resting her forehead where her hand was knocking when it became clear Catra was not going to open up again. She had really screwed up. Adora sighed. “Catra…”

“Adora, I swear to God, leave me the fuck alone!” Catra yelled through the door, that familiar bite to her voice. Adora had even missed that. 

Adora sighed again, “Okay, fine, but I’m leaving the spaghetti on the steps. Please just take it. For Razz.”

And without another word, Adora dejectedly made her way back to Razz and the lonely trailer that would be her home for the foreseeable future.

…

God, Catra really wanted a drink. Instead, she lit up a cigarette and slouched across the couch. She usually refrained from smoking inside, but she considered this special circumstances. Adora fucking Grey, after five years of radio silence, had casually sauntered over to deliver her food, as if it was just any normal day and neither of them had just seen a ghost from their shared past. 

Then she had the audacity, after talking to Catra for literally two seconds, to claim that Catra hadn’t changed at all. It had been five years! What did Adora know. Catra had changed, she reasoned to herself. She had gotten out from under Shadow’s influence. She had gotten herself clean. She went a therapist weekly, for God’s sake. She was no longer so quick to anger, didn’t snap at the drop of a dime. She gave people more of a chance, started giving them the benefit of the doubt, albeit cautiously. She was helping Razz out, even when it wasn’t her responsibility. Hell, she had even gotten a cat to work on her responsibility, which was going swimmingly.

Melog, said cat, nudged at her side, perched precariously on the outside edge of the couch. Catra blew a stream of smoke away from Melog. “Hey, you.”

Catra put out her cigarette in the ash tray above her head and instead chose to comfort herself by hoisting Melog onto her stomach and stroking down the soft fur of their back. They purred.

“She’s the one who hasn’t changed,” Catra told the uninterested auburn cat on her stomach, “Snapping at me like that, like she knows me.”

Catra sighed. She was talking to her fucking cat. She needed to get a grip, and she needed to get Adora out of her mind. She left me, she left me, she left me, Catra kept repeating to herself. But going to therapy might actually have been working because before she could put a stop to it, her brain subconsciously interrupted, it’s not all her fault. 

Fuck, and it wasn’t. Catra had been horrible, and she was fucked, and she had put Adora through plenty of shit when Adora decided she couldn’t take it anymore. Adora’s actions in their little situation may have been part of the reason that Catra was so fucked up, but the true problem had been how Catra had reacted to those problems. She reacted like any credible Weaver would, gorging herself on booze and drugs until reality couldn’t hurt her anymore. How can she blame Adora for having enough?

Even if it wasn’t completely Adora’s fault, even if Catra did accept her share of the blame, which she was working on, the best thing for them to do now that they are neighbors was to avoid each other. The ending of their friendship had been bad. Even before that, when it was nearing the final breakdown, it had been somewhat toxic in a way that it had never been before, and neither one of them wanted to actually communicate about it. 

First, they were doing things with and to each other that normally friends wouldn’t do. Second, when they weren’t doing that, Catra was seeking out any type of intoxicant to dim the reality that she was hooking up and maybe a little bit in love with her best friend who wanted to keep her a secret so no one found out that she was kissing a girl, because Adora was perfect. She went to Church. She got A’s. She played sports. She was straight. 

So, it’s best just to avoid each other. No need to chance falling into that situation again, even if Catra’s heart fluttered at the thought of interacting with Adora like they used to before everything got complicated. 

Her stomach grumbled. Maybe she was just hungry.

…

“It didn’t go well, Razz,” Adora said as she stepped in through the door. Razz was crocheting on the couch. “She slammed the door in my face.”

She wandered over to the kitchen, where the left-over spaghetti sat, and got herself a healthy portion. She started to eat at the kitchen table when Razz chuckled, “That girl, always so passionate.”

“I mean, not really. She was like… really emotionless until she slammed the door. It was weird. I’d never seen her act that way before,” Adora shoveled more spaghetti into her mouth.

“Yes, poor girl. Always hurting. She doesn’t want to hurt anymore. Herself or anyone else.”

Adora swallowed her food. “She wouldn’t take the spaghetti.”

Chucking again, Razz said, “I know.”

“Then why’d you make me bring it over there!” Adora shouted, exasperated. She had thought she was hungry when getting herself some of the spaghetti, but after a couple of bites she realized that she had lost her appetite. She pushes the plate away from her. “She hates me.”

“No, she doesn’t. Look at me,” Adora looked across the room to Razz, who was still perched on the couch, a more intense stare than usual in her eye. “Adora dearie, don’t give up on her. She’s sad, and she’s alone, and she’s hurting. She hurt you, she knows that. You hurt her. But even after everything, you still mean so much to each other. I can see it in both of your eyes. Give it time. But don’t give up on that just because it’s scary. You two will find your way back to each other.”

Adora didn’t miss the unexpected clarity in Razz’s voice, nor how she had called Adora by her actual name.

“How do you know?”

But Razz was back to her normal, shrugging her shoulders and humming quietly as she focused again her on her crocheting. 

Adora huffed. “Okay. I think I’m gonna hit the hay. Night, Razz.”

“Goodnight, Mara dearie.”

Adora readied herself for bed, brushing her teeth and washing her face in the tiny bathroom. She moved to her bedroom, where she changed into an old sports bra and some joggers and pulling her hair out of its ponytail, letting it fall down her shoulders.

She allowed herself one last look at Catra’s trailer, hoping to see a glimpse of the person she had once known better than she had known herself. She didn’t see Catra, but she saw that the Tupperware filled with spaghetti was no longer on the front steps. 

Progress, Adora thought, and turned off her lamp.


	2. An Olive Branch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra gets mean, then feels guilty. Adora gets sad, then feels hopeful. Razz makes a move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I didn't expect this to come out so quick, but I'm... well, bored out of my mind I guess. So here's Chapter 2.
> 
> I know this story is starting out kind of slow, but these two need some time to get reacquainted with each other. A lot went down senior year of high school. I'll add flash back scenes in later chapters. 
> 
> Anywho...

Adora was trying to avoid Catra. She was trying really fucking hard. That much was clear to Catra. She was trying to follow Catra’s demand to leave her alone. She could do that, Catra thought, Adora was a big girl. Hell, she had done that for the past five years just fine. But Catra hadn’t been living across the street for the past five years. And she noticed the shear proximity was making Adora sweat.

Catra wasn’t making it easy. She wasn’t trying to, but she also really wasn’t altering her daily routine. On the mornings she didn’t have to work, she woke up with the sun, brewed some coffee, and then would head out to sit on her white plastic chair to read whatever book she was reading that day. Steaming cup of coffee in hand. Pack of cigarettes perpetually nearby. She focused on her book, but she couldn’t help but notice the nervous glances Adora kept throwing her way.

Adora would come out in a cut off and those dumb cargo shorts and take care of the flowerbed, or mow the lawn, or fix up the outside of the house, and she would try desperately not to look at Catra or disturb Catra or seemingly even be seen by Catra, even though she was literally right across the street. And out of the corner of her eye, Catra would notice this, watch as Adora’s toned muscles would gather sweat as she worked, and remember a time when Adora would come to Razz’s house under the guise of helping her out when really she just came to hang out with Catra. 

Adora made her outdoor chores quick, and when she was done, she would skitter back into the house like a scared little mouse. She seemed to be expending a large amount of energy trying to not interact with Catra, who found that endlessly amusing. Adora did always used to go above and beyond for her, guess that hasn’t changed. 

One particularly bad morning when Catra woke up on the wrong side of the bed, she decided to have a little more fun with Adora. Watch her sweat just a little bit more. She was really craving something stronger than coffee, her head ached like a hammer was pounding into it, and she had gotten a call from a nurse at the hospice center Shadow was at the night before, like she cared about her mother’s condition whatsoever. She was in the mood to be a bit cruel.

So, after she pushed a sleepy Melog of her chest, she took a quick shower and rummaged through her drawer for just the right shirt. It only took her a minute to find it. She smiled as she presented it to herself. 

…

Adora was dreading mowing the lawn. Catra wanted her to leave her alone. She could do that. But being so close to someone who had been her whole life only five years before was making her realize just how much she actually missed Catra. She wasn’t one to avoid someone sitting right across the street, but Catra would come out and sit on that goddamn chair, book in hand, and just sit there while Adora worked. Unmoving. Like she was taunting Adora. Waiting for her to mess up, so she could end all hope and possibility that they may one day actually be okay with each other.

Typical Catra. Nothing’s too low for her. Adora found herself shuddering at the thought. Adora had set her alarm for an early morning, hoping to get out before Catra and maybe get most of work done so she could limit the amount of torture Catra put her through. She hopped out of bed at blaring alarm, turned it off, and changed into her work clothes.

Luckily, by the time she was outside and getting the mower out of the shed in the backyard, Catra had yet to make an appearance. Maybe today would be a good one. Maybe Catra was at work this morning. Maybe she was sleeping in. Maybe Adora wouldn’t have to endure avoiding, while internally yearning to talk to, Catra today. She took a breath and started up the mower. 

Adora relaxed into the rhythm of making perfect stripes up and down the backyard. Each time she got the end of the yard, she glanced at the trailer across the street and saw that the white chair was still unoccupied. Great. Today would definitely be a good day. She wouldn’t have to worry herself over Catra’s presence. She wouldn’t have to pay attention to where her eyes wander. She could relax, she could get her job done, she could get on with her day. 

By the time she got to the front yard, Adora was completely at ease, even humming along to the music coming out of the earphones she had placed in her ears. But as she was turning the mower to make the second stripe, she caught a flash of something out of the corner of her eyes. It was Catra, coming out of her house with a cup of coffee in her hand and what seemed to be a knowing smirk on her face. 

Adora stopped completely. She was wearing her shirt. Catra was wearing Adora’s shirt. Bright Moon High Track and Field, as clear as day plastered in bold blue lettering across the white shirt. It had fit Adora pretty snuggly in high school, but it was loose and baggy on Catra, even now. The breath in Adora’s throat caught. 

She watched Catra, who was still smirking at her, sit down and set her coffee and pack of cigarettes on the small wooden table next to her. Even as she opened her book, her eyes still peered over it, boring into Adora like a challenge. 

Adora stood frozen, shellshocked. She was wearing her shirt. A shirt she had given Catra after a night spent together in Adora’s high school room when they were 18. Adora couldn’t breathe. Her throat was constricting as she tried to catch any air at all. She nearly doubled over, but instead she glanced once more at Catra before booking it back into Razz’s trailer, not even bothering to finish the mowing job. 

…

Catra was patting herself on the back. At least, she had been, at the beginning. Initially, she had gotten the reaction out of Adora that she wanted. Adora had stood frozen, staring at Catra with a stricken expression. But then Adora looked as if she was going to start hyperventilating. And then she had literally fled. Fled. Like she couldn’t wait to get out of Catra’s line of sight. 

Catra had not expected that, maybe felt even a tad bit guilty. It wasn’t like she was testing Adora, seeing how far she could push until Adora crumbled and tried to talk to her. She knew that Adora would recognize the shirt, but she had figured that Adora would have probably forgotten how it came into Catra’s possession in the first place. But based on that reaction, Catra had figured wrong. Anyway, if it had been a test, Adora passed with flying colors. It didn’t even look like she considered moving to talk to Catra.

Catra did feel guilty now, watching Adora take off like that. But she stood strong, remained in her place on her chair and sipping absentmindedly at her coffee. She held the book propped out in her hands, but she found herself reading the same three lines over and over again. Adora was on her brain. Adora, standing there and staring. Adora, turning on her heel and sprinting. Adora, as the recognition on her face became clear. And all the while, Catra had just smirked at her.

Maybe she hadn’t changed as much as she thought. Maybe she was still just that stupid girl who had got inordinate amounts of joy at watching the pain of other people just to make herself feel better. It’s just Adora, Catra reminded herself. She deserved this, waltzing around in a cut off and all sweaty and looking like she worked out more than she did in high school. She could sit through Catra lounging around in any comfortable old shirt she wants. It was gifted to her. 

Catra caught herself before her thoughts could spiral down a more dangerous path. God, she was twenty-three years old and hadn’t seen Adora in what seemed like a lifetime. She didn’t need to be drooling over her like this. Especially when they were supposed to be avoiding each other.

And she also probably didn’t need to be acting this way around Adora. She hated to admit it, but the new proximity to Adora was messing with her too. Sure, she sat out on her chair and read her books and chuckled to herself as Adora stumbled around trying not to look at Catra because it was part of her normal routine to read outside on the mornings she wasn’t working. But part of her, just a little itty bitty one, maybe also wanted to sit out there to watch Adora. To know Adora was around. That she was really here, Catra’s real eyes were looking at the real Adora after years and years of nothing. Maybe, just maybe, she didn’t want Adora to completely forgot about her. Maybe she didn’t want to forget about Adora. 

It had been a long time since they were 18. Catra was over Adora, she told herself. But that didn’t mean she had to be cruel. And maybe having Adora around again wasn’t completely a bad thing either. 

Catra sighed. She needed to fix this. 

…

Adora hid out in her room the rest of the day, too scared to even look out the window in fear that Catra’s mismatched eyes were still blazing holes into her, somehow through the trailer’s walls. She bundled herself under the covers even at the sound of Razz’s knocking on the door, claiming to be baking pies. Adora didn’t respond and soon Razz left. 

What was Catra doing to her? Why was she like this? Did she really hate Adora so much that she enjoyed watching her suffer, knowing Adora would want to reconnect to Catra but was too obedient to disobey Catra’s direct order? Did she even know what she was doing to her? Did she even care?

They had been so close. Best friends. Since 1st grade. They had done everything together growing up, between playing soccer and having sleepovers and going shopping. When they got older, they would go to parties together and get tipsy, whispering clumsily to each other and laughing as boys tried to hit on them. They had gone through everything together. First kisses, first dates, first dances. Friends that had come and gone. Yet they had never left each other’s side throughout it all. Even when things between them got… closer. They were still best friends. Even when Catra started pulling away and going heavier on the alcohol and drugs, she still ran to Adora when she needed someone. They were each other’s person. Now they were strangers.

Now Catra was trying to get a rise out of Adora like she had done every other person she at best tolerated at school, at worst downright despised. And she was doing that to Adora.

Adora felt tears gathering in her eyes. It’s been five years. Why was she so torn up? Catra was literally just wearing a shirt. She rubbed at her face. But it was her shirt. A shirt Catra had thrown on haphazardly in the morning when she was rushing to get home before Shadow realized she was gone. A shirt Adora had thrown at her while laying naked in the bed, still basking in the afterglow of what had taken place the night before. 

Adora had not stopped smiling then. She couldn’t stop crying now. 

She had ruined everything. She was so scared that she would be judged and looked down upon, that the people in her religious community would look at her differently, she had begged Catra to keep what they had quiet. She needed to be perfect, and the people who expected things from her, the people who looked to her to be the golden child, would view this particular activity she was involved in with her best friend as imperfect. She convinced herself, and subsequently Catra, that they could be happy if they kept this as a secret between themselves. A bubble, all their own, just like always had been. Only expanding.

She didn’t realize the pressure she was putting on Catra. Didn’t understand that Catra may not be taking to well to keeping such a big part of her under wraps for the benefit of Adora and her feelings. Sure, coming out should be at your own pace. And Adora had gotten there, eventually. But she hadn’t even considered that by convincing Catra to stay in the closet, just so Adora didn’t have to face the consequences of damnation by association, she wasn’t allowing Catra to go at her own pace. She had fucked up in high school. She had messed with Catra’s life.

“I love you,” Catra had whispered to her one night, right in ear, before everything went to shit and really blew up, while they were stargazing on Adora’s balcony. Adora sobbed at the memory. Catra could have ended whatever was happening with Adora. She could have come out, like she wanted, and found a girlfriend in no time. She wouldn’t have had to hide for anyone. But Catra didn’t choose that route. Catra had chose Adora. And Adora was too stubborn to let Catra go. They had both paid dearly for it.

Catra may have loved Adora once. She may have thought she did. Adora knew for a fact that she had loved Catra and was just too afraid of everything and everyone else. She had been a coward, and now Catra had hated her. 

A knock on her door stifled her sob. “Adora dearie. There’s someone at the door for you.”

Fuck, who would that be? She wasn’t supposed to get together with Bow and Glimmer until later that week. Anyone else she knew was either down at the University or elsewhere across the state. Quickly, Adora wiped the tear stains from her cheeks and tried to collect herself. 

“Coming,” she said softly, as she extricated herself from her blanket and made her way to the main room of the trailer. The door was already open when Adora reached it, but no one had stepped inside. Instead, to her shock, Catra stood on the other side, looking mildly sheepish. She was still in Adora’s old shirt.

She looked up at Adora, her different colored eyes piercing. “I came to return this.” In Catra’s hands that she shoved towards Adora was the Tupperware that had a couple of days ago housed the spaghetti that Razz had made. 

Adora was still so surprised, she couldn’t help herself when she said, “You could’ve just given it to Razz.”

It was colder than she had meant it. Catra seemed to flinch backwards a little bit, retracting her hands. But before she could get all the way, Adora grabbed onto the Tupperware and took it. “Thanks.”

…

Catra was standing on the steps leading up to the door, staring blankly at Adora as she took the container, nodding in acknowledgement to her graciousness. She watched as Adora’s expression morphed from surprise to something that Catra couldn’t initially put her finger on. Her eyes widened even more, her lips twitched as if a small smile was threatening to take over, she looked down. Oh no… hope. 

Catra had to hold back scoff but rolled her eyes. “Adora?”

Adora’s eyes snapped back up to meet Catra’s. “Yup?”

“Don’t make a big deal out of it.”

Adora averted her eyes once again. “Yeah, yeah, um, sure.”

“Adora?”

“Mmmmhmmm?”

“Seriously.”

It was Adora’s turn to roll her eyes. She didn’t hold back her sarcastic chuckle. “Yeah, got it, boss.”

“Cool,” Catra said, and without another word she turned on her heel and bounded down the steps, striding back to her place and to her cat and away from Adora. She turned back as soon as she reached her door, and saw Adora still standing in her doorway, a dumb little smile on her face. Christ, Catra thought, Adora was definitely gonna make a big deal out of her returning some fucking Tupperware. She called out, against her better judgement, “I’m still gonna keep the shirt!”

Adora, stupid Adora, raised her free hand in a thumbs up. Dork, Catra thought, and turned into her trailer. 

The next day, Catra went through her same routine. She woke up, she started coffee, she took a shower, and she headed out to her chair to tuck into a new book that had been recommended to her when she had ventured to the book store a couple days earlier. She had just gotten started when she noticed the door to Razz’s door burst open and Adora, clad in yet another cut off, her sports bra peaking out beneath it, came out. She looked happy.

She looked ecstatic, really.

And when she noted Catra sitting in her usual spot across the street, her smile grew wider. And fucking Adora waved to her enthusiastically. 

Catra blinked. Reflexively, she lifted her hand in response. Fuck, Adora was making a big deal out of it.

…

Adora was not making a big deal out of it. So what if Catra had asked for her personally when returning the Tupperware. So what if she was still wearing Adora’s shirt, had told her she was gonna keep it. Adora knew that at the end of the day that didn’t necessarily mean anything. So, Adora wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. But she did take it as some what of an olive branch. 

An olive branch was all she needed. It was an in. She could get Catra back in her life. That is, if that’s what Catra wanted. Adora wouldn’t push, but she knew Catra wouldn’t initiate anything further. The ball was in Adora’s court. 

For the next week Adora had taken to waving at Catra whenever she came out to do yard work and Catra was sitting on her perch. Catra, every time, and with a strained smile and a timid hand, waved back. 

Progress. 

Adora noticed that sometimes Catra wasn’t reading outside in the morning. Probably at work. But she found herself looking forward to seeing Catra when she was there, and she started looking for more yard work to do outside just to catch a glimpse of Catra looking cautiously back at her. 

Catra wasn’t on her chair the morning that Razz decided to join Adora outside, watching her weed the flower bed with a cup of tea in her hand. Adora was smiling, humming even. She hadn’t been in this good of a mood for a while. Tomorrow she would mow the yard again, though it probably didn’t need it. But the probability that Catra would be out on the chair again rose every time she wasn’t there the day before. So, the lawn would be mowed. 

Razz sipped at her tea. “Invite her for dinner.”

Adora, a little zoned out, asked, “Who?”

“Catra, dearie! I’m making Shepherd’s Pie. Her favorite. Friday night. Ask her,” Razz said, not even paying attention to Adora’s shocked expression.

She spluttered, “What? No, I – no Razz. We haven’t even really talked. We’re not friends!” Adora argued. 

“You wave to each other all the time.”

“Razz, it – that doesn’t mean anything. That’s just me trying to be friendly. I’m not asking her over for dinner. She wouldn’t want to come, anyway.”

Razz tsked, “She comes over all the time. I give her dinner. She loves Shepherd’s Pie. Invite her, dearie.”

“I’m not inviting her!”

“Yes, you are.”

“Razz, I’m not.”

“Friday night.”

“Razz –“ Adora was getting exasperated. But before she could continue, a bicycle approached the trailer across the street. Perched on top was Catra. 

Adora and Razz watched as Catra took her helmet it off and hooked it over one of the handlebars, mussing her short hair to give it a little more volume again. 

Razz said, “Fine, dearie. No problem. I’ll do it.”

“Razz, what are you –“

Razz cut Adora off, “Catra!”

The other girl looks over, shouldering her backpack, a bit of a stunned look on her face. She pointed to herself, as if questioning whether Razz is talking to her or not. Razz summoned her with a vigorous wave of her hand. 

Catra made her way over slowly and timidly, looking unsure of what to expect. Adora, hunched over the flower beds, was paralyzed and looking back and forth from Razz to Catra. 

“Catra dearie, I’m making Shepherd’s Pie on Friday. Be here by 6.”

Catra coughed. “Um, Razz, I really don’t need you to feed me. I’m not even helping you out anymore.”

“Nonsense. Consider it one last thank you. 6 o’clock, don’t be late.”

Catra’s gaze turned into a glare, and she turned it on Adora. Adora raised her hands in surrender, shrugging her shoulders, indicating that she had nothing to do with this. She didn’t. This is Razz’s idea. She shouldn’t be subject to Catra’s incoming wrath.

“You have something to do with this?” Catra asked, teeth gritted. 

“No, I –“ 

Razz cut her off again, “No, dearie, Mara here didn’t even want to invite you. I insist though. It’s your favorite!”

Catra’s eyes never left Adora, “Didn’t want to invite me, eh?”

“Just, uh – well just because I didn’t think you’d be interested,” Adora stammered, straightening, and holding out her hands in a display of innocence. 

“Relax, Adora,” Catra said, a devious smile playing at her lips. She glared at Adora a moment longer, studying her. She slowly turned back to Razz and her smile morphed into a open mouthed grin, one she used to throw towards Adora every now and again when she was getting her way back in high school. Adora couldn’t help her stomach from fluttering slightly at it. “I’ll be there, Razz. Thanks for the invite.”

A few moments later and Catra was disappearing back into her own trailer. Adora watched her go before turning to Razz. “Jesus Razz, what the hell did you just do?”

Razz didn’t acknowledge Adora, just went on smiling and sipping her tea. Adora sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we have an awkward dinner party coming up, but the good news is the girls start to talk more! And once again, Catra's still working on things. People don't just wake up one day and become a better person, she's easing into it. Catra definitely would have just thrown out the Tupperware when she was done with the spaghetti a couple of years ago.


	3. Impulse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls have dinner, and then suffer a bit of a backslide. Still, Catra leaves an opening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, it's J. The world is burning, and so I write. 
> 
> It might seem like the girls aren't making any progress, but they are. (I promise). Things are gonna get worse before they get better, but they will get better!

Catra didn’t know whether this was a dress up dinner or not. Sure, they were in a fucking trailer park, and she never really gave this much thought to her wardrobe, but she had roped herself into something that made her stomach roil and her hands sweat. At the time, when Razz had asked her over for dinner and Adora feigned innocence, Catra regressed to her normal impulse of getting a rise out of the people she was at odds with. Accepting dinner would definitely get a rise out of Adora. 

Catra had never tried so hard to get a rise out of Adora until recently.

She had immediately regretted accepting the invite, but she was couldn’t back out now, after making such a show of it. What would they even talk about? Catra had a decent relationship with Razz, would chat with her about work at the diner and how her few friends were doing and whether or not she was deciding to give college a go. But now Adora was involved. They hadn’t spoken in ages. Where to even start? Catra wasn’t even sure she wanted to start in the first place. 

But here she was, pulling on a black and gray striped polo and her only pair of non-ripped jeans, opting for a pair of new black Vans, and psyching herself up to sit through a dinner with a ghost from her past. Friday had come up on her quick, she had not adequately prepared herself. 

Melog jumped onto the worn quilt adorning her bed as Catra fixed her hair in the mirror on the opposite side of her room. He nuzzled into Catra’s side, seemingly sensing her distress. 

Catra took one hand away from her hair in order to stroke Melog between the ears. “I don’t know what I’m doing, buddy.”

Melog meowed in response. With that, Catra straightened her collar one last time and made her way out of the trailer, taking a deep breath as she went. Before leaving, she grabbed a premade cake she had picked up from the grocery store on her way home from work that morning.

She could do this. It was just Razz. It was just Adora. Nothing she hadn’t handled before. She could do this. 

It was Adora who answered the door. She was wearing a Hawaiian button-down shirt and jean shorts that went down to her mid-thigh, feet bare. Catra had the urge to chuckle. This girl tried so hard during high school to hide the fact that she was gay and yet she dressed like this, even back then. 

She didn’t chuckle. Instead, she thrust the cake into Adora’s stomach and muttered, “Hey, Adora.”

Adora opened her mouth as if she was about to respond, but Razz beat her to it. “Catra dearie, come in! The food is almost ready!”

Catra slipped past Adora, who looked a little shocked, and walked into the main room. Razz came towards her as soon as she saw her, her frizzy grey hair more out of control than usual and a spatula in hand. The calico dress she was wearing billowed out behind her as she wrapped Catra up into a side hug. 

“Hello, Razz,” Catra said, returning her hug. 

Catra sensed Adora come up to stand at her side while Razz rushed back into the kitchen, checking on the food cooking in the oven. Adora set the cake on the counter.

“Catra brought cake,” she said sheepishly, bringing a hand up to rub at the back of her neck awkwardly. Catra looked at her briefly, feeling the same awkwardness creeping over her too. 

“Good, good! Razz didn’t have time to make pie!” Razz exclaimed, busying herself with washing the pan where she had sauteed the vegetables. Adora moved towards the kitchen.

“Razz, let me do that,” she said, but Razz shooed her away with the soapy sponge in her hand. 

“Nonsense, you and Catra take a seat.” Catra immediately did as she was told, sitting at the kitchen table. Adora, hesitantly, followed her a few moments later, sitting across from Catra. She didn’t look into Catra’s eyes. Suddenly, Razz appeared at the end of the table, a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon in one hand and two wine glasses in the other. “Would you like a glass of wine, dearie?”

Catra watched as Adora flinched, her eyes timidly making their way to connect with Catra’s. Razz had already started pouring one glass and sliding it towards Adora before Catra peeled her eyes away from the girl across from her and looked up towards Razz.

“I’ll actually just stick with water tonight, I think,” Catra said. She could feel Adora’s gaze on her, but she didn’t flinch. Just smiled at Razz.

“Of course, of course. Let me get that for you.”

Catra didn’t take her eyes off Razz, but she knew Adora was examining her worriedly. Adora didn’t know the extent of her recovery. Probably didn’t even know that she was sober, though every time Adora had come across Catra it was clear that she wasn’t under the influence. Razz didn’t know that she was in recovery at all because she didn’t know of Catra’s past addictions. She didn’t blame Razz for offering, and she didn’t need Adora pitying her to the point where she didn’t think Catra couldn’t even be around alcohol without falling off the wagon and reverting to her past ways. 

So, she turned her plastered-on smile to Adora, and said, “Drink, Adora. It’s fine.”

Adora, in turn, took a small sip of the wine in front of her. Catra didn’t stop smiling, even though she realized it probably did not look genuine. Oh well, what Adora thought of her was of no significance to Catra anymore.

She graciously accepted the ice water Razz placed in front of her and took a drink. Adora was still watching Catra tentatively, twirling her thumbs. Catra could see that she was trying to come up with something to say. She didn’t help Adora along. No need for speaking when no speaking was needed. Catra was content to just sit there in awkward silence until the food was served and she could make a hasty exit. She was only here for the Shepherd’s Pie, anyway. Only for the food, definitely. She had already gotten her rise out of Adora. No need for anything else.

Razz was quick to serve up three heaping plates as soon as she took the took the dish out of the oven, plopping the food down on the table and placing her own glass of wine in front of her. “Dig in!” she said cheerily. 

Catra didn’t hesitate to follow Razz’s instruction. She really did love the old lady’s Shepherd’s Pie. Adora did the same. Catra chewed her own food and watched as Adora tucked in. Same healthy appetite she remembered from high school. 

Razz was more polite with her own plate, taking only a small bite before looking over at Catra. “So, Catra dearie, tell me how work is going?”

Catra watched as Adora perked up at the question. Of course, Adora would be interested in anything having to do with Catra’s life in the past few years, given that neither really knew anything about each other anymore. Catra knew Adora had gone to the University of Etheria and ran track there, but in the time that had elapsed Adora had probably graduated and was working somewhere close by, given that she was living here. But there was no reason to believe that Adora knew anything about what Catra had been up to in the time that they had been apart. 

Catra shrugged. “It’s just a diner, Razz. Dealing with aggravating customers, bad tips, and an overly enthusiastic boss. Same old, same old.”

“Yes, yes. It’s been ages since I’ve been to the Fright Zone! Such good pancakes,” Razz shook her head, stuck in her memories. Catra saw Adora glance up at her.

“You work at the Fright Zone?” she inquired. Catra only nodded, taking another bite of the food in front of her. Catra looked down to focus on her plate.

“And how is Scorpia managing?” Razz asked, not picking up on the tension between the two girls sat across from each other.

“She likes owning it, though she’s the first to admit it’s a bit stressful,” Catra confessed. “She’s hanging in there, though. She’s happy with the changes she’s made.”

Adora’s fork drops and Catra looks at her. “Scorpia owns the Fright Zone!?”

Again, Catra shrugged, focusing again on her food. “She bought it two years after her moms died and left her a significant inheritance. She decided that she couldn’t waste her life doing something that didn’t make her happy, so she dropped out of college and bought out the old owners of the Fright Zone.”

Scorpia had gone to high school with Catra and Adora. She was a senior when they were sophomores and was the goalie on the soccer team that Catra played striker on. Scorpia had always been friendly towards Catra, but it was only after Catra had gone through the process of getting clean that she had really accepted Scorpia’s friendliness and they connected. Soon after Scorpia bought the diner, she had offered Catra a job. Catra wasn’t stupid, she needed money to survive. So, she accepted. 

“Damn, that’s – good for her, I guess. Sucks about her moms,” Adora intoned, playing with the food on her plate. 

“Yeah, it does,” Catra agreed, nodding. Scorpia was nothing if not positive and kind, but her back story was tragic. Part of the reason that Catra trusted her so much. No one but Scorpia had understood Catra as much as she did. Well, since Adora. 

“And,” Razz said, “and recent romantic prospects?”

Catra almost choked on her food. So did Adora, but she tried to be a little more subtle. “Um, nope. No, I’m, uh – laying low, at the moment.”

“Yes, of course. No rush, dearie. How’s your food?” Razz said, apparently not noticing out of place in the reactions of Catra and Adora. 

“Great, Razz. It always is.”

… 

Adora was content to let Razz and Catra converse back and forth, just listening to the little snippets of Catra’s life that she was revealing through her discussion with Razz. She was too caught up in her own thoughts, anyway. 

The first thing that cycled through her mind was the “hey, Adora” Catra had thrown her way when Adora had greeted her at the door. It had brought her back to high school, for sure, when Catra would say it in that seductive way that only Adora picked up on. But it also brought her back to before that. Like in elementary school, when Catra first started saying it whenever she would see Adora already in the classroom and run up to her excitedly, ready to color pictures together or build popsicle stick houses. Or on the playground, when Catra would insist on being on Adora’s husband, the other kids in the class playing their kids. Or in middle school, in gym class when Catra would pick Adora to be on her team for dodgeball, knowing they were about to dominate the other team. Or at the beginning of high school, when Catra would greet Adora after her track meets, congratulating her on whatever new record she had broken and sarcastically laughing and calling her a try hard. 

And then there was the cake that Catra brought. A courtesy for house visits that the old Catra would have never concerned herself with. Even if it was store bought, it was a gesture that Adora had never expected. It threw her off guard. 

Also, Catra liked Razz’s Shepherd’s Pie? Catra had been living across the street from Razz since she was in Kindergarten, and yet Adora didn’t know that Catra liked Razz’s signature dish enough that she was willing to sit through an awkward dinner with her ex, well, ex whatever. When had she first had it? Adora didn’t remember a time they had it together at Razz’s when they were kids. So, was it when she was away at college? Was it after college, before Adora had moved to the trailer park?

And finally, the thing that had thrown Adora off the most. Catra, refusing a drink. Razz was so ready and willing to pour Catra a glass of wine, right there in front of her. Razz didn’t know Catra’s past. Didn’t know what her relationship with alcohol and other drugs had been in the past. Maybe even the present, Adora wasn’t sure. But Catra had refused. Was Catra sober? Was she trying to get sober? Was she just putting on a show for the sake of Adora? She was confused. What was Catra’s deal now, anyway? 

Adora was brought back to reality through the gentle prodding of Razz. “Adora dearie? Adora? Welcome back to the real world! Tell Catra here what you’ve been up to, it’s so fascinating!”

Adora rubbed the back of her neck, a habit she hoped Catra didn’t notice was left over from her high school days for being put on the spot. “It’s nothing special, Razz.” She turned to look at Catra, who had, once again, a neutral expression on her face. She seemed to become a natural at that since Adora had last been close to her. Adora sighed. Catra used to be so expressive, at least towards Adora. Things were different now. “I’m just a program coordinator for a local non-profit that tries to give privileged kids more opportunities to volunteer and help out their less fortunate peers. Foster connections, and all.”

Catra frowned, and Adora understood why. Back in the day, she was the privileged one. She had lived in a nice house, in a nice neighborhood. Meanwhile, Catra was stuck in trailer park with an abusive and alcoholic mom and no authority figure to turn to. But Catra wasn’t just a charity case to her. Adora looked at Catra, trying to convey that. She wouldn’t look Adora in the eye. 

“Time for Razz’s bathroom break!” Razz declared and made her way to the latrine. 

Adora swallowed. She knew she was in precarious situation with Catra at this point, but she was curious. So, she pushed down the nervous rumble that erupted in her belly and focused her gaze on Catra.

“Hey,” Adora said quietly, but fumbled a little as Catra leveled a stare at her. She almost lost her nerve, but something clicked inside of Adora. She needed to do this. If anything was going to be fixed between her and Catra, she needed to start somewhere. “What are you doing here?”

She didn’t expect Catra look offended, but here she was, her stare turning into a glare. Her eyebrow twitched. “Razz invited me. It would be rude to not accept.”

“But you hate me…” Adora mused. She noticed Catra soften, if only slightly, to the point where she might be misinterpreting Catra’s emotions. During this moment, with Razz not around to be able to interrupt anything, Adora had time to take Catra in more than just peripherally. She began to catch things that didn’t register before, like how Catra had a sleeve of intricate looking tattoos snaking their way up Catra’s forearm and disappearing under the sleave of her polo. She had also added considerably to her collection of piercings on her ears, and even a small hoop that went through her left nostril. Adora couldn’t help but think that all of that was done to somehow allow Catra to better fortify herself against the outside world. 

Catra sighed noticeably, even when Adora had lowered her gaze to her since untouched food. “Regardless, I love Razz’s Shepherd’s Pie.”

Adora looked back up at the girl across from her. “Catra…”

“Adora, don’t –“ Catra started, before Razz reentered the room.

“Time for Catra’s dessert!” Razz exclaimed.

…

Catra decided that she was going to get through this dessert with as little damage as possible. And in her short-circuiting brain, fueled on by the sad puppy dog eyes Adora keeps giving her, that meant being as short with Adora as possible. She knew that she was being a bit of a bitch, but it was the only thing she could think of to keep herself from doing any more harm then was already present and thick in the room.

Razz would ask a question, like, “Dearie, did you get your air conditioner fixed?”

And Catra would say, and even extrapolate, even though the unit broke two months ago, “Yeah, but it took someone forever to get out and take a look at it. It was a living hell in that trailer for the week that it was broken though. It’s just my luck that it happened during a heat wave.”

And then Adora would try to butt in, swallowing a piece of her cake. “What was wrong with it?”

To which Catra only shrugged, saying, “Don’t know. It broke.”

And it went on like that for around twenty more minutes while they ate their cake, with Catra conversing normally with Razz and offering Adora little more than a few words at a time. And each time Catra was short with Adora, her face morphed more and more into that of a kicked dog. Little pangs of regret reverberated through Catra’s chest, but not enough for her to shift her behavior. 

Catra wasn’t actively trying to hurt Adora, not really. Get a rise out of, sure, but not hurt. Catra had done enough work on herself to know that it was futile to still be pissed at Adora for what had happened five years ago. She might still hold a little bit of a grudge, she was only human, but she had matured since Adora and her had fallen out. However, that didn’t change the fact that it had been five years. Catra didn’t know Adora anymore. They were basically strangers. And the history the two shared made everything all the more complicated. Catra was unsure of where Adora and her were to go from here. Things couldn’t just automatically go back to the way it used to be. Catra didn’t have it in her. Sure, she may have overcorrected with the way she was acting towards the girl across the table from her. But Catra was confused. She was lost. She was ill-equipped for this situation. 

So, as she always had, she followed her impulse.

“Well, Razz, thank you for dinner. That was delicious, but I have to get going.”

Razz finished clearing the table and raised her hands. “Nonsense! The night is young! Shall we play cards?”

Catra looked at Adora, but Adora was seemingly doing everything to avoid meeting her eyes. She couldn’t tell if Adora was hoping she would stay or hoping that she would get the hell out, just break the tension already. It didn’t really matter to Catra, anyway.

“Sorry Razz, but I really have to get home. I work in the morning,” Catra stood and pushed the chair in behind her. 

“Fine, fine. Some other time then, dearie. Thank you for coming, and take this for lunch tomorrow,” Razz had handed her some wrapped up leftovers of the Shepherd’s Pie as she moved towards the door. Adora remained quiet. 

Catra held onto the dish. “Razz, I work at a diner. There’ll be plenty of food around for me to eat.”

“But not Razz’s Shepherd’s Pie.”

Well, Catra had to give the old lady that. She chuckled, “But not Razz’s Shepherd’s Pie.”

She moved towards the door, using her free hand to reach for the knob before just resting it there. She sighed. God, Catra knew she couldn’t just leave without even acknowledging Adora. She was the one that had agreed to this dinner. Adora hadn’t forced her into anything, and for the most part, besides waving at her every once in a while, had listened to Catra and left her alone. She sighed again before turning around.

Adora was just staring at her, mouth slightly agape, looking a little bewildered. At her own loss for what to do or how to interact. She fidgeted absentmindedly with the buttons on her shirt. Catra pursed her lips.

“Bye,” she nodded at Adora. She was out the door before she could hear if Adora had responded. 

…

Adora still had emotionally recovered two days later when Bow and Glimmer were scheduled to come over and hang out. Adora had seen them periodically since they all graduated high school, they were her best friends after all. But they had gone to a different college, and they all had their different responsibilities, and sometimes it was hard to get together. They had kept in close contact though, and Adora was excited to see them again.

But she couldn’t get her mind off Catra. If she was so hell bent as being as short with Adora as possible, why the hell did she even accept the offer to come to dinner? It had seemed like Catra had gone in knowing that nothing productive would take place, yet she still showed up. She still made Adora sit through that awkward dance the three women had partaken in, shutting her down at every opportunity. 

But she had showed up, that had to mean something, right? 

Ugh, Adora knew that Catra had been fond of games back when they were close in high school. But never with her. Adora might have been the only person in the world that Catra was completely straightforward with. But that was gone now. She had to keep reminding herself that they were no longer what they once were. It made her heart hurt.

Adora had confronted Razz after the dinner. It could have gone worse, surely, but it still put both the girls in an awkward position. Too much, too quickly. Adora had been handling it, and she didn’t know what Razz’s angle was. Why was she so intent on pushing Catra and Adora together? Sure, Razz had known that they had been close way back when. Adora would literally use Razz as an excuse just to get to see Catra. But she had also known that something had happened between them, especially since Adora tended to go to Razz when she was having a breakdown over the blown-up relationship. Adora couldn’t figure the old lady out.

“Razz, why did you do that? I told you it was a bad idea,” Adora had lamented while they sat down for a cup of tea before bed that night after dinner. 

“Not a bad idea, dearie. You talked! You were in the same room! That’s good. That’s good, dearie,” Razz nodded to herself. Well, Adora was glad that at least Razz was happy with herself. Because Adora’s stomach was churning. She had just gotten on level ground with knowing how to deal with Catra. She was waving, and Catra was waving back. And then Razz went and did whatever the hell she did and the ground she and Catra were on was shaky once again. 

“She barely talked to me, Razz. I had everything handled. I don’t know what to do now!”

Razz outright laughed in her face. Adora frowned. “Had it handled! Good one, Mara dearie. You were waving to her.” Razz shook her head, wiping a tear from her eye. Quieter, she chuckled, “Had it handled.”

Adora was getting exasperated. “She was waving back!”

Razz just kept shaking her head, chuckling and wiping at her eyes, and that had been the end of the conversation. 

The day her friends were set to come, she was distractedly cleaning her room, which was still relatively bare since she moved in not too long ago. Only a full bed pushed into the corner, a worn wooden nightstand cluttered with various items next to. The closet was next to the door and was barely big enough to house all of Adora’s clothes, and she didn’t have many in the first place. On the wall opposite her bed she had hung a plethora of photos of her and her friends, including Bow and Glimmer, and other friends from college. No photos of Catra though, even though she had been the center of Adora’s life for so long. She had wavered between hanging a few of her favorites of Catra up when she was decorating her room, but in the end, she decided it would hurt too much. So, she tucked those photos into the drawer of her nightstand. 

“Mara dearie, your friends are here!” Razzed yelled, and moments later two fully grown humans burst through Adora’s door and basically tackled her in a bear hug. 

“Best friend squad reunion!” Bow yelled, right in Adora’s ear. She winced. 

“Adora, it’s been freaking forever. God, it’s so good to see you! Bow has been driving me crazy!” Glimmer was more courteous, pulling back from Adora a little bit and yelling into her face instead of directly in her ear. 

“Hey!” Bow exclaimed, glee in his voice still present. Adora tried to chuckle, but her ribs were being squeezed to the point that the only sound she could get out was a groan.

“Guys… you’re… crushing,” she had managed. Immediately Bow and Glimmer released her, looking apologetic. 

“Sorry, Adora. We’re just happy to see you,” Bow said, a huge grin plastered across her face. He slung an arm around Glimmer’s shoulders. 

“Yeah, I can tell,” she responded, rubbing a hand over her bruised ribs. “Its good to see you guys too. Glad to see you’re still into crop tops, Bow. Looking good.”

“You know I’m never gonna give up on the crop top. Most comfy piece of clothing one can own,” Bow says proudly. “And what have I said since high school?”

Adora and Glimmer reply simultaneously, “Comfort is fashion.”

“Exactly.”

“And Glimmer. Liking the hair.”

Glimmer smiled and ran a hand through her short bob, “Thank you! I decided to add some purple to the pink last minute. Bow didn’t even notice.”

Bow looked offended, “Listen, adding a teensy amount of purple to your hair, which has literally been pink for years, is not all that noticeable!” 

Glimmer shook his arm off her shoulder and hit him playfully, “You’re my boyfriend. You’re supposed to notice these things.”

Bow just shrugged. The two had gotten together two years ago after having known each other for their whole lives and having fostered crushes on each other since then. And Adora was very happy for them. They made each other happy, even if they acted even more like a sickening married couple than they had when they were just friends. They were good for each other. But under all that joy for them, Adora couldn’t mistake the slight feeling of jealousy in the pit of her stomach. Their relationship, while not an exact mirror, resembled what she and Catra had. And it had ended happily for them. Not so much for Catra and Adora.

Jesus, she was with her friends. She needed to stop thinking about Catra. Adora forced herself to smile. “Okay, okay, enough you two. Let’s play a game before y’all make me barf.”

In the end, they went out into the kitchen and decided on playing Settlers of Catan. It turned out that Bow had brought a six-pack of beer from some local brewery, so while he set about grabbing a can for each of them, Adora and Glimmer worked on setting up the board. Razz had retired to her room to do whatever she did in there, so they basically had the trailer to themselves. 

Adora was glad to be back with her friends. She really had missed them. Even if they did talk every day, it was nothing like hanging out with them face to face. And she needed this, if only to take her mind off Catra and give herself a moment’s reprieve from the tumultuous thoughts that had been swimming through her head since she saw Catra the day she moved in with Razz. 

She retrieved her speaker from her room and allowed Glimmer to hook up a playlist, which played softly in the background. Bow placed the beers on the table in front of them. All was good, even if only for the night. Adora would allow herself this. 

And it was going well! She wasn’t thinking about Catra at all as she was basically decimating Bow and Glimmer in the game. The two shared pouts and tried to team up against Adora, but to no avail. Her pieces were placed just right, to the point where she was getting all the cards she needed and had succeeded in achieving longest road a couple of turns ago. She was rolling.

And then Bow brought up Catra. Of course, it would be Bow, he had a strange but meaningful friendship with Catra back in high school. It had taken awhile for Adora to get Catra to warm up to Glimmer, on a base level they were very similar in personality. But Catra had taken to Bow almost immediately, probably because he took her playful digs in stride and sometimes even gave it right back. 

Adora wasn’t surprised that Bow was wondering about what Catra was up to. She would’ve been too. She was, until she had literally fallen into Catra’s lap. She just wished that he hadn’t brought it up. 

But sometimes wishes don’t come true. Most the time, really.

“I know it’s been awhile, Adora, but have you heard anything about Catra?” Bow asked while building a settlement. Adora sighed. She didn’t know how much detail she should go into, mostly because she didn’t know what Catra would want revealed. Catra had always been a private person. And in reality, it’s not like she knew many details about Catra’s life anyway. Sure, she knew now that she worked at the diner and still lived in her childhood home. But outside of that, Catra hadn’t given her anything.

Did she still play the guitar? She had played it so well in high school. Sometimes after school, Catra would sneak Adora into her room through the window and they would sit there, Adora trying to focus on homework but more in tune with the song Catra was strumming on the guitar and softly singing. They would spend hours like that. Catra didn’t care much about homework. 

Did she still like peanut butter and banana sandwiches for breakfast?

“Adora, you alright?” it was Glimmer.

Adora snapped back into reality, though she still stumbled over her thoughts, “Yeah, yeah, sorry. Just thinking. You guys haven’t seen her around?”

Glimmer shook her head and took a development card. “We’ve seen her, but it seems like every time we do, she goes above and beyond to try and avoid talking to us.”

Bow agreed while Adora rolled the dice. “Yeah, it’s been really weird. The last time she spoke to us was literally the day you two, well… you know.”

Adora did know, and a wave of oppressing despair washed over here at the mention of that fateful night. A lump formed in Adora’s throat, and she could feel the tears threatening the back of her eyes. Bow noticed the reaction immediately and reached across the table to put a hand on Adora’s shoulder, whose head was hanging. 

“Hey, buddy, sorry for bringing that up. I know its difficult for you,” his voice was comforting. A silent sob wracked through Adora’s body.

Glimmer had moved from her chair and kneeled beside Adora’s shaking body, putting a hand on her knee and wrapping an arm around her back. “Adora…”

Suddenly Adora sat up straight, wiping furiously at her face. “I’m – I’m fine. Really, it’s all good. Ugh.” She took a few more moments to compose herself and cleared her throat. “Sorry, jeez. It’s fine. I’m sorry. Jesus, it’s been five years. I shouldn’t be like this.”

Bow shook his head. “You guys were close. It’s hard, Adora. Time isn’t just gonna change that.”

“Time is supposed to heal all wounds,” Adora whispered, staring blankly ahead, tear streaks staining her cheeks. She was only sniffling now, no longer outright sobbing. 

“Maybe… but that’s just a stupid phrase,” Glimmer rubs her back in circular motions, trying to offer her some comfort, “It doesn’t dictate your life. And its certainly not the rule for how you should feel.”

“I did see her. Have seen her around. It’s just… hard.”

Bow and Glimmer might have been the only two people in the whole entire world that had known the extent to which Adora and Catra’s relationship ran. They had been there through it all. Adora knew that Catra would never admit it, but the four had been a tight-knit group during high school. Not much got by Glimmer and Bow in terms of the happenings between Catra and Adora back then. The day after the girls had kissed for the first time, Bow and Glimmer had clocked it. They were ecstatic, of course. Anyone with eyes could see the chemistry that crackled between the two. But, like she had with Catra, Adora had sworn Bow and Glimmer to secrecy. They agreed readily, knowing it was not their story to tell, but they knew, and they were supportive. 

Adora knew that she didn’t have to go out of her way to convey just how hard it was, though they didn’t know that the source of all her anguish had been in the exact room they sat in but two days ago and lived right across the street. Adora breathed deeply, trying to calm herself. They would know she was hurt, but they wouldn’t know that hurt was slapping her in the face every single day with just one glance to the trailer across the dirt path. 

“It’ll get easier,” Bow said. Adora knew that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.

Adora ended up winning the game when they got back to playing. She always won against Bow and Glimmer. She always won, period, unless Catra was playing. Unsurprisingly, they hadn’t played with Catra in years. So, Adora kept winning.

After her friends left, Adora felt better. Sad, yes, but better. She had been lulled into a sense of acceptance that what she wanted to rebuild with Catra would take time. It caused her to be completely unprepared for what came next. 

…

Catra was livid. She was just about to go on a jog, another attempt to get her life on track, when she froze at the sight she saw outside her window. Glimmer and Bow, happily getting out of a shiny black Volvo, chatting amongst themselves. Catra felt as if a bucket of ice water had been dumped on her. What the hell were they doing here?

Back in high school Catra had never invited Bow and Glimmer to the trailer park. They lived in nicer homes and lived a life of relative luxury. There was much more to do on their side of town anyway. Glimmer had a pool. Bow’s dads would cook grand meals. What would they do at a freaking trailer park? Sit in the cramped living room and watch Shadow get drunk on wine and berate Catra’s friends for having the gall to hang out with such a worthless waste of space like her? That didn’t sound appealing to Catra, so she never invited them over. 

And she also made a point not to mention the fact that she lived in a trailer park on the wrong side of the tracks. She asked that Adora did the same, because while she wasn’t necessarily ashamed of the place she grew up in, she didn’t want the knowledge of her situation would entail. The pity is what Catra couldn’t take. And that’s what she knew was in store for her if Bow and Glimmer, or anyone else, found out the extent of Catra’s situation. She didn’t need anyone else; she could deal with her own situation alone. It was just easier the less people knew about it. 

Adora, of course, had been the exception. And not only because Razz had lived across the street. Catra knew she would have told Adora anyway, just because of the bond that the two shared. Adora had been her person, and she didn’t want to keep anything from Adora. She didn’t have to tell her, Adora had found her all on her own. Adora knew and she didn’t pity Catra. She didn’t look at Catra like she needed a hero. She had been there for Catra, had befriended her and loved her, no conditions attached. 

At least, that’s what Catra thought at the time. 

But now, Glimmer and Bow were here, right across the street, in her trailer park. Fuck. Even after not speaking for five years, Catra felt herself shudder at the thought that Bow and Glimmer might think of her as someone to be pitied. It didn’t matter that they might not have the ability to act on that pity, just the fact that it would be in their minds was enough for a rage to overtake Catra. 

She paced back and forth in the main room of her trailer, huffing and puffing and trying not to pull out her hair. Melog watched her, meowing worriedly at Catra’s distress. But Catra was seeing red through tunnel vision. It may have been unreasonable, but that thought never occurred to Catra. She was just too pissed at the thought that Bow and Glimmer might find out, might fucking know at this point, that Catra was just trailer park trash with nothing to look forward to in her life. 

And the thought that Adora might have been the one to reveal this information? The thought made Catra nauseous. She had promised, oh so long ago, to keep this between them. She had kept Adora’s secret, she only thought it fair that Adora keep hers. 

Once Catra wore herself out pacing, she retreated to her bedroom and fell onto her bed. She tried the breathing exercises that her therapist had taught her, but it seemed futile. Melog jumped on the bed a few moments later, and Catra tried to comfort herself by nuzzling into the soft fur of the cat’s stomach. 

“Ugh, what the fuck is going on over there, Melog?” she asked, her voice muffled. Melog meowed in response. 

Catra had ended up holing up in her bedroom with Melog for the next four hours, hoping that by the time she arose, Glimmer and Bow would be long gone. When she finally forced herself to look out the window, she noticed that it was dark outside, and the car that Glimmer and Bow had showed up in was no longer parked outside of Razz’s trailer. 

Catra made her move, startling Melog, but she didn’t even notice. She marched her way through her trailer and stormed out the door, making her way over to the trailer across the road. She knocked on the door forcefully. 

The door flew open, and there stood Razz, broom in hand. “Catra dearie, good to see you!”

Catra had never been short with Razz before. She had a soft spot for the old lady, despite her relation to Adora and all that her memory entailed. But that didn’t stop her now, “Where’s Adora?”

Razz didn’t miss a beat, “Adora? Oh, Adora! She went to the store for Razz to pick up some baking soda.”

Catra gritted her teeth. Of course, Adora’s pick-up was nowhere to be seen, “Can you please tell her to come over when she gets home? I need to talk to her.”

“You want to talk to Adora, dearie? Of course, I’ll send her over to you right away! No worries!”

Catra sighed and managed, “Thanks.”

She turned and made her way back to her own trailer and settling into her couch, petting Melog and desperately trying not to think about how good a stiff glass of whiskey would feel right now. “Breath, Catra,” she reminded herself. She tried to convince herself that her anger was irrational, but she couldn’t. 

She was blinded by rage. 

…

Adora got home and placed the baking soda on the counter, calling for Razz, who was in her room.

Razz burst through her door, startling Adora. “Mara dearie, the girl across the street wanted to see you!”

Adora was confused. “Catra?”

Razz seemed excited, picking up the broom leaning against the kitchen table and waving it in the air. “Yes, Catra! She wanted to talk to you.”

Adora’s brain didn’t seem to want to comprehend the situation, because she couldn’t grasp what was being said to her. “Um, where?”

“Her place, of course!”

Adora swallowed thickly. Catra wanted her to come over. That could either be a really good thing or a really bad thing. “Now?”

“Yes, dearie. Go. Don’t keep your girl waiting!” Razz exclaimed before putting the broom down and disappearing back into her room. 

Adora swallowed again. She ran through the events of the past few days. Did she do anything to piss Catra off? They hadn’t seen each other since the dinner two nights ago. Catra had not been outside reading, and Adora had no outside work to do. Did she want to talk about the dinner? What was there left to talk about, Catra had made it clear how she was going to treat Adora in any subsequent conversation. So, what could she possibly want?

Adora decided to find out sooner rather than later. She walked over to Catra’s trailer quickly, not daring to even hesitate and give her anymore time to think about what might come. She knocked on the door.

Almost immediately the door flung open and Catra appeared in the doorway. Oh no. Catra was mad, that much Adora could tell. Her freckled cheeks were flushed, her jaw was clenched, and her mismatched eyes were narrowed. Fuck, Adora was in for it. 

“Uh, hey Catra,” Adora said sheepishly, scratching on her throat and then rubbing the back of her neck. She tried to appear nonchalant, but she was terrified. Catra looked feral. 

Catra barely opened her mouth when she growled, “What the fuck did you tell them?”

Adora was taken aback, “What are you talking about?”

Catra’s expression didn’t change, “What did you tell Bow and Glimmer? Were you talking about me?”

Clarity dawned upon Adora. She was mad that Glimmer and Bow had been to the trailer park. Adora remembered how sensitive Catra had been back in the day about her background, asking Adora not to mention where she lived or who she lived with to anyone, not even their closest friends. She had told Adora at the time that it was because she didn’t want any unwanted pity, and it was nobody’s business but Catra’s own, but Adora always suspected there was something more to it. She didn’t question Catra though. Catra allowed her to know about her background, and she felt honored. Like she was special in Catra’s eyes. 

“Catra…”

“I know you were talking about me! Did you tell them I live here? Did you tell them about how much of a fuck up I am?” Catra almost hissed.

“No! No, fuck, Catra, I didn’t tell them you lived here! I swear, I didn’t say anything about that,” Adora was quick to react. She clasped her hands together, wringing them while Catra’s withering glare bore down on her. 

“Why were they here?” Catra’s voice was still low and raspy, angry. It seemed like she hadn’t even once blinked. 

Adora shook her head, “To visit me? Because they’re my friends. And I live here. Friends visit friends, and I invited them. That’s why they were here, not because of you.”

“Bullshit! I know it was about me! I know you all hate me!” Catra burst, her voice growing in volume and shaking. She was gripping onto the doorknob as she held the door open, breathing deeply, her knuckles white. 

“We never hated you! They don’t hate you, Catra. I promise you; I didn’t invite them over just to expose all your secrets.”

Catra seemed to take deeper breaths and rubbed at her face with her free hand. Her voice was soft and noticeably less angry when she said, her voice muffled by her hand, “Don’t you fucking dare promise me anything.”

She sounded defeated. Adora cringed. “Look, Catra. I didn’t tell them anything, okay? But they did ask about you. It seemed like they missed you.”

Catra didn’t move. “So?”

Adora was walking on thin ice, she knew this. But she had Catra’s ear right now, no matter how angry Catra was. And Adora wanted to talk. “So, maybe you should talk with them. Get together with them. They didn’t do anything, Catra, and all of the sudden they never heard from you.”

“I don’t have time for this right now,” Catra sighed, removing her hand from her face. She seemed more defeated than anything at this point. She seemed tired. 

So, Adora couldn’t get through to Catra with Bow and Glimmer. She took a different angle. 

“Look, Catra,” she pleaded. “I think we need to talk. I want to talk. We’re neighbors now. We can’t keep avoiding each other. It’s been a long time, okay? Maybe it’s time to work through this.”

Catra scoffed. “It’s not that easy. Maybe I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”

“Really?” Adora was close to tears. “Look, I know what happened between us was bad. Really fucking bad. I’m not stupid, okay? I know that’s not just over because some time has passed. But it’s been five years! We’ve both matured, right? We can talk this out. We can have a conversation. Please, I beg you. Let’s talk.”

Catra sighed but didn’t look away from Adora, her eyes still narrowed and questioning. She stood there for a few moments, staring down Adora. Adora didn’t back down. She stared right back, realizing just how dire this situation was. She had Catra right in front of her. She couldn’t lose her again. Not now. Not after all this time. They hadn’t even started again. And over a fickle misunderstanding about why Adora had Glimmer and Bow over? It couldn’t end like this. Adora wouldn’t let it. This was nothing. This was stupid. This was a simple misunderstanding. Catra stayed silent.

“Catra, please… Please.” Adora whispered, meeting Catra’s gaze. “I miss you.”

Catra dropped her eyes and looked as if a hundred-pound weight had descended upon her soldiers. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she held her arms together over her stomach. Adora had never seen her look so small. It broke her heart all over again. 

A moment passed. Then she finally lifted her eyes to meet Adora’s pleading ones. “Look, I need some time, Adora. I just… I need – give me some time. Okay? Just a little time.”

And at that she shut the door on Adora’s face once again, leaving Adora staring at nothing, fighting the tears that threatened to flood her eyes. She stood there for a few moments, dumbfounded and wondering where to go from here. Catra shut her down, sure. But she had left an opening. She only asked for a little time, not the rest of her life. But did she mean it? Is she really willing to entertain the prospect of Adora being back in her life, or is she just letting her down easy?

Adora didn’t know the answer and finding out scared the living hell out of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am the undisputed apartment Settlers of Catan champion. My roommates and I play almost every night, and I win basically every other game. I'm not bragging, just stating facts. 
> 
> I didn't expect this to come out this quickly either. I don't how long I'll be able to keep up this pace. But again, I'm basically just playing guitar, reading fic, or writing fic all day. So, here we are.


	4. Slow and Steady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra considers some advice. Adora tries to get out of her head. A party is thrown, and progress is made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, here's chapter 4. It's a little lighter than usual, so enjoy.

Catra had to work the next morning. She wasn’t usually excited to go to work, who wants to go deal with customers who think they know better than you and treat you like it? But work offered a bit of reprieve in Catra’s mind, so she woke up more relieved than anything. She snuggled Melog for a minute or two before getting up to shower and brush her teeth. She put a little gel in her hair before she pulled on her work uniform, consisting of a grey Fright Zone pull over and jeans, put on her comfortable white sneakers, and headed out on her bike. 

She didn’t see Adora. She didn’t expect to, it was 5:30 in the morning. No sane human would be up at that time. 

Catra focused on the music playing through her earbuds, trying not to think about anything else. What she told Adora was true, she needed time. But she didn’t know if time itself would be enough. She wanted it to be. A significant amount of stress would be lifted off Catra’s shoulders if her and Adora were just able to go back to normal again. But truthfully, Catra had no idea how to interact with her anymore. The last couple months of her and Adora’s relationship had been shrouded by Catra’s hazed intoxication and hooking up. Catra, for the life of her, couldn’t remember how they had been around each other before those two crutches showed themselves. She knew it had been easy. She knew they were able to do it. But Catra didn’t remember how. And now, after those two crutches had been removed and five years had allowed them to grow apart, the problem was compounded even further. 

She shook her head, trying to rid it of those thoughts.

Scorpia had a cup of coffee waiting for Catra when she arrived at the diner. Black, just like she liked it.

Catra moaned, “God, Scorp, you’re the best.”

“No problem, Wildcat! You look a little tired. Rough night?” Catra was wearing her uniform too, despite the fact that she owned the place and didn’t actually work there. Scorpia had insisted on being at the diner as much as she feasibly could and helping out. The place was basically her home and her whole life. Besides the new girlfriend Scorpia had been gushing about recently.

“You have no idea,” Catra mumbled, sipping at her steaming coffee. “How’s the new girlfriend?”

“Oh, Perfuma? She’s great! She took me to a yoga class on Saturday. It was the best, so relaxing. Then we went to a flower shop, and Perfuma bought me a bouquet and explained what each of the flowers in it meant. God, I’m so happy, Catra. You have no idea,” Scorpia said while looking over the profits from yesterday. There was still a couple of minutes before the diner opened, so Catra sat on one of the stools up against the counter and cradled the coffee mug in her hand. 

She knew she sounded deflated when she said, “That’s good, Scorp. Good for you.”

She really meant it when she said it, but apparently Scorpia picked up on her tone. The large woman with white hair disregarded the clip board in front of her and studied Catra with a worried expression. “Okay, what’s wrong?”

Scorpia knew the bare basics of Catra and Adora’s relationship. She knew that they were incredibly close. Best friends. Scorpia would watch while Adora would go and greet Catra after soccer matches. Would listen as Catra would talk about Adora during soccer practices. Once Catra got in really deep with alcohol and drugs and she would show up intoxicated to Scorpia’s dorm at the community college, ranting and raving about how Adora was the best thing that had ever happened to her. Even though Catra never divulged the fact that her and Adora were involved at the time, she knew that Scorpia was aware what they meant to each other. The cleaner Catra got as the years went on, the less she talked about Adora, but that just really hammered the nail on the head for Scorpia that there was something intense between Catra and her old best friend.

Catra knew all this. There was an internal fight going on inside of her on whether she should turn to Scorpia to talk or whether she should bottle all this up and figure it out on her own. The old Catra would have done the latter. She was trying to be better. So, she decided to open up, albeit a little bit.

“Adora’s back,” Catra said, not looking Scorpia in the eye. 

Scorpia, sweet Scorpia, missed the heaviness of the situation at first. “Oh, yeah! Perfuma told me she had moved back into town! She wants to get together at some point, I think.”

“Your girlfriend knows Adora?” Catra questioned. 

“Yep. I think they went to college together.”

Fuck, Catra thought, things were getting more and more intertwined. She let her head fall into her hands. 

“Wildcat?”

Catra raised her eyes minutely, meeting Scorpia’s, “She’s living across the street from me, Scorpia.”

Scorpia’s expression turned from happy, to confused, to recognition at the magnitude of what Catra was going through. But at that moment, the bell atop the door of the diner rang and two customers walked in, taking a booth next to the front windows.

“I’ll be right back,” Catra muttered, and stalked off to greet the new customers as she was putting on her apron. She could feel Scorpia’s black eyes on her as she went. 

She walked up to the customers, an elderly man and woman, who were holding hands across the table. Catra tried to plaster a smile on her face and put some life in her voice, but she didn’t think she succeeded. “Can I get you two anything to drink?” 

The couple didn’t seem to notice anything especially wrong. The woman responded for both of them. “I think we’ll just take a couple of coffees, thanks.”

“Do you take cream and sugar?”

“Yes, please, dear.”

Catra made her way back to the counter and addressed Scorpia on the other side of the counter, “Mind pouring two mugs of coffee?”

Scorpia got to work while Catra collected a plate filled with small containers of cream and packets of sugar. Scorpia, while pouring, looked back at Catra and asked, “Have y’all talked?”

“Kind of.”

“What does that mean?”

Catra sighed as Scorpia placed the two mugs in front of her on the counter. “We had dinner, and it went… fine, I guess. But then she invited some of our old friends from high school to her place and I guess I kind of just… flipped.”

Scorpia looked at her, confused, “Why?”

Catra basically growled and grabbed the mugs and the small plate. “Just sec.”

By the time she delivered the coffees to the elderly couple, a group of three construction workers coming to get breakfast before their shift sauntered in and sat at another booth. Pam, the woman that worked behind the counter, had also finally shown up. Catra took the construction workers’ drink order and made her way back towards the counter.

“Two Pepsis and a coffee,” she said to Pam, who began to fill up the plastic cups at the fountain. Scorpia went to pour the coffee.

“Listen, it’s just weird, okay. They hadn’t known I lived where I lived in high school because it wasn’t worth it, you know. They lived in the good neighborhood. They had a lot more stuff to do. And I didn’t want them pitying me. If they found out now, five years later, because of stupid Adora and started pitying me after all this time. If they found out that I had been keeping that from them in high school. I don’t know. It’s… embarrassing,” Catra explained, delivering the drinks to the construction workers, who were ready to give their food order. The elderly couple was ready as well. She took both and handed the papers to Scorpia, who hung them up in the window to the kitchen.

Scorpia had found out a couple of years ago where Catra came from. Catra had never had a car, and so she eventually allowed herself to rely on Scorpia to give her rides around town when it was too far to use her bike. She knew that Scorpia was far too nice to think anything of it. 

“I don’t want them to think that I was hiding anything from them. But I also don’t want them to know about my situation now when I can’t even talk to them and defend myself,” Catra explained further.

“Why can’t you talk to them?” Scorpia asked. 

Catra scoffed, “Because they’re Adora’s friends.”

“But you were all close in high school. I remember seeing y’all together all the time,” Scorpia looked down to her clipboard again. 

Catra felt the heat rise to her face, anger bubbling in her stomach. She said through gritted teeth, “They were Adora’s friends.”

Catra knew that wasn’t necessarily true. Sure, they had started off as Adora’s friends. She had met them freshman year and quickly took to them. She then introduced Catra to them, trying to force the trio together with Adora as the facilitator. Catra remembered butting heads with Glimmer at first. Her and Bow had clicked pretty quickly. Soon, yeah, they were all friends. They were a group. But on a base level, Catra had always felt that the only reason she was hanging out with them was because of Adora.

Scorpia glanced up to meet Catra’s narrowed eyes. “Okay. Okay. So, they found out where you lived?”

“No. Adora didn’t tell them.”

“You talked to Adora?”

“Yes! And like I told you, I flipped! And I told her I needed time! And now I’ve probably completely ruined everything, and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or bad thing!” Catra seethed.

“Order up!” the cook yelled from the kitchen. Scorpia stared at Catra as she walked back to the window and retrieved the dishes for the elderly couple, bringing it to their table and asking if they needed anything else. 

Scorpia was still staring when Catra made her way back up to the counter. 

“Wildcat, you probably haven’t told me everything completely, but I’m just gonna ask you some questions. Is that okay?” Scorpia asked, completely abandoning any work she had planned on getting done.

“Sure,” Catra said, actually unsure. 

“You’ve grown since you’ve last been close with Adora, right?” Scorpia asked. 

“Yes. Well, fuck, I hope so.”

“You have,” Scorpia assured her. “And Adora’s probably grown a little bit, too?”

It seemed like she had. For one, she hadn’t completely steamrolled over Catra’s request to leave her alone like she might have back in high school. 

“Probably.”

“And you don’t want to go back to the dynamic you two had at the end of high school, right?” Scorpia was leaning across the counter, boring her eyes into Catra’s.

“Hell no.”

“Before everything, you know,” Scorpia makes an explosion noise, her hands mimicking, “you two had a really great connection? You got along really well?”

Catra conceded, “She knew me better than anyone.”

Scorpia nodded, “So, you had a connection back then. Then you both split apart and grew. But at the same base level, you’re still Catra and Adora. So maybe, just maybe, this new Catra and Adora can also foster a connection. Can also form a bond. Not despite your past, but because of it?”

“Scorpia,” Catra sighed, understanding what she was getting at, “I have no idea how to interact with her anymore. It’s been so many years. So many things have happened. I don’t know if what your saying is right.”

Scorpia put her elbows back onto the table, leaning into the counter, “No, new Catra doesn’t know how to interact with old Adora. But old Adora doesn’t exist anymore, not on any legitimate level. She’s still the same girl deep down, so are you. But, as you said, you’ve both grown. So maybe you don’t need to know how to interact with old Adora anymore. Maybe you need to learn how to interact with new Adora. A blank slate, you know?”

Catra was having a hard time following that reasoning. She lamented, “But we have so much history.”

“Of course, you do, and I’m not saying you must forget any of it, Wildcat. I’m just saying that maybe you can find a new basis for connection, even with your history, and based on both of your respective growth.”

Catra sighed. She was finding it hard to admit that Scorpia was making a bit of sense. She had been looking at Adora as the girl she had been in high school, not the woman she was now. Maybe interacting with her would be easier if she didn’t necessarily forget the past but didn’t hold on to it so tightly. She looked at her friend across the counter. “You’ve been spending too much time with Perfuma.”

Scorpia began wiping down the counter, smiling. “I know.”

“Order up!” the cook yelled. 

As Catra went to collect the food, Scorpia grabbed her elbow. “Hey, I’m planning on having a little gathering Tuesday night, just to play some games and hang out with some friends. Wanna come? Get your mind of things for a bit?”

Catra smiled at her, “I’ll think about it.”

…

Adora didn’t know how she had been roped into attending some party at Perfuma’s place. She had never really been one for parties, though she had frequented them in high school. But, Perfuma had met Bow and Glimmer when they had visited Adora in college, and since then she had connected with both. It was hard not to be friends with Perfuma. 

So, Bow and Glimmer were going. And thus, so was Adora. She was at the apartment the boyfriend and girlfriend shared, fretting over the tight yellow shirt, ripped jean jacket, and black jeans she was wearing. 

“This doesn’t seem right,” she complained, pulling her hair back into a ponytail. Glimmer stopped her before she could finish.

“Leave it down,” she said, pulling on her own cute little purple mini dress. “And besides, Adora, you need to get out, relax a little. Hang out with some friends! No better way to stop thinking about your… well, whatever Catra was.”

Adora started pulling on some black Adidas sneakers. She wasn’t totally against going out. Sure, it might be good to get her mind off things. But part of her also had a bad feeling. She had to keep reminding herself that things would be fine. Sure, Catra had said that she needed time. But she didn’t put a stop to everything for good. It was still hopeful. That’s what kept Adora going, checking herself out in the mirror one more time before facing Glimmer. 

“Did you really feel the need to bring her up right now?” 

Glimmer shrugged, applying the last of her lip gloss. “Sorry, I wasn’t thinking. I’m just excited to everyone tonight! Sea Hawk and Mermista are supposed to be there. I haven’t seen them since high school! Look, I know things are weird for you right now. I know you’re going through stuff. But it’ll be good for you. We’ll have fun. We haven’t partied together in a long time.”

Right at that moment, Bow knocked on the door. “Y’all decent?!”

“Come in, Bow!” Glimmer called back. 

He burst into the room, looking dashing in a grey blazer over a black crop top, jeans matching the jacket. His tight curls were freshly gelled, and he smiled at the two girls. “How do I look?”

Adora smiled as Glimmer made her way over to her boyfriend, planting a kiss on his cheek. “You look amazing, babe.”

“Yeah, Bow, you look incredible,” Adora agreed, looking approvingly at her two friends. They really were cute together. 

Bow grinned down at his girlfriend, a hand around her waist. After a minute at gazing into each other’s eyes, they both turned to look at Adora, smiling. Bow said, “As do you ladies. Shall we get going?”

Adora nodded, and with a flourish, Bow stuck it out is arm, Glimmer took it, and they waltzed out of the room like the fucking king and queen of England. She had to roll her eyes at that, but she quickly followed them out to Adora's pickup. 

Adora had started getting excited in the car ride over. Glimmer was right, it would be nice to get out a little bit and hang out with friends she hadn’t seen in a long time. Next to her, Bow and Glimmer were chatting giddily about the beer pong games they were going to partake in, the dances they were going to do, the people they were going to talk to. Adora found herself listening in enthusiastically, not exactly participating in the conversation.

Maybe everything would be alright. 

They arrived at Perfuma’s small but quaint house. It was about thirty minutes past starting time, but the occupants of the first floor of the house were already spilling out into the front yard. 

Bow took in the sight, his hand entwined with Glimmer’s as all three of them took in the house before them. “Well, seems like Perfuma might be more of a party girl then we thought.”

Adora scoffed, “Please, the girl’s been a stoner since I’ve known her. Everyone loves Perfuma. This isn’t surprising to me.”

It wasn’t surprising, but it sure was overwhelming. Perfuma hadn’t told Adora that she was planning a whole party. She had characterized it as a gathering. 

Glimmer seemed to be a step ahead of Adora in how all of this came about, “Mermista probably caught a wind of this gathering a couple days early.”

Mermista, who had gone to high school with Bow, Glimmer, and Adora and was on the periphery of their friend group, and who had also gone to college with Adora, was kind of known for completely blowing up parties. Turns out she hadn’t completely grown out of that role. 

Bow stepped in between the two, offering his arms to both, “Well, shall we?”

And so, they went into the house. Adora was happy, she was ready to get wasted and hang out with her friends and be stupid for just one night, forgetting the things that mattered to her in the world. She was ready to let go. She was ready to be free.

What she wasn’t ready for, when she stepped into the house and made her way to the kitchen for a drink, was to see Catra there whispering to Scorpia and Perfuma, laughing wholeheartedly at their responses for her supposed joke. She was wearing a black spaghetti strap crop top and black ripped jeans. She clearly wasn’t wearing a bra, but Adora tried not to notice that. Her short hair was partially gelled back, a couple of strands falling elegantly over her forehead. A tattoo Adora hadn’t noticed before spreading across the left side of her rib cage, disappearing under her shirt. Some sort of flower Adroa couldn’t identify. She looked ethereal.

Almost immediately, Perfuma noticed the trio entering the kitchen, “Bow, Glimmer, Adora, you made it!”

She started to make her way over to them, but Adora wasn’t paying attention to Perfuma. Instead, she watched as Catra snapped her head up to track Perfuma’s movements, locked Adora in the eyes, and positively glared. Then she grabbed Scorpia by the elbow, whispered something in her ear, and led her out of the room, seemingly seething.

Perfuma was greeting them with kisses on the cheek and cheerful words, but Adora was still focusing on the doorway in which Scorpia and Catra disappeared. She honestly did not know that Catra would be here tonight. She had known that Perfuma had met Scorpia a couple of months back, and they were seeing each other. She also knew that Catra had been working at the diner that Scorpia owned. But she didn’t think that Catra and Scorpia were actually friends. To the point where Catra would show up at the parties of her friend’s kind of girlfriend, who was also friends with Adora from college. That seemed far too convoluted! 

But there she was, watching Catra leave and not being able to tear her eyes away from where she went. Catra was here. In person. Not in the trailer park. And they just had a fight. And Adora had no idea what to do. She had no idea what Catra would want her to do.

…

Fuck. Of course, Catra had decided on the one ‘get together’ (which turned into full blown party) that Adora fucking Grey decided to show up to. One minute she was conversing happily with Scorpia and Perfuma, the next she stood shocked and stared as Perfuma ran to great her three old friends from high school.

She watched as a stunned Adora caught her eye, and quickly turned to glare at Scorpia, who seemed just as surprised as the rest of them. She quickly grabbed Scorpia’s elbow and drug her into the den. 

Quickly, Scorpia tried to reassure Catra. “Look, Perfuma must have invited them! Honestly, I had no idea she was going to be here.”

Catra snarled, “Perfuma’s you’re fucking girlfriend. She didn’t tell you who she was inviting? This was supposed to be a frucking gathering, Scorp! Not a party in which Adora would possibliy show up!”

“Yeah, okay, it got out of hand! Maybe it was Mermista! Okay…” Scorpia took a breath and placed her large hands on Catra’s shoulders. “Wildcat, this is going to be fine. I invited you, and you came, so you have every right to stay. I’m just going to go ask Adora to leave and nothing will happen.”

Catra held up a hand, signaling for Scorpia to wait, and turned her gaze to the door she had just ran through, trying to get away from Adora and figure out what was going on. She wondered how Adora was acting right now, after what had gone down between them the other night. She wondered if Adora even cared that Catra was here. 

“No. I’ve been thinking about what you said,” Catra muttered. And it was true, Catra had been thinking about what Scorpia had said. Maybe she had been overanalyzing her and Adora’s dynamic through an outdated lens. Maybe it was time to take a new perspective. “It’s about time the new Catra sits down with the new Adora. I think I wanna understand what she’s all about now.”

Scorpia looked over the moon. “Oh, Wildcat, that’s great! Gosh, you’ve grown so much. Can I hug you?”

Catra groaned but nodded, not taking her eyes off the door, and Scorpia scooped her up into her big arms. “Listen, I’m not telling you its one hundred percent going to work out. But either way, I’m here for you. You know that, though.”

She released Catra and gave her a sappy grin. Catra couldn’t help but smile back. “Thanks, Scorp.”

Scorpia gave her the finger guns and winked, “Anything for you. Alright, I’m gonna go find Perfuma. Keep me updated, alright?”

Catra nodded, and Scorpia was off. Okay, Catra thought to herself, this is it. Time to face a reckoning she had been putting off for far too long.

It happened around 11 p.m. Catra had been subtly watching Adora, noticing how much effort she put into to stay out of Catra’s path. She laughed sarcastically to herself, thinking ‘how fucking courteous.’ But she had tended to avoid Catra by moving from group to group. She was never alone. Either Adora was hanging out with Bow and Glimmer, who thank God followed Adora’s lead and didn’t acknowledge Catra, or catching up with strangers Catra didn’t recognize. All the while, she seemingly kept an eye on Catra to see where she was at and avoid that places she was going. That was fine by Catra. She wasn’t actively seeking Adora out, not at that point. She was content just to stay in her own lane, let Adora avoid her, talk to the people she wanted, until she saw the opportunity to approach. It was all about patience, especially with the past few weeks they’ve had. 

Finally, Adora seemed to wear herself out and plopped down on a loveseat in the living room, absentmindedly drinking from the bottle in her hand and watching the music videos playing on the TV. 

Catra grabbed a can of Coke from the refrigerator, something Pefurma had stocked specifically for her, and made her way to the living room. She came up behind Adora. 

“Someone sitting here?” she asked in the most neutral tone she could muster, pointing to the spot next to her. 

Startled, Adora looked up and met Catra’s eyes with shock spreading across her face. 

…

Catra had asked, but she didn’t wait for a response before coming around and plopping down into the couch, sinking in and cradling the can in her hands. Adora couldn’t help but think that Catra looked beautiful the way her hair fell just right, the small beads of sweat pooling her forehead, the way her crop top left nothing to the imagination. She shook her head, and Catra looked at her.

Adora snapped back to reality suddenly, spluttering and splashing beer, “Oh, um, no… it’s all yours. Uh, hi… Catra.”

Adora rubbed at the back of her neck, taking a sip of her (only) beer and watched as Catra slowly turned towards her, unimpressed. 

At least she threw Adora a tight-lipped smile when saying, “Hey, Adora.”

Adora’s heart fluttered and sank at the same time, and then she registered the can in Catra’s hand. The one she was holding with both hands to the point where Adora couldn’t make out the brand. She was squinting, trying to make out which brand of alcohol would have a red coat on their cans like that, when Catra nudged her with her elbow. 

“It’s just coke, dummy,” Catra told her, revealing the label to prove her point. “I’m not much into drinking nowadays. I’ve been sober for a while now.”

Adora hesitated, not sure on how far she was allowed to go. Frankly, she was shocked that Catra was sitting next to her and freely conversing with her. She didn’t want to ruin it with some stupid question that caused Catra to claim up and shut the door in her face, metaphorically this time, once again. 

In the end, she managed, “Um, how long?”

Catra glanced at her, taking a sip from her pop. “Two and a half years, about. The first six months were spent in a rehab facility in Eternia on the coast. The rest I’ve been living in the trailer.”

Adora understood what that meant immediately. It meant that the two and a half years before Catra sober, after Catra and Adora had parted under miserable conditions, she was addicted and using. Adora could imagine it being worse than how addicted Catra had been for most their senior year of high school. Adora, of course, was happy that Catra had gotten clean. But she felt pangs of guilt flare through her chest that Catra had to go that long dealing with all of tha and no Adora to turn to. 

She knew that was selfish, to think that she would be the only person who would be able to help Catra. But she hadn’t helped her. In fact, she made it worse. Whether it was her fault or Catra’s, there was no doubt that Adora’s role in everything played a significant part in the way Catra’s life ended up. She could understand that. But she was also always there for Catra when she had gone through temporary periods of withdrawal, heaving into Adora’s toilet as she held her hair back. So, Adora wondered who held Catra’s hair after they split paths. Who had wiped the sweat from her face? Who had kissed her cheek as she was hyperventilating, whispering reassurances into her ear? Who had encouraged her to try to get clean at all? And thus came the guilt, even though she felt like she had no right to feel it.

She managed to choke out, despite the forming lump in her throat, “Catra, that’s great that you’ve been sober that long. I’m so happy for you.”

Catra was just starting to shrug when the girl Adora recognized from high school as Scorpia burst into the room. She glanced around frantically before spotting Catra and rushing over and kneeling before her. Scorpia and Catra were now eye to eye, Adora watching awkwardly from the side. She looked on as Scorpia looked intensely into Catra’s eyes, placing her hands on the girl’s shoulders. Catra looked back in a surprisingly calm manner.

“Oh, um, yo, Scorpia. What’s up?” Catra said, throwing a questioning glance Adora’s way. Adora couldn’t help but feel warm because Catra had even thought to acknowledge her as if they had some sort of private understanding between them. 

Even form the awkward angle, Adora noticed the tears welling in Scorpia’s eyes. “I am so sorry, Wildcat. I should have been much more careful.”

Catra looked completely confused. Her nose was scrunched up and her brow was furrowed. She almost looked petulant. Adora had to stop herself from thinking it was cute. “Scorpia,” she groaned, pushing her hands of her shoulders, “what the hell are you talking about?”

Scorpia put her hands to her mouth, an ashamed expression cloaking her face. “I didn’t know there’d be so many people here. And so much… well, you know…” At that she glanced over at Adora, and then at the bottle in Adora’s hand, “Alcohol.”

Catra rolled her eyes and put a hand on Adora’s forearm subconsciously. Adora tensed over the contact, but thankfully Catra didn’t seem to notice. Instead, she addressed Scorpia, “Dude, how many times have I told I don’t need a chaperone? Other people shouldn’t be derived of drinking just because I’m not going to. I’m good Scorpia, seriously. And as for the amount of people…”

Catra turned into Adora’s stare, seeminigly noticing her own hand’s placement, but not moving it. Adora knew she had always grounded Catra, always kept her sane in a crowd of people. She hoped that maybe Catra did not expect it to be any different now, even after all these years. She smiled at Catra, who smiled back and then turned to Scorpia. “I think I’ll be alright for tonight.”

“Are you sure? I can kick people out. I can – I can…”

Catra interrupted before Scorpia could spiral anymore, “Scorpia, I said its fine.” She used her free hand, the one not on Adora’s arm, and cradled Scorpia’s cheek. “I’m good, okay? Now go find your girlfriend and stop trying to ruin her party. I’ll let you know if anything changes.”

Scorpia placed a hand over Catra’s, leaning into it. “You fucking better.”

They both chuckled before Scorpia stood up, ruffled Catra’s hair, and walked back towards the kitchen. Adora couldn’t help herself from staring. Catra turned to face her, not hiding the small smile playing at her lips. Adora was holding her bottle of beer like it was dynamite now, like it was the detonator of some highly explosive thing, i.e. Catra, that she couldn’t figure out how to deal with safely.

“Jesus, Adora, didn’t you just hear me. You can drink, dummy. I’m not some fucking feral animal that can’t control themselves.”

Adora softened her look but didn’t relax completely. Despite being years since she’s known Catra, she knew that the girl didn’t need any coddling. She dealt with things, and if it had to be on her own, so be it. Though Adora hoped that Catra had not had to deal with this one thing alone. Maybe Scorpia had been there for her. That would have been good. 

So, she took a sip, and Catra seemed to relax back into the cushions, taking her own sip of coke. Adora also sat back. But was intent on continuing their conversation, though it seemed impossible without bringing up some landmine that threatened to blow up an already unestablished relationship. 

She brought up probably the worst possible topic. “How’s Shadow?”

But surprisingly, Catra didn’t jump her. She didn’t threaten her. She hardly even reacted before sinking further back into the cushions and bringing her knees to her chest, wrapping her arm around them. 

“She’s in a hospice center. Left me the trailer, and I had nowhere else to go, so… I don’t really stay in contact with her.”

Adora, a little guilty for asking, responded, “I don’t blame you.”

Somewhat abruptly, Catra shifted completely on the love seat to directly face Adora, her left leg hanging off the couch and her right bent at the knee and cradled towards her chest. She sighed heavily before looking Adora in her bright blue eyes. “Look, I just want to say I’m sorry about the way I’ve been acting towards you. I’m trying to get better, but it’s still a work in progress, I guess. So, um, this is me working on it. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to be sorry,” Adora tried to intercede, but Catra shook her head fervently. 

“No, I do. It’s been five years, I shouldn’t let you affect me the way you do,” Catra said, and Adora couldn’t help her heart from fluttering. “We’ve both grown now, I think. So, I shouldn’t be regressing to some petty shit that I would’ve used to people I didn’t like in high school. I’m old enough to know when to be apologetic. I’m sorry.”

Adora watched as Catra stood up, nodding her head, and not even trying to hide her smile. “For the record, I’m sorry too.”

Catra rolled her eyes. “I’m too tired to address all of that right now. I think I’m gonna head home.”

“Wait, how did you get here?” Adora questioned, genuinely curious. She knew Catra didn’t have a car. 

“My bike, dummy. The park isn’t actually that far away.”

Adora stood abruptly, causing Catra to jump back a bit, startled. ‘Watch it,’ Adora thought she heard Catra say, but she wasn’t actually listening. She had this intense urge all of the sudden that she wanted to go home too. She was having fun. But she was also exhausted from avoiding Catra and wondering how to act if she faced her to having Catra actually sit next to her and engage in conversation. A step closer to who they used to be. 

She blurted before she was able to stop herself, “I can give you a ride.”

She watched as Catra maintained a neutral expression, no hint of her take on that proposition. It made Adora nervous, and so she continued, “I mean, I was planning on going home, too, and we live so close together. And you say it isn’t that far but it’s like 10 miles and it’s 11:15 at night so why pass up a perfectly good ride?”

Instead of answering Catra stared at her for a second longer before shouldering past her and making her way to the front door of the house. After a moment, Adora collected herself, made sure her keys were in her pocket, and hurried after Catra. 

Catra was fiddling with her bike chain by the time Adora made it outside. She spotted the girl and made her way over. “You seriously just going to ignore me now?”

Catra glanced up at Adora while she managed to free her bike from the lock. She stood up, steadying the bike, and using her free hand to playfully jab Adora in the shoulder. “No, idiot, relax. I’m unlocking my bike so I can put it in your truck bed. That’s yours, right?”

She was pointing towards Adora’s red truck, so Adora nodded. “Thought so,” Catra acknowledged, and wheeled her bike towards the pick-up. She hoisted the bike up and into the bed, and Adora couldn’t help herself from noticing Catra’s lithe body, the lean muscle adorning her arms and legs. She wasn’t as big and buff as Adora, but she certainly could hold her own.

Catra pulled Adora back from her revery, pulling on the passenger door handle of the truck and yelling, “Adora, just gonna stand there all night? Should I get my bike back out?”

“No!” Adora said, a little too enthusiastically. “I have to go find my keys and see if Bow and Glimmer can hitch another ride or get an uber, I’m good to go. You could have just told me you were going to the car you know?” 

Catra just shrugged, her smile a little devious. “Where’s the fun in that?”

Adora smiled and shook her head. She ran back into the house quickly, grabbing her keys and running to find Bow and Glimmer. Lucky for her, they wanted to stay anyway. So she hurried back out the door and climbed into the driver’s seat, Catra following soon behind into the seat next to her. “Bow and Glimmer wanted to stay for a bit. So, ready?’

Catra nodded, and Adora started the engine. 

…

“It’s Swift Wind,” Adora said, her face straight as she focused on the road. Catra leveled a confusing gaze towards her. 

“What?” she said.

“My pick-up’s name is Swift Wind.”

Catra couldn’t help but laugh. Between chuckles, she managed, “Adora?”

To Catra’s delight Adora joined her in laughing, “Yes?”

“You’re fucking weird,” Catra said, shaking her head. 

Adora protested, “You know how I’ve always wanted a horse. And I’ve always wanted to name it Swift Wind, because no matter what you say, that is an epic name. Well, this is the closest I’ve got to a horse.”

“You understand a pick-up truck and horse have almost nothing in common except that they are used to transport people and things, right? You are not helping your case, here.”

“Don’t forget horsepower,” Adora tried. Catra leveled an incredulous stare at Adora, her eyes wide. Then she burst out in a high-pitched cackle. She could tell by the blush reaching Adora’s cheeks that she knew Catra was laughing at her and not with her, but Adora didn’t seem to care.

“Shut up, Catra,” Adora said, but she was smiling. And Catra was in the passenger seat, curled against the door and looking sleepy and smiling back at her. They were silent for the rest of the way home, but it wasn’t awkward. Instead, it felt like it used to. 

Comfortable.

…

The rest of the ride was silent, though not uncomfortably so. It wasn’t a terribly long trip by car, but Adora could tell that Catra was snoozing. Soft snores, almost like purrs escaped her lips periodically. Adora glanced over at her quickly before turning her attention back to the road, smiling to herself. 

She pulled into the trailer park and made her way slowly to their corner, pulling up in front of Razz’s. She took one last fond look at Catra before she let reality come back completely to her. For a minute there she got lost in the familiarity of the whole scene, driving a drowsy Catra around town to help her fall asleep back when they were back in school. She shook her head to rid it of the memory, cleared her throat, and grabbed Catra’s shoulder. She shook gently.

Catra still woke up the same way. First, it was her eyes. Slowly, they blinked open, revealing her wide pupils and bright blue and light yellow. Then her mouth caught up into a wide lipped yawn, one that reached her forehead, furrowing it. Then, as her face smoothed over and her eyes came to life, the clarity becoming more and more evident in her expression. It was cute. 

“Ugh, fuck. I’m tired,” she yawned again. “Sorry, didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

Adora shook her head and putting the car in park, turning off the engine. “No worries.”

Catra cracked her neck and looked over at Adora, her eyes still a little hazy. She offered a sleepy smile. “Well, thanks for the ride. See you around, Adora.”

“Wait,” Adora said, reaching over the center council but stopping just short of touching Catra. Catra raised an eyebrow at her but released the door handle and turned back towards her.

“Yes?”

“Um, well. I really don’t want to push things, but you came and sat next to me and started talking to me and it was great. I was… um, really happy. I just think… well, talking has been good. I want to keep doing it. You know, talking to you. I don’t want that to end. Ultimately it’s up to you, I guess, but I just wanted you to know what my position is –“ Catra held up a hand. Adora shut her mouth.

“You seriously need to relax a little bit,” Catra told her. “What are you saying, Adora? I told you I needed time. I’m not ready to just jump right back into a friendship with you.”

“And – and I understand that. I’m trying not to push you into a friendship. Really! I just – but we just proved that we can at least converse like normal people. That’s – that’s progress! And I think we can build upon… that.” 

Catra was smiling at her with narrowed eyes, like she was skeptical. It wasn’t some toothy grin, but it was still a smile. “So, what do you propose?”

Adora took a deep breath and held it, “Well, we’re neighbors. So maybe we can’t start with… acting neighborly?”

Catra nodded her head. “I think I can do neighborly, Princess.”

And with that she was out of the car, saluting at Adora through the window, and making her way towards her trailer. Adora sat still and tracked her all the way back into her apartment before she dared moving. Okay, so neighborly it would be. Adora could deal with neighborly. Like she had said.

Princess. The nickname had also been relic from a time where the two were inseparable. Catra had used it so nonchalantly, but it had sent spikes of something through Adora that caused her throat to seize a little. Adora choked it down, she wasn't gonna let her nascent feelings get in the way of the positive steps they were taking. 

Progress. She wasn't going to mess with progress. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooo, they're getting neighborly. 
> 
> These girls are really trying, but they're not completely in the clear just yet. Baby steps, folks, baby steps.


	5. The Spiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How easy is it to be neighborly with a girl you are on not great terms with and may have hooked up with back in the day? Harder than the girls thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, have Chapter 5! It's... something.

Catra was keeping up her side of the bargain. All was going swell for a while. Catra would take her perch on the chair and open her book when Adora would come out, notice Catra, and offer her a familiar wave. But this time, she would go a little further. Now, she smiled and said, “Hi Catra.”

Catra, not waving back because an acknowledgement with both her hand and her mouth would be too much and she was hellbent on taking things slow. But she did smile back, lowering her book and responding, “Hey Adora.”

Adora seemed content with the response every single time, smiling to herself and going about whatever chore she was doing that day. And Catra would go back to reading her book, drinking coffee, and smoking cigarettes until she got tired of reading and headed back inside. 

About a week after the party, Catra accepted Adora’s new greeting with her own, but noticed this time she didn’t offer the wave, her arms being weighed down by cans of paint on either side. She had missed the other painting supplies scattered around the yard. She watched as Adora put down the paint cans and turned to examine the house, presumably to work out where to start. Adora then nodded, bent down and poured some of the painting, which looked to Catra to be yellow, into the paint dish. She loaded up the paint roller. 

Catra scrunched up her face. Yellow? Really? This wasn’t Little House on the Prairie. This was a trailer park in the middle of nowhere. The neighborly thing to do would be to tell Adora what a hideous color that was and not ruin the aesthetic of the neighborhood. She couldn’t help but chuckle at the irony. 

But she would do the neighborly thing. That’s what she told Adora she would do. 

She pushed herself off the chair gracefully and set her book down, making her way across the road. She flicked her cigarette and ground it out with the heel of her boot before addressing Adora, who was primed to tarnish the trailer. 

“What are you doing?” Catra said, hand on her hip. 

Adora startled and turned quickly, splattering some paint onto her loose grey shirt. One hand still held the paint roller primed, the other raised instinctively to the back of her neck. She laughed nervously. “Oh, you know, um… painting the trailer.”

“That color?”

“Razz was getting rid of the ‘drab white,’ as she called it,” Adora shrugged. “She wanted to change it up.”

Catra was unimpressed. “She wanted to change it up, to that color?”

Adora looked at the paint roller and seemed to study the color for the first time. She glanced back at Catra and shrugged again. “Razz gets what she wants.”

“Don’t have to say that again,” Catra chuckled. Adora smiled and turned to the step ladder, climbing up and painting a strip of yellow across the top corner of the trailer. Catra watched her. “Hey?”

Adora didn’t stop working. “What’s up?”

“Got an extra roller brush?”

Adora did stop working then, pulling her hand down and turning cautiously to look at Catra, confusion clear on her face. She squinted her eyes, skeptical.

“Why do you want to know if I have an extra roller brush?”

It was Catra’s turn to shrug. “To help.”

Adora didn’t change her expression. “You want to help me paint Razz’s trailer?”

Catra rolled her eyes. Okay, even when her and Adora were back in high school, Catra was not one to offer her assistance voluntarily in manual labor. And fine, her and Adora were on shaky ground at the moment. But Catra couldn’t believe that Adora would find it so hard to believe that Catra would want to help. 

“Yes, dummy, I want to help. But if you’re just gonna stand there and interrogate me then I can go home and start a new book I got last week. If not, point me to the nearest roller, please, and let’s make this trailer fucking ugly. It’s the neighborly thing to do.”

Adora’s skeptical look turned into a full-fledged smile. She pointed to the part of the yard where all the paint brushes were and got back to painting. Catra gathered her own roller and filled it with paint, starting on the other end of the trailer.

…

For an hour or so while they worked on painting the house, Adora was comfortable in the companionable silence. She felt relaxed. Content. Working towards an accomplishable task with her old best friend without trying to delicately dance around each other. 

Adora didn’t think she’d completely ruin the moment if she said anything. “Hey, I didn’t know you and Scorpia were close.”

Catra glanced at Adora and shrugged, returning to painting. “Yeah, she kind of barged her way into my life in the sweetest way possible and supported me while I tried to pick my whole life up off the ground. She was there for me even when I didn’t want her to be. She just kinda stuck around.”

Adora tried not to take that as a comparison to their own relationship. “I know you guys were on the same soccer team. When did you guys become, like, friends?”

“I had gotten out of rehab over two years ago and was in the grocery store trying to convince myself that I was there to pick up some food, but really I was trying to convince myself to not by that bottle of Jack,” Catra sighed. “Scorpia was there, she recognized me and asked me if I wanted to catch up. At that point, I was all alone and thought that it couldn’t hurt anything. So, we went to get sandwiches. And after that we became friends, I guess. She encouraged me to keep going to AA. She reminded me to talk to my sponsor when I was really spiraling. Then she gave me a job.”

Adora nodded, “It’s lucky you found her.”

Catra scoffed, “I’m lucky she found me. Scorpia’s a good egg.”

Adora looked over at Catra, who had already been staring at her. They locked eyes for a moment, before Catra smiled at her and reloaded her roller brush. 

“What about you, Hot Shot? How did college track go?”

College track. Adora always had a love/hate relationship with track. In high school, it had been a fun thing to join because she got to hang out with Bow and other friends that went out for the sport. Turned out, she had been really good. But the better she got, the more pressure that was put on her, to the point where her own coach and mother had become people she tried to avoid so she didn’t have to deal with any college track talk. At first, track had been fun. But by the end of high school, Adora had come to dread even going to practice. 

Catra was the only person who knew just how much she had grown to despise the sport. Adora knew she wasn’t just asking to be polite, but to find out just how she had dealt with four more years of misery. 

“Oh, you know. Lots of running. I really kind of did it for the scholarship.”

She could see Catra smile out of her periphery. “Oh, just for the scholarship. Not because your own mother and all the other authority figures in your life told you the only way you would be good enough was if on top of the perfect grades and volunteering and leading dozens of different clubs, you also had to be a fucking sports superstar?”

Adora sighed. “Catra –“

“Don’t. I’m sorry for bringing it up. That was my bad.”

Adora glanced at her, “Maybe we should talk about it.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t. Listen, Adora, let’s not push it. Okay? We’re just… two neighbors, painting a house. There’s nothing to talk about. Let’s just focus on the present. Okay?” Catra said, smiling towards Adora. 

Adora pursed her lips, then nodded. Adora knew that at some point they would have to address their past. But Adora was not dumb enough to accept what Catra was offering. They could ease into it.

“Sounds good to me.”

…

By the time the morning was over, they had finished the first coat of the front of the trailer. Adora stretched. Catra heard her stomach grumble and laughed, placing her roller brush into the dish. “Someone’s hungry.”

“Always,” Adora said sheepishly, rubbing at the back of her neck. Catra could see her hesitance. “Listen, in the interest of being neighborly, can I do something to thank you.”

Catra scratched at her stomach, raising an eyebrow. “You really don’t need to.”

“It would just be coffee. You know, just to show how I’m appreciative?”

Catra looked at her, trying to decipher the motivation behind Adora asking her out for coffee, before remembering what Scorpia had said. Maybe it would be nice to get to know the new Adora. Maybe they could start something new. Maybe this coffee would facilitate that.

“You know what, I’m feeling generous. But you’re paying.”

Catra smiled as she watched Adora laugh. “Of course. Let’s go.”

Catra climbed into the passenger side seat of the pickup truck and Adora started the engine, pulling out of the park. They sat in silence for the totality of the ride, which was only a couple of minutes. It wasn’t uncomfortable. 

When they got to the coffee shop, Catra ordered a black coffee and Adora ordered a vanilla latte and a bacon and egg bagel. They then made their way to a table near the windows facing the front windows. Catra adjusted her crew neck. 

“Thanks for the coffee,” Catra said, smiling across the table. “You really didn’t need to do this.”

Adora chuckled, “Razz would have killed me if I didn’t thank you by offering some sort of food or beverage. Also, pretty sure you’re the one whole told me I’m paying. You sure you don’t want something to eat?”

“I’m sure, Adora. But if it makes you feel better, I’ll back you up with Razz if you told her you bought me a breakfast sandwich,” Catra told her, blowing at her mug of coffee.

“I never understood your whole grudge against having breakfast for any other meal than breakfast. Breakfast for dinner is the best.”

Catra shook her head. “Yes, and that was single thing I hated about you. There’s something sacrilegious about eating breakfast food for anything other than breakfast.”

“You do understand that breakfast food is completely subjective, right?” Adora responded. 

Catra just shrugged. “Not to me.”

…

This was going so well, Adora thought. They were sharing banter! They were being neighborly. They were peacefully sitting across from each other, drinking coffee and in public, no less! Adora was ecstatic, though she tried not to allow that to translate to her face for fear of scaring Catra off. 

Catra had offered to help her paint. They had talked a little bit. And then she freaking agreed to go get coffee with Adora. Things could not have been going any better. Adora couldn’t stop herself from smiling broadly. 

Maybe they were good enough with each other to actually reconcile their past. Neighbors do that, talk about their shared history. Right? That was a thing. So, maybe it was okay start initiating a talk that might be able to accomplish lessening the tension that existed between the two. Maybe they could address the pass without starting something that would be irreparable. 

“Catra, I think we should talk about everything that happened,” Adora brought up abruptly. Catra stared across the table at Adora. “We’re not going to be able to improve past this point without addressing the things that went on between us.”

Catra scoffed. “Of course, so now you want to address everything that’s gone on between us when you were oh so comfortable with burying everything at the time.”

“Catra,” Adora captured her gaze. “I just want us to be okay.”

Catra rolled her eyes, “Yeah, on your own fucking terms. I told you, literally an hour ago, that I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to talk about it. I need time.”

Adora looked mad, failing at keeping her voice to an acceptable inside level, “You don’t want to talk about it because you want to completely forget the past. That’s not possible, Catra. It’s far too important. What happened between us, it can be fixed. We can learn from it. We just have to try!”

“Are you fucking kidding me? ‘It can be fixed, we just have to try’? That’s cliché, even for you,” Catra crossed her arms. 

Adora sighed and rubbed at her neck. “I’m sorry… I guess I’m just confused. It kind of seems like you’re stringing me along.”

It seemed like Catra was trying to subdue herself, breathing in deeply through and nose and exhaling through her mouth. She didn’t look angry, necessarily, just… frustrated, maybe. Adora couldn’t really tell. She could never tell with Catra anymore. 

Catra clasped her hands on top of the and took one more breath, voice dripping with sarcasm. “So, let me understand this correctly? I ask you to give me time, right? Because much like you, I’m trying to figure this whole…” she gestured wildly between Adora and her, “shitty situation out. And, while I’m doing that, I decide to be fucking nice to you because I’m trying to be a better person.” Her voice was getting louder. “And that’s what I do.” Louder. “So, you, fucking Adora who can’t let anyone else process things any different from her, take that as me stringing you along!” Louder. “What do you want me to do, Adora?! Avoid you until something magically changes!” She was shouting. “Just hide myself away in my trailer so you can go on about your life until everything is just fine and dandy because I figured out how to deal with whatever this fucked up shit is!”

Adora winced. If she was only frustrated before, she had definitely worked herself into something more. They were getting looks, but Catra didn’t seem to care.

“Catra, that is not what I was saying. I just think we could deal with this together…”

“I swear to God, if you say, ‘if we just talk’ I will flip this table.”

“I just don’t get why you’re so against the idea. Something obviously needs to change between us if we want to move forward.”

Catra stood up angrily from her chair. “You know how much fucking went on. You know its not that simple. Stop fucking trying to fix everything with a snap of your finger, Adora. And you know what, maybe while you’re at it, you should stop trying to fix us.”

“I’m not trying to fix us, I’m trying to fix the past,” Adora exclaimed, also standing. “I’m just trying to keep progressing. I don’t want to lose you again.”

Catra’s teeth were gritted. “I told you, I needed time. And now you wanna bring all this shit up? When we were fucking doing good? I wanna go home.”

“Catra…” Adora said.

Catra didn’t let her finish. “Take me home. Now!”

…

So Adora took her home. The pickup truck was silent and filled with more tension then usual as she drove. Adora could tell Catra was closing herself off, cradling her arms against her chest and keeping her look away from Adora and towards the window. 

Adora had barely pulled to a stop in front of Razz’s trailer when Catra angrily exited the car and slammed the door behind her, marching across the street toward her own trailer. She could hear Adora scrambling behind her.

“Catra, wait!” 

Catra turned around abruptly. Adora still stood on the other side of the car, looking a little scared. 

“What, Adora?! What the fuck do you want now?!” Catra was positively seething. She hoped Adora could see steam coming from her ears. She could feel the irrational anger boiling in her chest, threatening to spill over at any minute. All it would take would be one wrong word from Adora and Catra would blow her top off. 

Adora seemed to find some resolve and moved around the car, still a good distance from Catra. “I want us to be okay! I want us to be able to talk without the underlying pretense that you might blow up at me! Fuck… Catra, I – I want to work things out.”

Catra took a few threatening steps closer, mustering as much venom as she could. “Well, have you ever stopped to consider that the whole world doesn’t revolve around you. Have you ever, once in your life, stopped to think about what the fuck I want.”

“You know what I think you want? You know you’ve been acting like you want? You want me to leave you alone and not talk about all the huge things that are hanging over us and preventing us from getting past anything. If we can’t talk about it, we can’t become anything more than… fucking neighbors!” Adora took her own couple of steps forward. 

“You have no fucking idea about what I want!” Catra burst. “You have no idea who I even am anymore! So stop acting like you do!”

“I realize that I don’t know who you are anymore. That’s the fucking point. I want to get to know you, but we can’t do that unless we talk.”

Catra narrowed her eyes. “I told you I don’t want to talk.”

Adora rolled her eyes, and the anger in Catra’s chest flared. “Yeah, sure.”

“What did you just say to me?”

“You came up to me at the party! You came over to help me paint! You accepted going to coffee with me! You’re really gonna stand there and tell me you don’t want to talk to me.”

Catra was losing her shit. She closed the space between her and Adora, and snarled in her face, only a few inches away. Her voice was barely above a whisper. “Adora, you don’t get to read into any of my actions. You don’t have that right anymore. I’m telling you I don’t want to talk, so I do not want to talk. Think you can get that through you thick fucking skull?”

Adora’s face sunk. That almost pleased Catra. “I’m just – Catra… You talk to me like everything’s fine when clearly it isn’t. And then you ice me out when things don’t go your way. Is that what you want our relationship to be? Because if it is, you have to tell me. I’m sick – I can’t play your game anymore.”

It might have crossed Catra’s mind that her anger was irrational. Maybe she could just take a breath and walk away. Maybe she didn’t have to blow up. But if any of that did cross her mind, Catra didn’t notice, because the rage inside her chest was growing until it lit her whole body on fire. Her face twisted in anger. She got impossibly closer to Adora and stuck a finger in her chest. Her mouth was practically foaming.

“I am not,” she yelled into Adora’s face, “playing a fucking game! I never have been! This isn’t a fucking game to me!” 

She took a step forward without widening the gap between them, causing Adora to back up. 

“You wanna talk about playing games?! Let’s talk about the games you got to play with me! Telling me you were going to be there for me, and then you weren’t. That’s a game!” She took another step forward, backing Adora up further.

“You promised me that you would never leave me, and then you did! That’s a game!” Another step.

“You played with me the whole time we were together. Don’t you fucking accuse me of playing games, its too ironic, even for you.” Two more steps and Adora was backed up against Razz’s trailer, Catra still in her face. 

Adora breathed heavily, tear drops gathering the corner of her eyes. She was basically whimpering when she said, “Why do you seem so hellbent on making it difficult for us?”

“Why the fuck do you think?” Catra enunciated thoroughly. And then she turned on her heel and marched back to her trailer, red blurring her vision along with angry tears. White noise clouded her ears, almost to the point that she couldn’t hear Adora yelling behind her until she reached her doorstep.

“Catra please!” 

She didn’t know why, what unholy spirit possessed her, but she stopped and turned around slowly. A bubbling sarcastic laugh mixed with her tears and fell through her lips, “What could you possibly want now?”

Adora took a second to catch her breath. “Just say it.”

“What?”

“Just say you never want to see me again. Tell me you want me to leave alone for good. I’ll do it. I’ll leave you alone and I’ll avoid you and I won’t think twice when you ignore me. Just say that’s what you want, and I’ll make it happen.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Just tell me that. It’s all you gotta do. Just tell me to leave you alone for good and I will.”

“Don’t…”

“Just say it.”

“Adora, don’t…”

“Please, you just have to let me know.”

“I said –“

“Why won’t you just say it!”

“JESUS, ADORA, I SAID DON’T!” Catra screamed, tears fully streaming at this point. She was glaring at Adora like a predator about to pounce, even at a distance her eyes burning through Adora. She was panting, trying to catch her breath. Adora stood frozen. Catra could see the downright fear in her face. Fear at Catra herself, or fear of losing Catra forever, she couldn’t tell. 

For what felt like 2 days but was only 2 minutes, they both stood paralyzed, Adora not daring to breath and Catra panting furiously. 

And then, “FUCK!” Catra hurled into the afternoon sky. She abruptly turned around and a split second later her fist was splintering the trailer siding next to the door, a loud CRACK echoing. The pain didn’t register in her mind, though she knew she would be feeling it later, she could already see blood dripping around her knuckles. She immediately slipped into her trailer before Adora could react.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya okay they don't end up great here but this really gets the ball rolling in terms of reconciliation, so there's that.


	6. The Agony of a Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra remembers stolen moments and promises, and makes up her mind about how to deal with her situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, folks, we got a few flashbacks this chapter. There will be flashbacks in other chapters too, and they will be nonlinear, but I demarcated each with the dates in which they happened. 
> 
> So, here it is.
> 
> Oh, also, cw for underage drinking if you're American, but they are responsible (except Catra). They're all 18.

OCTOBER 11, SENIOR YEAR

Adora’s smile was threatening to take over her whole face. She was so happy. It was the weekend. It was senior year. And she was spending yet another night with her best friends forgetting all their cares in the world for the night. The only thing in the world that existed was what was happening in some rich kid’s house with no parental figures in sight. 

Her smile grew when she looked at her friends, who were sharing in these experiences with her. She studied them under the haze of the couple of shots she had earlier at her house to pregame. Glimmer and Bow were in the front of the car, talking and laughing with each other above the music. Catra was sitting next to her with control of the aux. She had taken a few more shots than her, but Adora wasn’t worried. Catra had much more experience then Adora when it came to drinking. And Glimmer was the designated driver. She was scrolling through her playlist, singing absentmindedly to the song already playing, her long curly brown hair falling over her shoulder. 

She was cute, Adora thought. 

“Adora!” Glimmer yelled, and by the tone of her voice not for the first time, from behind the wheel. 

She was torn from her ministrations. “Huh – what?”

“I don’t know where Daniel’s house is from here,” she said, glancing back in the rearview mirror. 

Adora looked through the windshield, and then over at Catra. She was already looking over at her, a grin playing at her lips and mischief glinting heavily in her two-colored eyes. She winked at Adora and then turned towards the front seat. “Hey, Sparkles, think it might be that large house with a shit ton of cars in front of it?”

Adora held a snort behind her hand and Bow let a snicker out. 

“Hey!” Glimmer exclaimed. “I’m just trying to make sure! Don’t want to show up a random house party.”

Bow was still smiling, “Not like much would change, we’ll probably know, like, negative one person at the party we’re going to anyway.”

“Adora knows Daniel,” Glimmer responded, gesturing back towards Adora.

Adora was looking at Catra. “We’ve had like 3 conversations. We went to camp together like 100 years ago. My parents are friends with his parents’ friends more than anything.”

“And yet, he invited you to a party! So, is this it?”

“Yes.”

Catra put her hand on Adora’s thigh as Glimmer pulled up to park a little way down the street. She tried to hide the blush creeping into her cheeks as Catra addressed the group, “Relax, y’all. It’s not like we haven’t been to some other high school’s stupid house party before. We don’t need to know other people…”

Catra trailed off, but everyone had turned their attention to stare at her. Glimmer blinked. 

“What?” Catra asked hesitantly. 

Bow pointed at her. “Were you – were you about to say…”

Catra narrowed her eyes and pointed back at Bow. “Don’t you dare finish that sentences. Any of you.” She alternated her glare from Bow, to Glimmer, and finally rested it on Adora, who couldn’t help but smile coyly at her. 

But it wasn’t Adora that Catra had to worry about. It was Glimmer, “She was about to say, ‘because we have each other!’”

“Awww, best friend squad!” 

And then Adora couldn’t help but throw her arms around Catra. She felt Bow somehow lean over the center counsel and envelope her from behind, and the added weight of Glimmer doing the same. Beneath her hug, Catra was squirming playfully.

“No! We are not doing this! No!”

The all hugged for a few moments, before Glimmer finally pulled back. “Alright, enough of all that sappy shit. Catra, you got the goods?”

Bow followed Glimmer’s lead and leaned back into the front seat, but Adora lingered behind a moment more, taking in Catra’s scent. She always smelled so good. 

Catra spoke as soon as Adora released her, “Yep, courtesy of Shadow’s liquor cabinet. Which is really just our pantry.”

“Then let’s do this, ladies,” Bow opened the door and led them up to the house. The front door was hanging wide open with high schoolers spilling out to cool down on the front lawn, which was perfectly manicured. As the walked inside, Adora felt her mouth drop just a little bit. She had a decent house, a two-story townhome in a good neighborhood. But this house was next level. The four of them walked into the massive, tiled foyer, a staircase to the right and chandelier hanging over head. Before them, the house opened up into a sunken in living room, the kitchen, and other rooms that weren’t visible from where they were standing. 

The house was packed, and much like they had predicted, Adora didn’t recognize anyone. She couldn’t even see Daniel through the throng of teenagers. The music, a thumping and unrecognizable beat, surrounded them. As did the unintelligible shouting of the strangers around them.

“Holy shit, Glimmer!” Bow yelled abruptly, grabbing onto Glimmer’s arm, startling Adora enough that she jumped back into Catra. Slyly, Catra steadied Adora with a tight grip around her waist, a smile perking one side of her mouth. Adora smiled back down at her for a moment, heat flooding through her. 

“Jeez, Bow. What?”

“Is that Oscar Reyes?” he was pointing to some unknown person in the crowd. Adora couldn’t stop hyper fixating on Catra’s fingers still resting on her waist. 

“Who? Oh, it is! I had such a crush on him elementary school. We should go talk to him!” Glimmer was pulling Bow along until they disappeared into the crowd. And just like that, Catra and Adora were alone in a room full of people. 

Adora felt the warmth of Catra’s hands leave her sides, and she sunk a little bit as the warmth left her body. But almost immediately, Catra had placed her hand in Adora’s and intertwined their fingers. The warmth came back. Happiness filled her. She couldn’t even remember to look around to see who might be looking at them, to see who might notice their general closeness or the fact that their hands were clasped tightly together. Catra was usually careful in keeping her touches subtle, and so Adora couldn’t find it into herself to care all that much. 

“Hey, Princess,” Catra said, a smirk on her lips. “We should go find some cups, huh? For drinks?”

Catra smiled at her once more, squeezed her hand, and then dropped it altogether. She started elbowing her way towards the kitchen, Adora falling closely behind. She wanted so badly wanted to take Catra’s hand back in hers and not drop it for the whole night. Friends did that, right? These strangers wouldn’t know any better, and even if they did, who would spread something about two best friends holding hands? Two kids that didn’t even go to their school? Was that a possibility?

Before Adora could make sense of anything, they had made it to the kitchen and Catra was pulling two red plastic cups off a stack and reaching awkwardly around into her backpack. Adora came up behind her. 

“Here, let me,” Adora said, unzipping the backpack and pulling out the three quarters full bottle of vodka. She held it out to Catra, who took it and threw her a thankful look, before pouring some into each of the cups and topping it off with Sprite. She handed Adora back the bottle of vodka, who dutifully put it back into the backpack, followed by the full cup.

“Cheers, ‘Dora,” Catra smiled and clinked their cups together, her eyes scanning across the kitchen. 

“Cheers,” Adora responded, lifting the cup to her mouth and taking a drink.

Soon the indistinguishable thumping of the bass turned into a recognizable beat Adora knew. In fact, the song had become something of a thing for her and Catra, as they would dance to it in Adora’s room after a soccer game or a track meet, getting out the excess energy they had after a thrilling win. Catra’s face split into a wide grin, and she peered at Adora devilishly.

“Should we dance?” she said, gesturing with her cup to living room, where sweaty teenaged bodies were bumping into each other in the guise of dancing. “I bet Sparkles and Arrow Boy have already beat us there.”

“Sure,” Adora said, and Catra took off. Adora, once again, followed closely behind. Soon, they were surrounded by a mass of bodies swaying to the beat of the music. Catra joined in. Adora noticed her dance moves were totally unique, not the thoughtless grinding the other people were doing. She had always been in tune with music, always let the melody lead her. She was entrancing. 

Adora could tell that Catra was trying to avoid eye contact. Adora felt a jolt of gratefulness, and then guilt overtook her. She was avoiding eye contact on behalf of Adora. Because Adora asked her to keep things quiet. Adora knew that. But she wanted nothing more than for Catra to stare at her while dancing like that, doing it for no one else but for her. But that could never happen. Adora had an image to maintain. 

Catra’s chuckle broke her from her revery. “You gonna dance, Adora? Or just stand there and watch.”

And Adora understood. Catra was keeping up her side of the bargain, avoiding eye contact and acting like she didn’t want to be dancing alone for Adora right now. But Adora wasn’t. She was standing in the middle of the dance floor, staring at Catra dancing. 

Adora cleared her throat and rubbed at the back of her neck, looking around the room at who might be watching. “Uh, ha, sorry. I’m not much of a dancer.”

Catra just rolled her eyes and kept on dancing, immediately catching onto the bullshit. So, Adora danced. She let the music take her over. The song shot electricity through her body. Even when the song changed, Adora didn’t notice. Just allowed her body to move without thinking about the room full of people around her. Catra was doing the same, her hands moving around her body to the pace of the music, her eyes shut tight in total concentration.

Adora felt a pull coming from Catra. Her head tilted back, her hips swaying with music. She was undeniable. So, at the first chance Adora got when some ridiculous Top 40 song came on, Adora swung her arm around Catra, like others were doing to their friends in the room, and jumped up and down while belting the lyrics into the ceiling. Catra looked up at her and laughed, singing right along. 

Adora held on for as long as was appropriate. And when she released, Catra went right back to moving her body to the beat. Adora followed along. But now, Catra wasn’t trying to avoid eye contact. She was looking, with those mesmerizing, mismatched eyes of hers, right into Adora’s. Adora couldn’t keep her own away. In the back of her mind, thoughts swirled about what others might think if they saw the two longingly gazing at each other. If they saw how they kept incrementally inching closer to each other. But Adora knew that everyone there was too drunk to pick up on any subtext, just saw two friends dancing together. At least that’s what she hoped, but she was too taken over by the moment to care otherwise. 

Adora couldn’t tell who was moving closer, but after a couple of songs, her and Catra were body to body, chests pressed together, synchronized in moving to the song playing. Catra’s face was inches from her own, staring at her neck, not meeting her eyes. Adora thought that she had never seen someone so beautiful in her life. 

Catra was wearing a loose, black, crop top tank top under a black leather jacket, ripped light blue jeans, and black boots. Her wild mane was frizzy under the sweat gathering from the dancing. Her eyes sparkled under the smeared eyeliner and mascara. The freckles across her cheek stood out in the blue and green lights adorning the room. She looked utterly blissful, and Adora couldn’t tear her eyes away.

Then she watched as Catra looked up at her under hooded eyelids and her mouth parted slightly, her tongue darting out to wet her bottom lip. 

Adora couldn’t take it anymore. She took in a sharp breath before grabbing onto Catra’s wrist and dragging her through the bodies populating the dancefloor, back through the foyer, and to the staircase. Adora wasn’t worried about what other people would think about the scene. Her look of determination, her tight grip on Catra’s wrist, the way she was stomping without care to her destination would make anyone looking on think that Adora was about to lay into Catra, in an angry way. The only thing giving it away was Catra’s giggles spouting every couple of seconds behind her. But in her tunnel vision, Adora didn’t register them. She hardly even registered the loud music anymore. Her sole purpose was to get Catra alone without the watchful eyes of anyone else. 

When they had got to the second floor, Adora didn’t release Catra’s wrist, but went on checking doors to see which ones were occupied. Catra followed along obediently, giggles still escaping. Finally, the last door on the left was open, and Adora basically flung Catra inside. Adora followed inside and closed the door behind her, locking it. 

The room was a bedroom. Based on the décor, probably Daniel’s. Catra was standing in the middle of the room, looking around her, before turning to Adora and narrowing her gaze at her. “Couldn’t even wait to get back to your place?”

Adora was more to the point. “Ten minutes, fifteen tops. I don’t want to push our luck.”

Catra’s smirk stayed on her face as she stepped towards Adora. Closer. Closer. Until Adora was backed up against the wall next to the door, Catra mere centimeters from her but their bodies not yet touching. Fire burned through Adora’s stomach, pooling at the lower end. She licked her lips.

Catra took one step closer, finally closing contact, and put her lips lightly on Adora’s ear. Adora could feel her smile. “Whatever you say, Princess,” she whispered seductively. 

A growl bubbled from Adora’s throat, one she had no control over, before she grabbed Catra by the waist and flipped them. Catra’s back was now pressed against the wall, Adora crowding into her. She started kissing along Catra’s jawline, then down into her neck. She whispered there, “Can I kiss you?”

Catra didn’t answer with words. Instead, she grabbed onto Adora’s chin and guided her face to meet her own, their lips connecting hungrily. Adora moaned into the kiss, and Catra kicked up the pace, her hand pulling Adora closer by the back of the neck and the other wrapped desperately around her back. One of Adora’s hands was braced against the wall next to Catra’s head, the other grabbing possessively at Catra’s waist. Her lips parted, and Adora eagerly licked in.

The make out session lasted longer than they meant in to, but neither really noticed. 

…

PRESENT

Catra lounged on her bed in a loose tank and basketball shorts, strumming distractedly at her guitar. Melog sat at the edge of the bed, licking at their paws, uninterested in Catra while she was lost in thought. She had been thinking about that moment back at some no name’s party back in high school when had Adora looked so hungry for her while they were dancing that Catra could feel her hopes go up that maybe, just maybe, they may be able stop hiding at some point. 

It was one stolen moment out of a multitude that Catra and Adora had shared during senior year. It was bittersweet, but Catra hated herself for thinking about it now. She had been so in love with Adora then. She was so angry at her now. But she couldn’t stop thinking of the way Adora, with her misty blue eyes, had looked at her that night, or really any other night for a good number of months that year.

“UGH!” she exclaimed, moving to put her guitar on the floor and scary Melog off the bed while doing it. She flopped down onto her back and covered her face with her hands. She didn’t know what happened. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know what Adora was thinking right now. She had no idea where to even start. Should she never speak to Adora again? Should she try to speak to her today? Did she even want to speak to Adora? Everything was so complicated. 

Her hand was throbbing. She had gone back into the house last night with a grotesquely bruised and bloody fist. After she had a good cry on the tile of her kitchen floor, she made her way into the bathroom and gingerly cleaned up her hand, wincing while she bandaged it up. There were some gnarly cuts, the knuckles were black and blue, and it hurt like a bitch, but Catra could move her fingers pretty well so she didn’t think anything was broken. Now she was beginning to second guess that as it pulsed against her eye. 

And there was probably still blood on the kitchen floor where she had cradled herself. There was most definitely still blood in the dent in the siding she had made. “Fuck…” she said to herself, before curling into the fetal position. She would get to that later. 

Later ended up being that afternoon, after she heard Adora’s pick up truck pull away. She talked herself into getting out of bed, hurried by Melog’s angry meows for lunch. She quickly filled up a bowl, and then got a cleaning bucket from under her kitchen sink, filling it with soap and water. The kitchen would be cleaned when she wasn’t under the threat of Adora coming home while she was still outside. Catra really didn’t want to see Adora. 

She got outside and took in the damage. Damn, she really did a number on the siding. The edges were completely splintered around the rather pronounced dent in the shape of her fist, about eyelevel and just to the right of the door. She had to use her left hand to clean the blood up because she still couldn’t work her right fist very well. It took longer, but by the time she was done no dried blood muddied up the white siding. Now she’d just have to figure out how to fix the hole.

Just as she was finishing up, she heard Adora’s truck pull back into the park and come to a stop in front of Razz’s trailer. Catra, not being able to help herself, glanced behind her and watched Adora get out of the car. She seemed to notice Catra briefly, but immediately averted her eyes and briskly walked into the trailer, shutting the door forcefully behind her. 

Catra sighed. That’s what she wanted, wasn’t it? For Adora to just leave her alone for a minute so she had time to figure shit out? Yes, she thought, that’s exactly what she wanted. But part of her wouldn’t let go of the stupid memories of Adora being there for her no matter what, practically bullying Catra into letting Adora take care of her.

…

FEBRAURY 11, SENIOR YEAR

Catra wasn’t answering her phone, and Adora was worried. She hadn’t shown up for school that day, and when she skipped, she always let Adora know. For the most part, she was trying to pressure Adora into skipping with her, and Adora hardly ever did, but she was glad that Catra was at least letting her know. She didn’t this time, and it made Adora’s stomach churn.

Something was wrong, she could feel it. 

She hopped in her car and started towards the trailer park, knowing that was the best place to start her search. Catra had been growing distant in the past couple of months, ever since Christmas break. She didn’t hang out as much with her, Bow, and Glimmer anymore, instead opting to spend more time with the hardcore kids scoring weed and other drugs. Adora didn’t lecture her, Catra was a big girl, but she was also becoming more and more reckless. So, no lecturing, but Adora did try to keep an eye on her as much as possible. 

She pulled to a stop in front of Razz’s trailer, opting against going to say hi so as not to be sucked into a conversation with the old woman, and walked around the back of Catra’s trailer. She made it to the window of Catra’s room and knocked on the glass. No answer. She knocked once more, already starting to think of other places Catra might be, when she saw a mass of curly brown hair poke up through the dirty window. 

Catra opened the window and turned away quickly, allowing Adora to hoist herself up and through, landing gracelessly onto Catra’s unmade bed. She looks over at Catra, who was hugging herself and standing with her back to Adora. “Where were you all day?”

Catra took a deep breath and turned around abruptly, a devilish smile on her face, telling Adora, “Shadow isn’t here.”

But Adora wasn’t listening, she was sitting up on the bed and staring at Catra with her mouth open in shock, taking in the bloodied figure standing before her. “What – Catra, what happened to you?”

Her nose looked a little crooked, dried blood running in streaks from her nostrils, wiped haphazardly away from her lips. Her bottom lip was busted and split open. Adora could see a black eye beginning to form under her blue eye, and next to that her cheek was red and puffy, the beginning of a bruise starting there too. Catra was clutching at her ribs. So, Adora thought, there was more damage under that maroon hoodie. 

Catra shrugged off the question, inching a little closer to Adora. “Oh, it was nothing. Just a little scrap.”

Adora stood up and went to Catra, placing her hands on her shoulders and studying her beat up face. Catra’s hands went to Adora’s waist. “Some scrap. You’re hurt.”

Catra rolled her eyes, and then she leaned in and lightly kissed Adora’s neck. “Listen Adora, Shadow’s gone. Are we gonna take advantage of this moment or are you just gonna stand there and say dumb things?”

The heat in Adora’s body was threatening to take over. Catra kept on kissing around her neck and up to her jaw, and Adora could feel a fog start to roll over her brain. But now was not the time. Adora snapped herself out of it. 

“Catra, you’re all bloody. How long have you been bleeding? Will you let me clean you up?” she said, using her hands to hold Catra back slightly. 

“God, you’re no fun. I’m fine, okay? It’s just a couple of cuts and bruises.”

Adora looked into Catra’s eyes, and she could see it, the haziness there. The way they were bloodshot. “Are you high right now?”

Catra shrugged, moving past Adora and sitting on the bed. “How else am I supposed to deal with the pain?”

“So, it does hurt?”

Catra halfheartedly kicked at Adora. “Shut up. Either kiss me or leave.”

Adora sat down on the bed next to Catra, putting a hand on her knee and resting her head against Catra’s shoulder. “Or we could go to the bathroom and I can clean you up so when I do kiss you, I don’t get your blood all over my face.”

“Fine,” Catra acquiesced, and followed as Adora took her hand and led her into the bathroom. She pushed her down so Catra was sitting on the covered toilet seat, then went about finding a clean enough washcloth. The bathroom, frankly, was a mess, much like the rest of Shadow’s trailer, which was strewn with empty and half full bottles of alcohol, ashtrays filled with stubbed out cigarettes, and miscellaneous items thrown about. 

Adora found one that was clean enough and wet it under the sink before kneeling in front of Catra, putting a hand to her jaw, and gently scrubbing off the blood around her nose. 

“So,” Adora said, focusing on her work. Catra was looking up into the light fixture above them.

“So…” she winced as she responded, sounding more tired than she had before. Adora eased up even more on the scrubbing.

“You know you can tell me what happened if you want to, right? No matter what. I’m not going to judge you,” Adora told her softly. Catra looked down and met Adora’s eyes. Adora offered her a small smile, then went about cleaning Catra’s lip and chin. 

“I know that, dummy. It’s not a big deal. Apparently, Shadow has amassed some debts and they used me to send a message. Two brutes jumped me this morning while I was walking to the bus stop.”

“You’ve been here by yourself since this morning? Why didn’t you call or text me?”

“Because you would have come.”

“Duh!”

“You had a Physics test sixth period.”

And Adora’s heart sunk, because Catra had been here alone and bleeding, getting high to numb the pain, and refusing to call Adora for help because of some Biology test that Adora had been stressing about for the last week. Once again, Catra had put Adora above herself for some stupid reason. She put a hand to Catra’s good cheek and caressed along her cheek bone with her thumb, a silent thank you that Adora shouldn’t have had to give. She should have been there for Catra.

“Promise to call me next time.” Adora told her, quietly but forcefully, searching Catra’s eyes. 

“Okay.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise.”

Adora smiled at Catra and helped her up, positioning her so that she was facing the grimy mirror. “I did the best I could.”

“I look hideous,” Catra said, examining herself in the mirror. She visibly cringed at the sight. Adora put her hand on the small of Catra’s back, hoping to comfort her a little bit. 

“I think you still look beautiful,” Adora responded, looking at Catra’s reflection.

She scoffed and turned towards Adora, pressing them chest to chest in the small bathroom. Catra smirked. “Only you.”

Then Catra slipped out of the bathroom and back into her bedroom, gently lying on the bed and letting out a sigh of relief as soon as she stopped moving. She was breathing pretty heavily. 

“Catra, maybe you should change clothes before you get your bed all bloody,” Adora said, taking in the darkened splotches on Catra’s sweatshirt and jeans. 

Catra sat up, pouting towards Adora, holding her arms out. “Help me.”

So, Adora did. She got Catra out of the clothes she was wearing, noticing the bruises lining Catra’s ribs but deciding it was better not to say anything about it, and got her into a fresh baggy shirt (which happened to be Adora’s) and some joggers. As soon as she was changed, she gingerly got back into her bed and covered herself up with blankets, staring up at Adora. 

Adora smiled down at her fondly. Catra, despite the bruises, looked so young all bundled up like that, a pout still present on her face. Finally, she pushed the blankets off her arms and held them out to Adora once again. Adora didn’t hesitate, she got down into the bed next to Catra and pulled her onto her chest, her arms wrapped around the girl’s body as tight as she could without hurting Catra’s ribs. Catra released a deep breath into Adora’s sternum and Adora pulled the blankets back over them. 

“Adora?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t leave.” 

“Never.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

…

PRESENT

Just like the stolen moments, that promise too had been one of many Adora and Catra shared. Some of them kept and most of them broken. It’s been a week since Catra and Adora last spoke to each other. Catra didn’t hear Adora working in the yard anymore, she must be doing it while Catra is at work. Catra didn’t read outside anymore, instead staying in her bed well past noon when she’s home and strumming away at her guitar. 

Melog kept her company well enough, but even they were getting irritated at Catra’s sulkiness. But she can’t help it, thoughts of Adora flooded her mind day and night. When she wasn’t remembering moments they shared, she was dreaming of her. It was fucking exhausting. 

Most of the memories and dreams were good ones, although tinged with the inevitability of how it would end, with them tearing each other apart and going their separate ways. They were both so stupid and naïve, and definitely not in the right headspace to be trying to have a relationship in secret. How had Catra missed it at the time? How had she convinced herself that it wasn’t going to end in a blaze of fire. From the moment they first kissed, it was destined that they were going to consume each other completely. Adora’s fear of what others thought and Catra’s questionable coping mechanisms made sure of that. 

But now Adora, still with the same hero complex and pushy attitude, seemed to care a little bit less of how people viewed her. If she did still care, she sure as hell wouldn’t be living in a trailer park with her grandmother making pennies at a nonprofit job. And Catra has learned more positive ways of coping, like exercising or painting or drawing or playing her guitar when she was stressed. Maybe they would be alright if they could figure out how to exist near each other again.

Catra put a stop to that train of thought. She knew that in order to be able to even be in the same room and not chance being at each other’s throats, they would have to hash out their past. Catra laid in her bed, cradling her still aching hand to her chest. She wasn’t sure she was ready to delve into all that yet, and Adora had stopped pushing altogether. If anything was going change, Catra knew it was on her. 

But she couldn’t bring herself to try to talk to Adora. Instead, she went about her days, going to work and doing whatever she did while she was at home, all while trying to avoid Adora at all costs. Adora seemed to be doing the same. 

Sometimes she wished Adora would come knock on her door, sit her down, force her to talk. She was always the one that wanted to work through things and plan. Look for a solution. But, by the looks of it, Catra might have scared her away for good. 

She didn’t have the guts to initiate anything, not just yet, and so she kept on getting lost in memories of what her and Adora once were to each other, the good and the bad. 

Another week later and Catra was at work, smoking behind the diner and staring out at the desolate parking lot and trees beyond, remembering just exactly why it their relationship was doomed to fail at 18. 

…

APRIL 14, SENIOR YEAR

Adora and Catra sat lounging in Adora’s bed, facing each other. Adora’s legs were sprawled apart and Catra sat in between them, her own legs wrapped around Adora’s midsection. Catra had her phone out between them, and they were watching cute cat videos. Their faces were close enough that whenever she wanted to, Adora could lean over ever so slightly and kiss Catra on the cheek. At first, Catra would giggle, but she had done it enough times that the only response Adora got was a small smile while she kept scrolling. 

“I thought you were going to hang out with Flynn today?” Adora asked tentatively. Catra didn’t look up from her screen. 

“Eh, his dealer’s out of town, couldn’t get anything.”

“So, I’m your second choice now?” Adora asked, trying to sound playful. She didn’t know if it worked, she wasn’t feeling that playful when she asked. 

Catra, still not looking up, jabbed Adora in the shoulder. “Shut up, Princess. Never.”

She switched to Instagram as Adora planted another kiss on her cheek, and the first picture to pop up was that of another stupid promposal. They had started to show up more frequently on social media the closer they got to May.

Catra said absentmindedly, “Prom’s coming up.”

She was studying the picture on her phone, so Adora followed her gaze. It was posted by Netossa, an acquaintance Adora and Catra shared through different classes. She was holding a sign up that read ‘Prom?’ and on her back was another girl Adora recognized, Spinerella. The caption read, ‘she said yes!’ They looked happy.

Adora looked back up to the girl sitting next to her, tracing circles on Catra’s thigh with her index finger. “Are you going to go?”

Catra looked at her like she had two heads. “To Prom? Hell no. Besides, who would I even go with?”

That was a valid question. Though she probably had no right, hiding Catra away like this, she knew she would spontaneously combust if she saw Catra hanging on to anyone else’s arm while all fancied up, dancing closely with someone that wasn’t her. Jealousy flared in her chest just thinking about it.

“We could go with Bow and Glimmer,” Adora offered.

Catra pursed her lips, her eyes squinting. “I don’t want to go with Bow and Glimmer.”

Adora didn’t have to read to far into it to know what Catra meant. ‘I want to go with you.’ But that wasn’t possible. What Catra and Adora had was a secret, and it had to stay that way. It didn’t matter that there were other same sex couples going. They probably didn’t have the pressure Adora had on her. They most definitely had a lot more guts than Adora did. 

Suddenly Adora had an idea. She perked up and pecked Catra quickly on the lips, before saying, “We could have our own prom. I could hang up more fairy lights, put together a playlist.”

“Adora…”

“You could wear that suit you tried on at the thrift store, the one that you looked really good in,” Adora said in a sultry voice, wiggling her eyebrows. Catra rolled her eyes. “I could wear a dress, put on some makeup. A night just for us.”

Catra looked at her, about to say something, before she closed her mouth and kissed Adora. “Whatever, dummy. We can have our own prom.”

Adora rested her forehead against Catra’s, smiling broadly. She was already running through plans in her mind, deciding the best way to set up the room to replicate a Prom and how she would ask Catra to go. 

Mara, yelling from downstairs, pulled her from her thoughts. “Adora, Bow and Glimmer are here!”

Adora immediately disentangled herself from Catra’s legs and went to sit at her desk chair, spinning distractedly while waiting for her other friends.

Catra sighed and flopped down onto her back. “Adora, it’s not like we need to hide anything from them. I’m pretty sure they know what’s going on.”

“Did you tell them?!” Adora asked in a panic.

Catra didn’t even look at her. “No, of course not. But they act like they know, and we’re not always that subtle around them.”

Adora settled back down and shrugged, “Well, if you didn’t tell them directly then they don’t know anything, really. Plausible deniability.”

Catra sighed again but was jolted into an upright position as soon as Bow and Glimmer burst through the door.

“Who’s ready to party!” Bow yelled as soon as he entered the room. 

Glimmer put a pacifying hand on Bow’s back. “Relax, Bow, we’re just here to kick ass at Catan.”

Catra cackled halfheartedly. “In your dreams, Sparkles.”

And so they went to work setting up the board on the floor of Adora’s room. Adora noticed Catra was not entirely invested in the game, making uncharacteristic mistakes. The lack of concentration on Catra’s part meant that Adora was able to win the first game handily. The friends bantered, and Catra would join in, but never seemingly into it like she usually was when heckling Bow and Glimmer. They played again, and Catra won. Adora couldn’t help but notice that Catra looked like she would rather be anywhere but in that room. 

…

PRESENT

Catra blew out the last of the smoke and stomped out her cigarette, her eyes clamped shut. She breathed in deeply, taking in some of the humid air. Somewhere in the distance, a car alarm sounded. Five years, she kept telling herself. It had been five years. She had almost completely stopped thinking about Adora. Sure, memories would pop up every once and awhile, but the more time that passed the easier they were to stamp down. Now, she was flooded with memories of her, and nothing was putting a stop to them.

A familiar craving rushed over Catra. Jesus, this was no good. There was so much wrong with their past relationship. And stupid Adora had to show up and remind her all over again. She was staying, living, right across the street from Catra, a constant reminder of everything that went wrong. There was no chance with that type of proximity that Catra was going to be able to push anything down. 

There were only two options here. Catra could go back to getting fucked up in order to forget anything, or she could actually talk to Adora, hash out their past, so they could both just move on with their lives, whether it was together or apart. Those were the only options that would get Catra to stop agonizing over Adora all day. Catra sighed, about to light up another cigarette, when someone burst out the back door.

It was Scorpia, “Hey, Wildcat! Sorry to interrupt, but your break ended, like, five minutes ago and the lunch rush is starting. I don’t want to rush you or anything. God, no! Take your time. But, um, just wanted to let you know.”

Catra had caught Scorpia up on the situation, and Catra guessed she was trying to be gentle with what she saw as a broken and flailing girl. Catra tucked the unlit cigarette back into the pack and put it into the pocket of her apron.

“I’m coming, Scorp.”

“Okay!” And just like that, Scorpia disappeared back through the door. Catra followed. 

It was time to give Adora what she wanted. It was time to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a sucker for a flashback. Next chapter we'll get to see how Adora's feeling about their most recent falling out and separation. Then, The Talk. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	7. The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora feels like death. Catra makes a surprise appearance. The girls sit down for a much needed conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, from my fingers to your eyeballs, I present to you... The Talk. 
> 
> (FYI, they don't solve all there issues here. That would be impossible! But they take a good crack at it, and one conversation leads to another.)

Everything was wrong. Everything was so, so wrong. Adora couldn’t pinpoint when that all started. Was it over five years ago, when she and Catra had started their fiery descent? Was it towards the end of senior year when their relationship finally crashed and burned? Was it just a little over a month ago, when she had seen Catra once again and reverted to her past self, unknowingly pushing Catra away? She knew she could have done something different, at least recently, to ease in better with a clearly still sensitive Catra. Yet she had pushed and pushed, and now everything was wrong. 

She laid out on her bed with her pillow over her head to block out any light. Her head ached; her body ached. She didn’t know why. She hadn’t touched alcohol in the past two weeks and two days since Catra blew up at her. She hadn’t even worked out. Hell, she hardly even got out of bed. 

Razz had been hassling her to get active, to do something, but she didn’t. Not even Razz could shake her from this funk. She had pushed Catra too hard, and Catra bit back, hard. The memory of that night echoed in Adora’s head, basically playing on her eyelids so she couldn’t escape it. The fury in Catra’s voice rung in her ears. 

She hadn’t explicitly told Adora to leave her alone like Adora had asked, but she didn’t need so many words. No, the crack of her fist against the trailer, the splintering of the siding, that was enough. That had certainly sent a message. So, why didn’t she just say it? Tell Adora to leave her alone once and for all? That certainly would have allowed Adora to stop waiting for Catra to approach her with bated breath every single time she saw Catra.

Which, admittedly, had not been that much over the past couple of weeks. Adora did whatever she could to avoid being within Catra’s line of sight. She couldn’t bare the thought of Catra being right there and not being able to talk to her. Couldn’t bare the simmering heat she knew would be glinting in Catra’s eyes when she looked at Adora. 

Adora groaned into the pillow. Fuck, how had things gone so wrong?

“Okay, that’s enough,” Adora heard a faint voice, and then suddenly the pillow was being pulled from her face and light flooded in, blinding her. She whined while her eyes adjusted, and then made out a frustrated Glimmer standing above her, pillow clutched in a hand at her side.

“What the hell, Glimmer?” Adora complained, flipping onto her stomach, and hiding her face in the sheets. Suddenly, she remembered that she wasn’t in her room in the trailer, sulking in her own bed. No, she was in Glimmer’s room in her apartment, sulking in her bed. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Glimmer questioned, standing stalwart. 

Bow piped up from the corner of the room, doing something on his laptop on the desk, “Language.”

“Shut up, Bow!” was her response. Bow raised his hands innocently before going back to typing away furiously. “Answer the question, Adora.”

Adora sat up with an exasperated huff, turning to face Glimmer. She felt tired and out of place. She wanted to go home, but she had been pouting for a week now and Glimmer had gotten sick of it, convincing her to get out of the trailer and hang out with friends, telling her it would make her feel better. She didn’t feel any better. 

Adora laid back down on her back but didn’t cover her face. She stared at the ceiling while Glimmer stared at her expectantly. 

“I talked to her.”

“Who?”

“Fucking who? What do you mean? I talked to fucking Catra, that’s who, and everything is ruined!” she flopped back down onto the bed, unwilling to hold herself up any longer.

Out of her peripheral vision she could see Glimmer accost Bow, “Not gonna say anything to her?”

Bow must have just shrugged, or gave some other nonverbal response, because Glimmer turned back to Adora. “Alright… So, did it go well?” She felt the bed dip under the weight of Glimmer sitting down next to her, sincerity dripping her voice. 

Adora had to hold back a scoff. “Does it look like it went well?”

“We can talk about this or you can be snarky,” Glimmer warned.

“Okay,” Adora responded.

“Adora!”

Adora sat up again and looked Glimmer in the eye, wondering to herself whether it was worth going through the whole story or not. Based on Catra’s past reactions, she knew she shouldn’t give up Catra’s whereabouts or anything personal. But it might be good to talk how utterly useless she was when it came to dealing with Catra anymore. She honestly could use any help she could get, and Glimmer and Bow seemed like the best option at this point. 

“Fine. Okay, so, remember back when I invited y’all over and I had told you that I had seen Catra around?” Adora asked.

“Yes,” Glimmer responded, and Bow nodded his head without looking up from his computer.

“Well, I actually talked to her. A couple of times. And the last time I talked to her I ruined fucking everything and she’s never gonna talk to me ever again and I’m living here now so I’m gonna see her and I’m gonna be constantly reminded of how messed up I made everything and have to live with hatred she harbors for me for the rest of my goddamned life!” She heaved, trying to catch up with her breathing. Bow looked up from his computer, and Glimmer glanced at her worriedly. 

“Woah, buddy. It’s okay. We’re here for you,” Bow said, his voice soft. He was looking at Adora, but he was still typing on his computer. 

“Yeah, let’s back up a little bit. You talked a couple of times?” Glimmer put her hand on Adora’s knee, trying to keep her calm. But Adora was already close to hyperventilating. 

But she needed to get this off her chest. She needed to stop feeling the full weight of Catra’s hatred sitting on her chest. And so, she took a deep breath, and she unloaded the past month’s worth of interactions with Catra, careful to keep out the parts that might implicate Catra’s private life. She started with first seeing her (not mentioning it was in the trailer park), and moved to bringing her dinner (still not mentioning the trailer park), to having her over for dinner, to going to coffee with Catra, and finally to the fatal afternoon after in which Adora pushed Catra too far. 

Glimmer looked at her with increasingly wide eyes while Adora explained. When Adora was done, she exhaled shakily. “Holy shit, Adora. Thanks for keeping us updated.”

“Glimmer!” Bow exclaimed from the background. He gestured to Adora, who’s shoulders were now hunched like she was trying to close in on herself. “We’re here to be supportive.”

Glimmer flicked him off. “I’m am being supportive. It’s just… kind of a lot has happened?”

Adora let her head fall into her hands and groaned. Glimmer watched Adora’s reaction and quickly moved to pull her hands from her face, and then placing her own on Adora’s shoulders. 

“Hey, it’s okay. We can figure this out. We’ll help you figure this out,” Glimmer reassured, but Adora wasn’t convinced, squeezing her eyes shut as much as possible to see if she could possibly drown out the rest of the world. It didn’t work.

“I ruined everything,” she whispered to no one in particular, her voice higher than normal.

“We’ll figure this out,” Glimmer reminded her, before pulling her hands back and scratching at her chin. “Okay, I’m just gonna spitball a little bit here, just to make sure I have everything right, so correct me if I’m wrong, okay?” She waited for a minute, presumably for Adora’s response. When she didn’t get one, she continued. “So, you started up this new, tentative… um, acquaintanceship with Catra. And she tells you to leave her alone. Then she returns some Tupperware from a dinner Razz made her and you took that as an olive branch. She comes to help you paint, because you’re out there all by yourself painting a whole trailer. You take her to coffee, because presumably you want to talk. And she says she doesn’t want to talk. Like she said before. And then you ask her again, and again, until she snaps?”

Adora glared at Glimmer, “I didn’t – I don’t think I pushed her that hard. Jesus, whose side are you on?”

Glimmer stood up and started pacing across her carpet. “I’m not taking sides; I’m trying to help you as an objective third party. So, did you push her or not?”

“I don’t know…”

“Adora?”

“Kind of.”

Glimmer sighed, still pacing but looking at Adora now. “’Kind of’ isn’t a great answer considering she punched a hole through the wall after talking to you.”

“Glimmer,” Adora whined, rubbing at her eyes. “What do I do?”

Glimmer must have seen the anguish in Adora’s body language because she stopped pacing and walked back towards the bed, taking one of Adora’s hands in her own. “Do you want my honest advice, Adora?”

Adora nodded hesitantly, not looking Glimmer in the eye.

“Okay. What I think is that you want resolution. In fact, I think you’re desperate for resolution. And that can only come from Catra. Is that right?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, well, you lightly charred that bridge. She’s obviously not willing to talk to you, at this point, because you pushed her to far.”

“Well…” Adora tried, but Glimmer cut her off with a flick of her hand.

“You pushed her, and now you both are avoiding each other. And she’s pissed, Adora. So, in my opinion, you have nothing left to do except wait until she comes to you. No more pushing. No more assumptions. The ball is in her court. And so, you have to wait for her,” Glimmer told her, giving her a small smile. “And if she comes around, you listen. You hear what she has to say. And you deal with it. Of course, you can have your own input, you can have your own feelings. But Adora, it’s obvious that she’s been stewing on her own for a while. So, I think, honestly, that you just have to wait for her. Like she waited for you during high school.”

“You guys knew?” Adora asked meekly, her head drooping. 

“Of course, we knew, we saw how you two looked at each other. There’s a bond between you two, Adora, one that is growing and shifting. But by pushing Catra past her boundaries, its only gonna sever that bond, not strengthen it. Let it grow, organically. Let Catra come to you this time. And she might not, not anymore, but I think that might be a chance you have to take.”

“And what do I do if she does talk to me again?”

Glimmer patted Adora on her shoulder, “Then you ask her questions, figure shit out. But if she sets boundaries, you respect them, until she’s ready to move past them. And then you ask more questions and respect the boundaries she sets again. And so on and so forth. And honestly, it might take a long time. But one thing that you can’t do, if you want any type of relationship with Catra, is push it any farther than you have. You get what I’m saying?”

“I don’t like it,” Adora pouted. Though she couldn’t help but concede to herself that Glimmer, for once, was making a lot of sense, no matter how much it irked her. In response, Glimmer enveloped her in a hug.

“I know you don’t,” Glimmer whispered into Adora’s hair. 

“Done!” Bow exclaimed, forcefully shutting his laptop, jolting both of them from their embrace to look over at the over-ecstatic man grinning from ear to ear at them. “Finished! Can we go to Scorpia’s now?”

“We’re still doing that?” Adora asked, honestly not knowing the answer. She still didn’t really remember the reason she was at Glimmer’s house in the first place. 

Glimmer gave her a look. “Yes, Adora. We’re still doing that. It’s Perfuma’s birthday, we can’t just skip it.”

Shit, Perfuma’s birthday. That’s right. Adora turned to look at Bow, who was pushing himself out from the desk and stretching. “What were you even doing this whole time?”

“Coding. I had a deadline for work?”

“Coding what?” Adora questioned. 

“Do you really want me to get into it?”

Glimmer responded for Adora, “No, we have places to be. Let’s go.”

And so, even though she still wasn’t feeling very great because there was a high probability that Catra would never speak to her again, she followed Bow and Glimmer out of their apartment and into Bow’s car. Maybe a night surrounded by people would be good for her, Adora thought. Take her mind of things, if only a little.

…

Since Catra made up her mind to talk to Adora, she wanted to do it as quickly as possible, before she could lose her nerve. She could already feel the resolve in her mind slowly leaking out with every passing minute. But, for the past two day, Adora had seemingly made herself even more scarce than she was before. Her pickup was hardly out front. When it was, Adora never ventured outside. 

Catra knew she could just go over and knock on the door, but then she’d have to deal with Razz. She already had to psych herself up to even talk to Adora, she didn’t know if she could muster any more to make her way over there and knock on the door. She had started to read outside again as a sort of bait, but Adora didn’t take it.

But Catra knew she needed to do something. She was getting restless, antsy. Adora was gone, again, and Catra was sitting in her living room holding a book but focusing on the window facing Razz’s trailer, watching for Adora’s pickup so she could run out and intercept her before she got to the trailer. But it was getting a little late. She must have been out. And if she was out, then she wouldn’t be home for a while. Which meant Catra would be waiting for a while. Catra had never been a patient person once she set her mind to something, and this time was no different. 

She had an idea of where Adora was. Scorpia had told her at work yesterday that she was hosting a small gathering at her apartment to celebrate Perfuma’s birthday and had invited her, while probably knowing that Catra would make up some excuse that had nothing to do with the fact that Adora would most likely be there as to why she couldn’t go.

Melog jumped onto the couch and into Catra’s lap, nuzzling at her stomach. She pet the cat while pulling her phone out of the pocket of sweatshirt, scrolling through the contacts until she landed on Scorpia’s name. “This is probably a bad idea, right buddy?” Catra asked Melog. They meowed in response. Catra sighed. 

She hit call. She barely got the phone to her ear before she could hear Scorpia on the other end of the line. “Wildcat? Is something wrong? Do you need me to come to you?”

“What? No. Why is that the first thing you think?” Catra questioned, confused. She could hear the muffled sounds of various voices in the background.

“Well you never call me. You hardly even text me,” Scorpia pointed out. She made a fair point. Catra brushed it off.

“Nevermind. Is Perfuma’s birthday still going on?”

The question seemed to trip Scorpia up, because the other end was silent for a few moments, before, “Um, yeah, why?”

“Am I still invited?” she asked. Melog was purring now, easing the nerves tingling throughout Catra’s body a little bit. Catra stroked their back in gratitude.

“Of cource, Wildcat. But, um,” Scorpia lowered her voice to a whisper, “Adora’s here.”

“Okay. So, I can come?”

“Yes! I’m sure Perfuma would love to have you here.”

“Cool. I’ll see you in fifteen,” Catra told her before hanging up the phone and going towards the door for her boots. 

…

“Adora, I know you’re sad, but you gotta stop thinking so hard for a little bit,” Glimmer said, sitting on the couch next to Adora. Adora, for her part, was sitting hunched on the couch, cradling the bottle of beer in her hand, her face fallen. 

“I’m fine,” Adora tried to argue, but she didn’t even bother trying to sound like it.

Glimmer gave her a look. “You look miserable.”

“Thanks,” Adora muttered sarcastically, taking a swig of beer. 

Glimmer shifted her body, so she was facing Adora completely, eyes focused on her. She placed a hand on Adora’s shoulder. “Adora, look at me.” Adora sighed and looked up at her. “It only feels like the end of the world. I swear to you it’s not.”

“I feel like I’m dying,” Adora told her, eyes starting to sting.

Glimmer gave her a small smile, patting her shoulder a bit. “No offense, but you’re being kind of melodramatic.”

As a response, Adora just let her head fall onto the back of the couch and groaned. She vaguely registered the sound of the doorbell ringing and Scorpia scrambling up from the opposite side of the room to attend to it. Glimmer kept her hand on Adora’s shoulder why sipping at her glass of white wine. 

Only when Scorpia bursts back into the room and announced, “Look what the cat dragged in!” did Adora raise her head and meet gazes with none other than Catra, tentatively standing half behind Scorpia and looking shyly at Adora despite her drooping head. She had a bouquet of flowers in her hand, and part of Adora thought maybe they were for her, as a way of mending a broken bridge.

But then Catra gave a tight-lipped smile to the large woman next to her, saying, “Good one, Scorp.” She slipped past Scorpia and made her way towards Perfuma, who was getting up from her sitting position to meet Catra halfway.

“Catra, I’m so glad you could make it!” the birthday girl said, enveloping Catra in a soft side hug. Once they separated, Catra held out the flowers to Perfuma, who took them graciously and cooed at the colorful arrangement. “Oh, I love it.”

“Happy birthday,” Catra said quietly.

Perfuma immediately took off towards the kitchen to get water for the flowers. Bow, who had previously been engaged with Perfuma in conversation, now sat staring up at Catra with wide eyes. A shocked expression that could mirror Adora’s own. 

Catra regarded him with a slight wince on her face. “Uh, hey Bow. It’s good to see you.”

Bow sat stock still. “Catra. It’s… Hi.”

She smiled tightly at Bow before scanning the room. The other people at the gathering had already gone back to their own conversations, so only Adora noticed when Catra smiled at Glimmer from across the room and offered a little wave. She walked over slowly. “How’s it going, Sparkles?”

Glimmer stood abruptly, almost as if going in for a hug, but stopping herself short. “Hi, Catra, how are you?”

“Um, good, great.”

“Cool,” Catra nodded. She glanced down quickly at Adora. “Adora,” she said by way of greeting, before walking back across the room and propping herself up by the fireplace next to Perfuma, who had made her way back from the kitchen, and Scorpia.

Glimmer settled back down next to Adora, leaning in close and whispering her ear. “Close your mouth, stop gaping, and for fuck’s sake, Adora, quit staring at her.”

Despite Glimmer’s warning, Adora couldn’t tear her eyes away from Catra, who was intently listening to an animated Scorpia. She said in a whisper, more to herself than anyone else, “What the hell is she doing here?”

“Adora,” Glimmer said, “don’t spiral.”

Adora, eyes wide and unblinking, turned to look at Glimmer. “She had to know I’d be here right. And she’s staying. She didn’t leave when she saw me. Glimmer, she said hi to you and Bow.”

Glimmer didn’t look at her. “Jesus, Adora, ever hear of a poker face. Stop overthinking everything. She’s being friendly, that’s all. She has that right. Snap the fuck out of it.”

“Is she doing it to taunt me?”

“Adora. I’m serious. Take it down a notch. Not everything Catra does is about you.”

Adora finally broke her gaze away from Glimmer and groaned, rubbing at the back of her neck. “You’re right. Jesus, you’re right.” She took a pull from her cup. And then another. And then, for good measure, one more.

Glimmer put a hand on Adora’s wrist when she went to take another gulp, pushing it back down into Adora’s lap. “That’s not gonna help either.” 

“What do I do?”

“Nothing. It’s a birthday party for Perfuma, not a chance for you to figure anything out with Catra. So, act like it.”

Adora nodded morosely. This was for Perfuma, she repeated to herself time and time again in her head, Glimmer chatting idly beside her. She was there for a birthday party. She was there to hang out with friends and have a good time and drink and eat cake. She could do that. She knew how to have fun. But it was like every time she attempted to remind herself why she was really there, thoughts of Catra loomed overhead and threatened to make her go completely off the rails. She knew she shouldn’t make everything about her and Catra, but she couldn’t help herself. Catra was sitting in the same fucking room, avoiding eye contact with Adora while simultaneously distracting her with her presence. 

Adora swallowed thickly. “I think I’m gonna go get some water. Do you want water?”

Glimmer looked at her worriedly but shook her head no, and Adora pushed herself off the couch to rush to the kitchen, desperate to just get out. Her senses were flooded with Catra. She could smell Catra’s cologne, hear her tight little chuckles at whatever story Scorpia and Perfuma were telling her, watch her run her skinny fingers through her short hair. Every time she took a sip of her drink, a whiskey and Coke, she was reminded of the time when it seemed like that was all Catra drank. She had to get out, take a breather from the overstimulation, if only to allow herself to think more clearly. She certainly wasn’t going to get Catra off her mind in that environment. 

She was so lost in her frantic escape attempt that she missed Catra’s eyes snapping towards her and watching her exit out of the room with intense eyes. 

Turns out, she wouldn’t be able to escape from Catra in the kitchen either, because as she was filling up a cup in the sink Catra slipped into the room and propped herself against the opposite counter. Adora turned around and startled herself into nearly dropping the cup of water when she noticed the other girl. 

“Oh, um, hey… hi, Catra,” she stared at Catra for a moment, eyes wide, before averting her gaze and taking a nervous sip.

“Hey Adora,” she said. Her expression was unreadable, though she seemed a lot less nervous than she was making Adora.

“What – I mean… How’s – how’s it going?”

“Do you still want to talk?” For the second time, Adora almost dropped her cup. She studied Catra, who was staring back at her, arms crossed, lips pursed, looking like she couldn’t give a shit in the world. Adora stood silently, and Catra raised her eyebrows, prompting a response. 

Adora cleared her throat. “Yes. Yes, of course. Yes.”

Catra nodded. “Okay, then let’s talk.”

Adora took another drink and looked around the room. “Um… right – right now?”

Catra pushed herself away from the counter and took a couple of steps toward Adora, regarding her with furrowed brows. “No, dummy, I’d rather not rehash my personal trauma at my friend’s girlfriend’s birthday party.”

“No, right, of course. Um…”

Catra rolled her eyes. “I work tomorrow morning. You around in the afternoon?”

Adora let out a nervous little chuckle. “That’s funny, heh. I actually work in the afternoon, so…”

“So, are you free tomorrow night?”

Adora nodded aggressively, knowing that she looked far to eager for her own good. “Free as a bird.”

Catra gave her a tight-lipped smile, grabbed a chip out of a bowl on the island, and popped it in her mouth. “Cool.”

Then, she was gone. Adora stood paralyzed as she listened to Catra say bye to Scorpia, wish Perfuma a happy birthday, and exit the apartment. Still, she still didn’t move. For the life of her, she couldn’t wrap her mind around what just happened. 

…

Catra was nervous. And kind of dreading every decision she ever made, especially the one where she told Adora she wanted to talk the very next day. She did not give herself adequate time to prepare, and she was definitely regretting it. 

She had watched Adora’s pick up pull in about two hours ago, indicating she was home for work, meaning the talk was happening soon. As soon as Catra got the nerve to get it fucking over with. She was half surprised that Adora herself hadn’t made her way over to Catra’s trailer yet. Adora must be finally taking her lead for once, letting her decide when and how this would all go down.

She sighed and dumped some food into Melog’s bowl. The cat happily pounced down from their perch and made their way towards the bowl before chowing down. Catra was running out of ‘chores’ to procrastinate. 

She couldn’t avoid this forever. Well, she could, but that seemed like an especially cruel thing to do after basically cornering Adora at Perfuma’s party and telling her she wanted to talk too. She made her bed, time to go lie in it. So, she pulled out two cans of sugar free Red Bull out of her fridge, slipped her pack of cigarettes into her back pocket, and headed out front. Once outside, she set the cigarettes and the drinks down on her little wooden table and made her way to the back of the trailer, where another white plastic identical to the one in the front sat abandoned. She grabbed it and carried it to the front, positioning it on the other side of the table, angled towards Razz’s trailer. 

And she sat down to wait, pulling out her phone and distractedly scrolling through Instagram. It took all but two minutes for Adora to apparently get the message. She came out of Razz’s trailer, hand already on the back of her neck, like a scared little animal knowingly about to walk into a trap. 

Catra felt a little guilty from the jolt of pleasure that gave her. Adora made her way timidly over to Catra, hesitating before finally lowering herself on the chair across the table. She wasn’t looking at Catra.

“Red Bull?” she offered. 

Adora looked down at the can nearest to her and snorted. “Sugar free? You used to chug these things like water.”

“Well, your bound to form some sort of crutch when you get like two nights worth of sleep for a whole week.”

Adora chuckled again taking the can and popping the top open. Catra followed suit, and they sat there sipping in silence for a solid couple of minutes. Catra busied herself by taking in her surroundings. The stars were out in the black night sky, the only lights were the porch lights off the trailers at this point. Bugs hummed around them in the humid air, the sound of crickets in the distance the only real source of sound. 

Adora spoke first, “So…”

“So…”

“So, we should talk.”

“Yeah, dummy, that’s kinda why we’re here,” there was more bite in her voice than she meant there to be, and she could tell when she glanced over at Adora that she had heard it too, if the screwed up expression on her face was anything to go by. She cast Adora an apologetic look. 

“Sorry. Um, I guess I just don’t even know where to start,” Adora told her. 

Catra nodded solemnly. “Me neither.”

Adora shifted in her chair nervously, hand worrying at the back of her neck so vigorously that Catra was worried she was going to give herself a rash. “We could start with what’s been happening with us for the past five years?”

Catra did not expect that. “That’s what you want to talk about?”

“I mean,” Adora swallowed, “I guess. It’ll, maybe, ease us into… other conversations. You know, um, kind of like a warmup or something.”

Catra stared at Adora for a moment, who still refused to meet her eyes. “You’re a dork, you know that?” Adora shrugged. “Okay. Well, you want me to go first?”

Adora nodded, letting out a breath she must have been holding for a while. Catra, for her part, was finding it hard to breath. The last five years had not necessarily been pretty, but she told Adora she’d do this, and, well, it would be easier than talking about anything that happened between them in high school. Procrastination seemed to be the only thing giving her motivation and spurring her on. 

“Okay.” Before she started, Catra dug a cigarette and her lighter out of the pack next to her, balancing it between her lips and lighting up. She blew the smoke away from Adora’s face, which she noticed had one eyebrow raised curiously, her mouth downturned. “Jesus, Adora, don’t look at me like that. Not even gonna allow a girl to have one vice?”

“It’s – it’s fine, really. I’m not judging.”

Catra rolled her eyes. “Yes, you are, but whatever. You ready?” Adora nodded. So, Catra begun, “Well, things kind of went to shit pretty quickly after you – after that night when everything kinda blew up. I was, uh, not in a very good headspace. I was pissed, and I guess a little… heartbroken. And I was too far in deep to my addictions that there was no possible way I could claw myself out. I didn’t want to. I wanted to forget you, the whole world. I wanted to forget that I even existed. So, my solution to that was to go on a three-week bender.”

“Is that why you missed graduation?” Adora asked meekly.

“Oh yeah, it would not have been pretty if I showed up, considering the state I was in. Anyways, the only reason I snapped out of that bender was because I broke my arm and a couple of ribs and had to spend the night in the hospital. Don’t ask me how I managed to do that. I don’t remember. Isn’t that fucked? I was also starting to go through withdrawal, and the hospital had tested me and seen all the drugs and alcohol in my system. They called Shadow in, who really didn’t give that much of a shit about my condition, but that I was tarnishing her good name.”

“As if she didn’t do that enough herself.”

“Exactly,” Catra puffed out another stream of smoke. “The nurses there suggested I get checked into rehab. They were showing Shadow and I different pamphlets and shit. At this point, I felt like I was dying. I was puking, like, every other minute. It felt like there was a freight drain splitting my head open. And I couldn’t remember much of the past three weeks. I just wanted it all to stop. I was eighteen at the time, so they couldn’t force me to go, but I agreed because apparently getting fucked up every day was not working, so maybe it was time to try something else. 

“It was a half-assed commitment from the get. Turns out hating yourself sober is a lot worse than hating yourself under the influence. And I didn’t really want to be there, I felt like I was somehow obligated, which is never a good indication that rehab is going to work for you.”

Adora was finally looking at her with an intensity that Catra hadn’t seen in a long time. She was leaning forward, actively listening, and nodding along whenever Catra threw glances her way. She didn’t want it to, but Adora’s intensity kind of reassured Catra.

“I downed a pint of Jim Beam and got high the night I got out of that stupid place. It went on like that for a couple of years. I didn’t want to change, so I never did. About a year and a half after senior year, Shadow started hacking up blood one night. I was too fucked up to do anything, but I called an ambulance before I passed out. I didn’t find out that she had been diagnosed with lung cancer until like two weeks later when I went home for the first time since that night she coughed up blood and she told me the news. 

“I decided then and there that I was gonna take another shot at getting clean. So, I checked myself into a detox program. It was shorter than rehab, more of a place to safely expel all of the toxins from your body. It stuck for a little while longer than the last rehab stint, but a few weeks later and I was back in a grocery store trying to talk myself off a ledge in the liquor aisle. That’s where I met Scorpia. I think she could tell that I was… distressed, I guess, and not just momentarily. She, uh, she tried to befriend me. I didn’t end up buying alcohol that night. But I did the next, and the next, and soon I was hitting it hard again.

“And I was such a shit friend to Scorpia. All she wanted to do was help me, and all I did was hurt her. Yet, she stuck around. She was a persistent bitch. No matter how far I fell, she was always there for me. I guess, one morning, I just woke up and something clicked. I was tired of feeling like shit, I was tired of blaming all of my problems on other people, I was tired of being a generally detestable human being, I was tired of sleeping on streets and stealing to be able to afford drugs, and I was tired of being a bad friend. Actually, I was exhausted. So, I went back to rehab and actually wanted to get better, put effort into getting better. That time it stuck. 

“I’ve been sober ever since. I came back to the trailer as soon as Shadow moved into a hospice center, cleaned it out and fixed it up a little. Scorpia gave me the job at the diner. I’ve been slowly rebuilding my life again, piece by piece.”

“Catra, that’s…” Adora seemed to think for a second, looking at Catra with what appeared to be awe. Catra found she was the one now trying to avoid Adora’s gaze. “Amazing. I mean, that you were able to do that.”

“Yeah, well, obviously I’m still working on some things. Like, coping mechanisms, or whatever,” Catra shrugged, taking a drag. She had been distracted; the cherry of the cigarette now burned close to her fingers. She took one last puff before flicking the butt away. “But thanks.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, both processing the story Catra had just told in completely different ways. For Adora, it was the fact that Catra had been here, this whole time, going through all that and she didn’t even have the knowledge. For Catra, it was Adora now knowing the extent of just how rotten she had allowed herself to get, hoping it wouldn’t scare her away. 

After a minute or two more, Catra nudged Adora’s elbow with her fist. “Alright, dummy. Your turn.”

“Oh,” Adora seemed to be yanked out of her own head, “it’s nothing as… action packed as your past five years. I went to college, had a pretty successful track career there, double majored in finance and marketing. During junior year, that was when my mom… uh, died. Everything got kind of hard after that and it was difficult to concentrate, so I took a semester off to try and get my head back on straight. Then I went back, got my degrees. Razz, well, you know she’s kind of losing it a little. And I missed her, wanted to be around family. So, I found a job that isn’t too time consuming at that nonprofit I told you about and moved back here. That’s pretty much it.”

“Adora, I heard about Mara…”

Adora raised a hand to cut her off. “It’s okay, Catra, really. It was a while ago. I’m okay now.”

Catra nodded her head, and said, “I know it was, but listen. Really, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t call, or at least text. I’m sorry I didn’t go to the funeral. I was fucked up.”

“Seriously, I know. It’s okay. It’s in the past,” Adora reassured her, but Catra wasn’t sure she deserved it. Considering all that Mara had done for her throughout the first eighteen years of her life, completely brushing off her death like it was nothing was probably the shittiest thing Catra had ever done. And she had done a lot of shitty things. 

Catra sighed. “Why do you do that?”

“Do what?”

Catra glanced at her before bringing her hands up to rub at her eyes. “Forgive so fucking easily if though you really don’t, or shouldn’t, until it boils up to the point where you have no other choice but to burst with the acknowledgement that maybe you didn’t actually forgive anything in the first place.”

“I don’t follow.”

“Ugh,” Catra groaned exasperatedly. Guess it was time to get real. “People do shitty things to you, treat you in ways you shouldn’t be treated. And you are so quick to forgive that people just go on treating you horribly because they think they can, they think ‘Oh, Adora won’t mind,’ but then one too many things happen and it turns out you do mind, and you burst. Why do you do that?”

Adora was looking at the ground. “We’re not talking about right now, are we?”

“Great observation.”

“Catra, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You did it in high school. With me.”

Adora looked up at her, eyes narrowing. “Are you accusing me of… enabling you?”

“Fuck, no… Look, I’m past blaming all the bad shit I did on other people. Everything I did, that was on me. It will always be on me. But you didn’t say anything! You didn’t tell me that what I was doing was hurting you, even though I knew it was. You just held my hair when I threw up and answered my drunken phone calls at two in the morning.”

“Didn’t say anything? Catra, what – I did say things to you about it! I told you how unhealthy it was. I told you I was worried about you. I tried to show you that things could be good without drugs or alcohol. Every single time I hung out with Bow and Glimmer, you were invited. What more did you want me to do? Physically pry the bottle out of your hand, because I tried that too and it didn’t go over that well for me!”

“It’s not like you lost much sleep when I didn’t hang out with you.”

“What does that even mean?”

“It means that you were just fine hiding me away under the cover of darkness just to act like I hadn’t seen you naked when the sun came up.”

Adora was silent for a beat, obviously thinking of what to say, “That’s not –“

“Don’t you fucking dare say that’s not what happened. You know damn well that it was. And yeah, I get it, I was your little experiment, something easy for you to play around with. And I had a really bad way of dealing with it, but getting fucked up everyday was the only way I could think of to distract myself from the fact that I was in love with my fucking straight best friend.”

Adora’s voice was small when she said, “You weren’t an experiment.”

“What?”

She repeated, louder, “You weren’t an experiment. Never. I know who I am, knew, even back then. I was never straight. And I was never afraid of being gay. I was just afraid that I would disappoint everyone who had put such high expectations on me. Like, I was doing everything right, and they all loved me for it, and that would be taken away from me a soon as they found out that I didn’t want to go on dates with Brendan or Josh or Alex. I wanted to go on dates with girls. I wanted to go on dates with you.”

“And your solution was to pull me into your little secret?”

“It was horrible of me, I know, and I will never not be sorry for that, Catra. But like you with dealing with it by turning to substances, I was doing the only thing I knew how to do. I didn’t want to lose you. I liked you far too much, so I thought it would be okay if we could just have our little thing together, all on our own. And I could be the perfect little golden girl everyone wanted me to be. The best of both worlds. I didn’t realize the damage I was causing, even though it was right there in front of me. I’m so sorry.”

Catra sighed and relaxed into her chair, realizing that she had been wound up and tense. Fuck it, she thought, and lit up another cigarette. “Fuck.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop fucking apologizing. I get it.”

Adora hesitated, opening her mouth, and then closing it again as if debating whether she should say something. She decided to go for it. “I was in love with you too, you know.”

Catra looked over at her, eyes tired and burning cigarette dangling from her lips. “God, we were messes.”

That elicits a chuckle from Adora, sounding exhausted in her own right. “I think we still are.”

“I’m sorry too, for the record.”

“Catra…”

She raised a hand and Adora cut herself off. “I put you in a lot of difficult, and sometimes dangerous, situations because I was hurting. And I wanted you to hurt too. Our whole… situation was hard on me, and I didn’t deal with it right, and that affected you too. So, I’m sorry.”

“So, I’m a girl with major self-esteem and self-worth issues –“

“With a huge fucking ego,” Catra reminded her. Adora released an acknowledging chuckle.

“With a huge fucking ego. And you’re a girl with questionable coping mechanisms who runs on impulse.”

Catra nodded. “That about sums it up.”

“But we’re both working on it, right?” Adora pointed out. “I’m out now. I don’t really care that much about what people think anymore. I mean, it worries me sometimes, like remnants of what I used to feel in high school. But I don’t let that stop me from being me.”

“You’re out?”

“Yeah, came out sophomore year of college. Had a semi-serious girlfriend for a while. Mara was, like, weirdly thrilled about it when I told her. And of course, Bow and Glimmer already kind of knew. All the friends I met in college were queer, so they were all completely fine with it. I kind of psyched myself out for nothing.”

Catra couldn’t help her stomach sinking or feeling like she was being stabbed in the heart as Adora spoke. She knew the implications of those words right away. She felt tears start to sting her eyes, but she blinked them away before they could make an appearance. Quietly, she asked, “Was I not worth it?”

It took a second for Adora to register the words, but once she did, she sat stick straight in her chair and maneuvered her body, so she sat completely facing Catra, her hands out, placating. “No, no, God, Catra, of course that's not what I meant. I was stupid, and ignorant, and unaware of how to deal with my feelings. If I had known then what I know now I would have shouted my love for you from the rooftops. I was so, so, so dumb. And I fucked everything up. It didn’t have anything to do with you, okay?”

Catra nodded, staring straight ahead and bringing a knee up to her chest to have something to hug. She glanced over at Adora, who was still looking at her with soft and melancholy eyes. “So, was she pretty?”

“Who?”

“This ex.”

Adora shrugged. “Honestly, its been awhile. It ended after, like, eleven months, but that was two and a half years ago. It ended amicably, but we didn’t really stay in contact.”

“Do you have a picture?”

“You want to see a picture of my ex?”

Catra nodded, though she didn’t know why. Did she want to see a picture of Adora’s ex? It seemed like a weird thing to ask for from someone who just recently came back into her life, whose throat she’s been at since she got her. But Catra was curious. 

Adora pulled out her phone and fiddled with it for a minute, before turning the screen towards Catra. On the screen was a picture of presumably the ex in question. Catra didn’t have to spend a lot of time studying it to see similarities. The girl looked almost exactly like her, except with maybe a softer face and less angles, and the eyes were the same color. And the hair was longer. But they could’ve been sisters. Catra peered up at Adora above the screen.

She was rubbing at the back of her neck, laughing anxiously. “I kind of have a type.”

Catra just raised her eyebrows and didn’t say a word. Adora hastily pulled down her phone and put it back into her pocket before turning to regard Catra once again. She inhaled deeply, exhaled. 

Then she said, “Listen, Catra, we both obviously hurt each other really badly in the past. But… I really think that we’re different now. We’ve grown. Matured. For the most part. I want to get to know you again. I want you in my life. I want… I want us to be friends again. Can we try that? Is that – I mean, what do you want?”

Catra paused for a moment, more so to keep Adora on her heels then to think about her answer. Because deep down, she already knew it. She wanted Adora in her life to. Maybe even needed her. “I think I want that too. But on one condition, Adora. Stop being so goddamned pushy. You got your talk, now take it down a notch. Understand?”

Adora nodded while smiling broadly, looking like a happy little puppy dog eager for a new toy. “You got it, boss.”

Catra smiled back.

Adora finished off her Red Bull, noticing Catra's still bandaged hand. "How's that going by the way?"

"Still hurts like a fucking bitch."

"You'd think you would have remembered that from the two times you broke fingers in high school for punching walls."

"Shut up, dummy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They are not completely out of the woods just yet in terms of angst (these two are dramatic). But, this is the beginning of the transition to a tentative rekindling of FRIENDSHIP, and how they deal with their past issues when they are on more of the same page because as we all know, communication is key.
> 
> Oh, I also crawled out from under my rock and made a Twitter. So, I don't know, follow me if you want. I have been known to chat occasionally. (@J_Stor10)


	8. A Rock and a Hard Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra makes coffee. Adora wants to hang. Shadow's past catches up with Catra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here's chapter 8. My schedule has filled up again, so updates will be less frequent (for the most part, I tend to procrastinate other things by writing).
> 
> Let me know what you think!

SEPTEMBER 3, SENIOR YEAR

Catra was driving Adora crazy. They had always been physically affectionate, even before they had first kissed at the back-to-school party thrown by Glimmer only a couple of weeks earlier. But now everything was different. Now, every time Catra touched her whether it be nonchalantly, like they used to, or with much more (and different) intent, Adora felt like a shock was emanating right from Catra’s finger, lips, whatever, and into Adora’s body, making her feel like she was buzzing. They had not gone further than kissing, but now, as Catra’s hand sat languidly on her thigh, thumb drawing lazy circles, Adora could feel a heat starting to pool in her lower abdomen. 

Catra didn’t seem to know what she was doing to Adora. She sat next to her at Grey’s dining room table, reading out of her textbook and twirling a pen in her free hand, not paying Adora any attention at all. Adora couldn’t seem to get her attention off Catra, though she had her own studying she should probably have doing. Every word from whatever book she was reading for Lit class blurred to the point where she was just staring at the page, hyper aware of the movement of Catra’s hand. It was a good thing Mara wasn’t home, because if this didn’t stop soon, Adora might just jump Catra right then and there.

She had to do something, say something, before her brain short-circuited entirely.

“Catra,” she said, her voice entirely to hoarse for her liking.

Catra didn’t look up. “What?”

“We should go on a date.” That is… not what she thought was going to come out of her own mouth. She had not thought about asking Catra on a date. She had not planned said date. She had not gone over ever minute detail of the consequences going on said date might have. What was she thinking?

Catra was looking at her now, her hand still on Adora’s thigh but her thumb no longer circling in slow ministrations. A look of confusion took over her face as she raised one eyebrow. Adora didn’t know if she should be upset or not by the reaction.

“You want to go on a date?” Catra asked, somewhat accusatorily, using the pen in her hand to point at herself. “With me?”

“Yes.”

Catra shook her head, removing her hand from Adora. She immediately missed the warmth it had spread there. Catra looked back down to her textbook and flipped to the next page, muttering, “You are so confusing.”

Adora wasn’t deterred. “What is confusing about me asking you on a date? You are my girlfriend, right?”

Catra’s tone was dismissive, “Secret girlfriend, ‘Dora. Which you insisted upon.”

“Okay, so know one else will know it’s a date. But we will. And that’s what matters, right? You deserve to be taken out. You deserve to have someone who will buy you flowers and open the door for you. You deserve someone who will kiss you at the end of the night. I want to be that person for you.”

“Just in secret,” Catra said, leveling a stare at Adora. 

Adora nodded at her solemnly, matching Catra’s stare. “Catra, I know it’s not ideal. I just… everything is so complicated. But one thing I know is that I like you so, so much. And I want to make you happy. But… well, this is the only way I know how right now.”

Adora watched as Catra hesitated, biting her lower lip, before one corner of her mouth twitched up in the smallest hint of a smile. “You like me? That must be so embarrassing for you.”

Adora smiled back at her. “Yeah, yeah, super embarrassing.” She waited a moment, watching Catra’s expression, trying to decipher what she could be thinking. Adora, in her mind, was stuck between a rock and a hard place. In the perfect world, she wouldn’t be hiding the feelings she harbored for Catra. She would be showing her off any chance she could get, because Adora wasn’t stupid, Catra was a catch. She was beautiful, and smart, and witty, and so unique. Anyone would be lucky to have her. But the world wasn’t a perfect one, and Adora didn’t feel like she had the choice of making her relationship with Catra public. It was a shitty compromise, doing all of this in secret, but it was the only thing she could come up with. Catra’s face didn’t give Adora any clues into what the girl was thinking, so she prompted, “Are you mad at me?”

Catra sighed, moving her hand to place it over Adora’s resting on the table. “No, I’m not mad at you. I like you too. I’m happy to have you, however that may be.”

“So, can I take you to a movie and dinner?”

“Yes, dummy, you can take me to a movie and dinner.”

“Can I buy you flowers?”

“Flowers are dumb.”

“Can I get them for you anyway?”

Catra rolled her eyes and wrapped her fingers around Adora’s hand and brought it into her lap. “Sure.”

“Can I kiss you at the end of the night?”

“You fucking better,” Catra scoffed. 

“Cool,” Adora beamed. Catra didn’t hate her. In fact, she openly admitted to liking her. They were going on a date, and Catra wasn’t mad that it had to be in secret. She wasn’t completely ruining everything. Things were great. Everything was going to be okay.

They turned back to their own respective textbooks, idly flipping through pages every few minutes and sitting in relative silence. Catra still held onto Adora’s hand, and Adora held back, happy just to be in the presence of her best friend since childhood, who had recently become so much more. 

Adora was able to focus much better, but she couldn’t help herself from glancing over at Catra every now and again. She was mesmerizing, hypnotic. Her thick, curly hair fell over her shoulder, hiding her face. But Adora didn’t need to see it to know the expression on Catra’s face, the cute one she made when concentrating. Eyes narrowed, nose scrunched, the hint of tongue just peeking out of the corner of her mouth. Plus, and this was the best part to Adora, Catra was wearing her black sweatshirt, “Sergei’s” reading across the front, from a local restaurant Adora loved. The sweatshirt was big on her, and she looked so comfortable and small. So cute. 

“’Dora?” Catra said.

“Hm?” Adora responded dreamily. 

“Stop staring at me, weirdo.”

“Sorry.” Adora snapped out of whatever daze she was in, eyes whipping from Catra back to the book in front of her. But concentrating had become hard once again. Catra had that affect on her. “Hey, guess what.”

Catra flipped a page and glanced up at Adora. “Aren’t we supposed to be studying.”

Adora just shrugged, giving Catra a toothy grin.

Catra just sighed. “What, Princess?”

“I talked to the Etheria head track coach this past weekend. They’re giving me a full ride. I’m officially gonna be a Tiger.”

Catra completely abandoned the textbook in front of her, turning to face Adora fully and squeezing her hand. “’Dora, that’s great!” She glanced at the front door before quickly planting a peck directly on Adora’s lips, and then another on her cheek. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks! And it’s in the city, so we’ll be close. I mean if you stay here for college or whatever. But even if you don’t, I’ll be here when you come back to visit.”

Catra didn’t turn away, but Adora noticed the smile on her face grow just a little bit smaller, the light in her eyes dim just slightly. “Yeah, I wouldn’t worry about me going too far.”

“Why, are you planning on going to Etheria? Or Salineas?” Adora asked. Salineas was the local community college and was a much cheaper option to get required classes out of the way. Adora knew of Catra’s financial situation. Community college would actually be pretty ideal for her.

Catra shook her head. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Adora was confused. “Wait, so… you’re not going to college?”

Eyebrows raised, Catra studied Adora’s face, like she was calculating how to proceed. Finally, she said, “Eh, college just isn’t for me.”

“But… but what about getting an education? We’ve talked so much about what colleges we were gonna go to, what we were planning on studying, how we were gonna visit each other every weekend if we didn’t end up in the same place. What… you talked so much about wanting to become a lawyer,” Adora said. Catra took her hand out of Adora’s, leaning back in her chair. 

Adora leaned forward towards Catra, missing her hand in hers. Every time Catra stopped touching her, Adora felt like a hole opened on her body wherever her touch had been. Her hand was burning with the missing warmth. 

Catra’s voice lacked any tone to give Adora any sort of hint as to what she was thinking, “Pipe dreams.”

“What do you mean ‘pipe dreams’? Catra, you have to go to college.”

“No, I really don’t.”

“Everybody goes to college! That’s the only way to get a good job, to have a good life. To –“

“Ah, yes, because the only way to be happy is to go to college, work a 9 to 5, marry some conventionally attractive manly man, pop out a few kids, make enough money to send them through college, pressure them into studying something that makes them miserable, wait for them to get married so they can pop me out a few grandbabies, die in a condo in Florida. Rinse and repeat with my kids and their kids after them. Yeah, no fucking thanks.”

“But what are you going to do?” Adora inquired, genuinely asking. But Catra just looked annoyed, her foot tapping furiously against the floor.

“I don’t know, Adora, probably get a job. Why are you making a whole deal out of this?”

“I don’t know. We talked about college all the time. I didn’t even know you were thinking of not going.”

Catra held up a finger, pointing at Adora’s chest. “No, you brought up college all the time, and I indulged you because for some reason only god knows, I like you and want you to be happy. And now you know I don’t want to go. So, can we just drop it already?”

Catra began gathering up her textbooks and notebooks and putting them in her backpack. Adora was panicking. Fuck, she always did this, always ruined things. She couldn’t go a whole fucking day without saying something that upset Catra, whether it be about the precariousness of their relationship or the uncertainty of their future. “Catra…”

Catra stood up from the table. “Seriously, Adora, let it go. I’m not going to college. That’s it. Listen, I have to go. But I’ll see you tomorrow at school, okay?”

Adora’s voice was barely audible, even to herself. “You don’t have to go.”

Catra smiled at her, but it seemed a little strained to Adora, which worried her. “Relax, dummy. Shadow wanted me home for dinner tonight, said we need to have a talk, which means I’m gonna be spending the whole night talking her down from whatever rage she drank herself into this time, probably regarding me.”

To seemingly hammer home her point, she leaned down and kissed Adora’s forehead gently, hand resting on her neck. Only centimeters from her face, Catra whispered, “Pick me up tomorrow night at 6, take me someplace fancy. The movie better be a horror film. And I’m expecting flowers now.”

Catra straightened herself and looked down at Adora. She nodded once, smiled back up at the girl, and watched her leave through the front door. Catra had left on a seemingly good note, which was a good sign. But she hadn’t even told Adora she wasn’t expecting to go to college, though they had talked about the future multiple times in the recent months. And then Adora had pushed, which had obviously been a bad idea, as Catra didn’t take too kindly to that. 

Adora stared at the front door after Catra, for the most part feeling excited to start brainstorming ideas for the date. But something didn’t feel just quite right. Something in the back of her mind was trying to tell her something. Something not entirely pleasant, something she probably didn’t want to hear. But she couldn’t quite put her finger on what it was, so she tried to ignore it. And that night she succeeded. 

But that tiny voice in the back of her mind, little did she know how much it would grow in the year ahead.

…

PRESENT

Adora had to finish painting the trailer that day, or Razz would have a conniption. That much was for sure. The front and back was done, as well as one side. But with all the drama with Catra recently, Adora hadn’t gotten the chance to finish the remaining side. That was the only thing on her agenda. 

Even though it was the only thing she had to accomplish that day, she still found herself being distracted almost immediately after she stepped out of the trailer. Her eyes were drawn to Catra’s trailer across the street, where she saw the girl who owned the trailer sitting in her normal chair. She had not moved the chair Adora had occupied during their talk, and while she was smoking and reading and otherwise not paying Adora any attention at all, Adora noticed that there were not one, but two coffee cups sitting on the table between the two chairs. 

Catra noticed Adora quickly and gave her a smile. Then, raising her hand, she twerked her finger towards her in a ‘come hither’ motion. Adora didn’t even have to think about, she obeyed. 

Once she was standing in front of Catra, looking down at her, Catra spoke. “Hey Adora. It’s a beautiful morning for a cup of coffee,” she said, gesturing to the second coffee cup beside her. “Want some?”

Adora put a hand to the back her neck. Sure, she and Catra had agreed on being friends very recently, but she couldn’t help but be thrown off just a little bit by the outright friendlessness Catra was now offering her. She so desperately wanted to follow her initial gut feeling and just accept, but part of her was telling her to proceed cautiously, to not ruin anything by jumping headfirst into Catra’s extended kindnesses. She didn’t want to overwhelm the other girl with her eagerness.

“I gotta finish painting the trailer at some point,” Adora explained, but Catra just smirked at her.

“Ya, at some point. You got all day. Have some coffee.”

“Yeah, okay.” It apparently didn’t take much to make Adora relent. So, she sat down in the other chair, grabbing the mug and raising the steaming liquid to her lips. She blew on it a couple times before taking a sip. She noticed that Catra had turned back to her book. “How’d you know I was working outside today?”

Catra, not looking away from the words on the page, shrugged. “An educated guess.”

“Educated?”

Catra did look at her then with a roll of her eyes. “Please, Adora. We make up literally yesterday and you expect me to believe that you’d hide out all day in your trailer rather than come out here and try to engage me in some type of ‘friendly’ conversation. I know you better than that.”

Adora couldn’t argue with that. Since she had gone back to her trailer after their talk last night, she already had the beginnings of the formulation of a plan on how she would proceed the next morning, knowing full well she would work outside and not even trying to deny to herself the fact that she hoped Catra would be back on her chair, reading away like usual.

“You read a lot,” Adora observed, not really sure what else to say, still gripping tightly to her mug and taking sips here and there.

“You don’t read nearly enough,” Catra was turned back to her book.

Adora, still looking at the other girl, squinted, “How would you know?”

Catra chuckled to herself. “You may have changed since high school, ‘Dora, but I bet you haven’t changed that much. Like I said, I know you better than that.”

“You go through books like their candy.”

Another shrug. “I like intellectual stimulation.”

“So, what are you reading now?”

Wordlessly, Catra lifted her book to show Adora the front cover. It was some obscure title from an author Adora didn’t recognize, though that wasn’t saying much. Catra kept on reading. Adora took a breath, trying to relax back into her chair. She could do this, talking to Catra had always been easy. No reason that should have changed. She could definitely talk to Catra like normal. She had been doing it already. She could keep the conversation casual and friendly. 

“I have a question for you?” Adora said, knowing immediately, know matter how much she tried to give herself a pep talk, she was going to end up sticking her foot in her mouth. She couldn’t help it, it was in her nature. 

“I have an answer, you want me to go first?”

This was a game Catra had played even back in high school. The familiarity worked immensely in releasing some of the tension still present in Adora’s shoulders. “Sure.”

“Only on Tuesdays,” she responded. 

Adora nodded. It worked, sort of. “So, you’ll hang out with me on Tuesday?”

Catra shifted her attention from the book over to Adora. “Smooth.” Adora gave her a sheepish smile. “You want to hang out? Like what we’re doing right now?”

“I mean like, go do something. Maybe a movie?” Fuck, this was not keeping the conversation casual. But Adora had gone in far too deep already. Might as well push through. “You know that horror movie that came out when we were seniors that we saw? Well, the like… seventh film in the series just came out. We could go see that?”

“So, like a date?”

Before Adora could think, she responded, “Yes.” Then she realized what she had just said, and so she stumbled over words, trying to backtrack. “I mean, not really. No. Like as friends. Like a friend date.”

“Jeez, Adora, breath. I’m just fucking with you,” Catra said, putting her book down and finishing off her coffee. “That movie sucked, by the way.”

“But we had such a good time bashing it,” Adora answered. “Wanna check it out? Maybe this one will be worse.”

Catra sighed and pursed her lips. “You know what, fuck. Why not. I’m up to turn my brain off for a little bit and watch a bunch of people get taken over by aliens for the seventh time.” She then stood from the chair and stretched, causing her loose t-shirt to ride up on her toned stomach and causing Adora to gulp thickly and avert her eyes, ignoring the little bit of desire that was blooming in her chest. It was just a reflex, Adora told herself. She had known Catra’s body so well, it was only rational that it still had this effect on her. Catra, once finished, picked up her pack of cigarettes and stuffed them in the back pocket of her jean shorts, tucked her book underneath her arms, and gathered up the empty coffee mugs. “Alright, ‘Dora, I got shit to do this afternoon. Go finish painting before Razz goes after you with that broom of hers.”

“Aw, it’s almost as if you care about me,” Adora joked, chuckling.

Catra winked at her, causing a minor short-circuit in Adora’s brain. “Wouldn’t want you all bloodied and bruised for our friend date. What would people think about the people I associate with?”

And with that, Catra sauntered off back into her trailer, hips swaying. Adora sat there and watched, eyes trailing after her, butterflies fluttering like crazy in her stomach. 

God, she thought to herself, she definitely had to get that feeling under control.

…

Catra found that she still enjoyed Adora, still enjoyed flustering her. She told herself that it wasn’t because she liked the way Adora looked with her lips parted and her cheeks flushed. That wasn’t it. And it wasn’t because she liked the feeling of being able to make Adora get that way, that Catra was the reason Adora was reacting like that. No, she just liked to stir the shit a little bit.

And, despite herself, Catra was excited for her friend date to the movies with Adora. It was a callback to a time when Adora and Catra were happy (though with undertones of something festering, Catra could admit). Friends went to the movies all the time. And so would Adora and Catra, no secrets between them. Well, that wasn’t entirely true, but at least the secrets they had weren’t shared. They could keep things separate, be independent people. Friends, with their own lives. It would be good, like a rewrite. 

But Catra’s secrets were starting to catch up with her. It had started that morning, with a string of texts from someone she never wanted to her from ever again. She had ignored them at the time, but that had been the worst possible thing to do. 

Because she was jolted awake in the middle of the night, a startled Melog clawing her as they jumped off her chest, by a loud banging on her front door. Quickly, she pulled on an old t-shirt over her sports bra to pair with her joggers, and made her way to the living room, looking through the peephole. When her eyes focused in the darkness and she saw who was standing on the other side of the door, her heart stopped. 

Fuck, she should have just answered the stupid texts. 

She swung open the door, putting on an air of mock confidence that she didn’t really feel, and stared down the tall, gaunt man with a shock of dark hair standing on her steps. “What the fuck are you doing here, Hordak?”

Hordak didn’t answer, just pushed Catra aside and made his way into her apartment and to the couch, sitting himself down and staring up expectantly at Catra. “That’s no way to treat your guests.”

Catra was practically growling. She might have been scared, but man this dude had really pissed her off ever since she had meant him. “I don’t recall inviting you.”

“Aren’t you supposed to offer me a drink? I’ll take any dark liquor. Not much of a vodka man anymore.”

“There’s no alcohol here.”

Hordak nodded, examining the interior of the trailer, and taking everything in. “Yes, I see you have made quite a few changes since Shadow has left. It’s not so… dreary in here. How about a cigarette?” 

Hordak didn’t wait for an answer. He reached for Catra’s pack on the coffee table and fished out a cigarette and lighter, lighting up right there in the living room. “What are you doing here, Hordak? You already know Shadow’s not here, so leave me alone.”

“Straight to business, huh?” Hordak said, taking a drag. “Not even going to ask if I have any extra drugs I could spare for a discount.” Catra swallowed. “Because I do. Look at the bags under your eyes. Need some coke? You look like you could use some sort of upper.” With that, Hordak took a baggie filled with white powder out of the inner pocket of his jacket and gave it a little shake. “The best in Etheria, but I don’t need to tell you that.”

Catra could feel the heat rising to her cheeks. God, the things she would do just to get her hands on the coke. No. No, she didn’t need that. She was sober, and she was fine being sober. Drugs had nearly destroyed her life. She wasn’t going to let some asshole goad her into going down that path again.

Catra gritted her teeth. “I know you’re not here to sell me drugs, Hordak. So, I’ll say it one last time, what are you doing here?”

Hordak pocketed the baggie and stood up, turning around to examine the artwork on the wall behind the couch. “Always so perceptive, you.” He turned around, facing Catra with an intense stare. “Prime would like a meeting.”

“I told you, Shadow isn’t here, and she’s not going to be able to meet Prime anytime soon. She’s off losing her mind in a hospice center.”

“You stupid girl. Prime does not want to meet with Shadow, he wants to meet with you,” Hordak said, stepping closer into Catra’s space. It took all of her willpower to stand her ground.

“Well, you can tell him no thanks. I’m not interested.”

Hordak laughed her face. “You think you have a choice? Do I need to remind you what happens to people who don’t obey Prime?” His eyes flicked up past Catra’s, settling on Razz’s apartment visible through the living room window. “Or maybe I need to send you a message. I think I have a good candidate in mind.”

Catra knew exactly what he was looking at, who exactly he was referring to. She remembered back to all those years ago, sitting in her bathroom as Adora cleaned her up after Hordak ordered a “message” be sent to Shadow. She shuddered at picturing Adora in the position she had been in.

Biting back the fear bubbling in her stomach, she took a step forward, face to face with Hordak. “Don’t you dare fucking touch her. She’s not a part of this.”

“Not yet, anyway,” Hordak said, smiling. “Should I let Prime know you’re willing to meet? Say, next weekend at The Spire? An early dinner?”

Catra was seething. She had thought she had made it out, thought all this stuff with Hordak and Prime was done and over with as soon as Shadow was out of her life. But turns out it wasn’t enough for Shadow to get her hooked on drugs, she just had to pull her into all her problems too. She was the bane of Catra’s existence, even when barely alive and nowhere in sight.

“Fine,” Catra mumbled. Hordak nodded, the sinister smile still plastered on his face. He began to make his way back towards the door before Catra stopped him. “Wait.” Hordak stopped but didn’t turn around. “Just… please.” Her voice was small, smaller than she meant it to be. “Leave her out of it. Please."

Hordak looked back at her over his shoulder. “Don’t worry. Do what you’re supposed to, and nothing will happen to the girl.”

Then he was gone, and Catra fell to the floor, heaving sobs wracking her chest as tears clouded her vision. Melog crawled up on her lap and nuzzled against her stomach, trying to comfort her. It didn’t work. She had to meet with Prime, or else Adora would get hurt. She couldn’t let that happen. She also knew that meeting with Prime was never a good thing. In fact, it would probably be her undoing. But there was nothing she could do about that.

Adora couldn’t get hurt. Not because of her. Not because of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was always gonna be some sort of conflict other than Catra and Adora's past. It can't be that easy for them! But while there still will be a little bit of angst regarding their relationship, this chapter marks a shift from the conflict coming from the two to the conflict coming from some more external sources. 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading, thanks for commenting. Thanks for everything, really.
> 
> Okay, okay. Goodbye for now.


	9. Yet So Far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra and Adora go on a friend date. Adora reels it in (with some urging from Catra). The girls get interrupted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so here's Chapter 9. There are some content warnings here, including some sexual references and ignorant homophobia from dumb boys. 
> 
> Enjoy...

Adora woke up in the morning in a cold sweat. It wasn’t unpleasant because of the reason she woke up in a sweat in the first place. It had to do with a dream, a very vivid one, in which Catra was straddling her with nothing but her old track t-shirt on, the one that Catra still had. When Adora had woken up, she had reached the part of the dream where she had just started touching Catra, who was moaning softly in her ear. Heat had exploded in her stomach at that moment, the same moment her alarm blared and sprung her into consciousness and stayed with while she lay on the bed wide awake. 

The heat was pooling into her lower abdomen and between her legs, and for a brief moment Adora thought of finishing herself off. She stopped that train of thought immediately. There was no question that Adora was attracted to Catra, that much had been clear since senior year of high school. Sex dreams about someone you are attracted to are normal. Finishing yourself off to the thought of someone who you had only recently been reacquainted with, not so normal. There is thought that goes into that, intent. 

Adora’s mission was clear, become Catra’s friend again and be the friend she needed to be. She wasn’t going to jeopardize what little semblance of control she had around Catra just for her own fleeting feeling of pleasure. She’d just take a cold shower, wash the night off her, and prepare for their friend date this afternoon. That was easy enough.

Except it wasn’t, not at first. She did take a cold shower, but while it may have washed away whatever had built up overnight, it didn’t wash away the thought of Catra in nothing but her oversized t-shirt, teasing Adora like she used to, whispering in her ear so close she could feel Catra’s lips against her skin. She told herself to knock it off, but while the heat had been turned down a couple of notches, she was definitely still aware of its presence in the pit of her stomach. 

No matter, Adora knew how to keep busy. She first took out her laptop and set up shop on the couch, trying to get some work done. Mostly she was trying to go over financial reports and designate areas that they needed to make more money for or areas they could reallocate some funds to even out the spread. But after about a half an hour of staring blankly at spreadsheet after spreadsheet, she looked at the clock. It was only 10:30 in the morning. Yesterday, when Adora passed Catra sitting outside her trailer to go run some errands, they had agreed that 3 o’clock would work for both of them. That left Adora four and a half hours. 

Fuck, working wasn’t going to pass the time fast enough.

She abandoned her laptop and started completing some menial chores around the house, hoping to make time move a little bit quicker. Washing the dishes, folding some laundry, sweeping the kitchen and vacuuming between the cushions on the couch. 

Razz was getting on her about staying out of her way, she was trying to bake some pies. Adora managed to stay out of the kitchen long enough to watch out the living room window for a few moments to see if she could catch Catra coming out. Once she thought she stared long enough, she went back into the kitchen to prepare lunch for her and Razz, completely forgetting about Razz’s warning. 

She ended up making some cold cut sandwiches, nothing too involved, but Razz was watching her closely.

“Dearie, why are you so restless today. More so than usual, anyway?” Razz questioned her after placing a pie in the oven. 

Adora placed the second plate of sandwich in front of Razz on the counter, taking a bite of her own. Chewing slowly. Swallowing. She looked up at the clock. Two and a half more hours. She wondered if Catra still liked cold cuts. That was their go-to midnight snack back in high school, after wearing each other out for a couple of hours. 

“Hello, Razz is talking to you?” Razz said. She had picked up the broom resting against the cupboard and was waving it in Adora’s face, causing her to snap to attention. 

“What’d you say?”

Razz enunciated her words this time, sounding sick of Adora. “Why are you so restless?”

“I’m not restless,” Adora responded, but she wasn’t looking at Razz. She was looking through the small window in the kitchen that pointed towards Catra’s trailer, trying to see if she could catch a glimpse of the girl through her own living room window. No luck.

Razz had followed Adora’s gaze. “Mmhmm,” she said, but went into the living room to leave Adora alone in her thoughts.

Truthfully, Adora wasn’t restless. She was worried, and the only thing that helped her calm down was if she kept her hands busy. Adora had seen, that night after they made a plan to go to the movies, a car pull up to Catra’s trailer and watched as a tall, gaunt man made his way to her door. She saw Catra open the door, let the stranger in. Adora had tried to go to sleep, tried not to watch the trailer warily. But she couldn’t fall asleep, couldn’t help but wonder what was going on. 

He certainly wasn’t Catra’s boyfriend, she had made it clear a long time ago she was only into woman. So, who could it be? A friend? A drug dealer? Someone more nefarious? Adora worried. She couldn’t help herself, despite trying to remind herself that Catra was a big girl and could take care of herself. It didn’t work, she kept worrying. 

The question was whether or not Adora should bring it up. She didn’t want to seem like a stalker, but they lived across the street from each other. It’s not like she wouldn’t notice a random car parked right out front. Friends ask other friends about stuff like that, right? It didn’t have to be weird. 

Adora went about busying herself again until 3 o’clock rolled around. By then she had showered, put on a plain white shirt and some jeans, put her hair up into its usual ponytail, and was completely ready to go. She burst out of the trailer, far too excited to get embarrassed about her eagerness, and bounded up to Catra’s door. 

It only took two knocks before the door flung open and revealed flushed Catra, short hair slick, in nothing but black running shorts and a matching sports bra, beads of sweat running down her neck and forehead. She was breathing heavily. Adora had to push down the feeling of the heat in her stomach intensifying. She clenched her jaw. 

“Adora?” Catra looked confused. Suddenly, a look of realization overtook her face and her brow furrowed. “Jesus, what time is it?”

Adora offered a tentative smile, “Three.”

“Fuck, of course it is. Sorry, I swear I didn’t forget. I just went on a stress run and lost track of time, I guess. Mind waiting for, like, 15 minutes while I get ready?” Catra didn’t seem to be waiting for an answer, just moved into her trailer and leaving the door open. For… Adora? Was that an invitation? Unsure, Adora waited on the other side of the threshold. Catra wasn’t moving to close the door. She looked back towards Adora. “You can wait in here, dummy.”

Adora didn’t need anymore prodding. She stepped inside the trailer and closed the door behind her as Catra made her way to her bedroom. Adora couldn’t help but be surprised, and somewhat… impressed, at what Catra had done with the trailer. 

It was still dark, like it had been 5 years ago. The wall paint was a dark blue color and the blinds, all except for the ones on the front living room window, were pulled closed. Dim string lights offered soft light all around the main room of the trailer. But instead of bare walls with cracked paint, there were paintings hung up, illuminated by the lights. Everywhere. They looked abstract, and mostly in muted colors. There was a keyboard in the corner of the living room now, along with new, clean looking couches. No more were there half empty bottles of alcohol thrown all over the place. A bookshelf sat next to one of the couches, stuffed full of books, with a record player sitting on top. On the other side of the bookshelf was a yellow mile crate filled with records. It used to look like a hoarder lived in the trailer, but now it was tidy and minimalistic. 

Adora finally noticed Catra leaning against the doorframe of her bedroom, towel thrown over one shoulder, watching Adora intently. “It probably looks a lot different then it did since the last time you were here.”

Adora opened her mouth to answer, but before she could, she watched as cat with a beautiful auburn coat appeared from Catra’s bedroom, weaving through her legs, and running up to Adora, stopping just short. The cat regarded Adora carefully. 

“This yours?” Adora asked.

“Adora, meet Melog. Melog, Adora.”

Adora looked up from the cat to meet Catra in the eyes. “Melog?”

Catra just shrugged and slipped into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. Adora heard the faucet of the shower turn on, so she figured she’d have to keep the cat company for at least a few minutes. Dogs, Adora could do. Cats. Well, she didn’t have the best track record. 

Carefully, Adora crouched down and stuck her hand out, knuckles first, to allow the cat to sniff. Surprisingly, after a few tentative sniffs, Melog pushed their head into Adora’s hand and started purring. Adora couldn’t help a laugh from bubbling up in her chest. The cat was cute, even Adora could admit to that. After a few scratches behind the ears, Melog rubbed the length of their body against Adora’s shin and jumped up onto the couch, meowing at Adora, presumably to follow. So, Adora took a seat and the cat climbed into her lap, nuzzling against her stomach and purring like an engine. Adora took to petting over the cat gently. 

She must have been too distracted with Melog to hear the faucet turn off, because she jumped when she heard Catra’s voice, “Looks like you made a new friend.”

Adora could tell she was staring at Catra. She stood there in nothing but a towel, water dripping from her wet hair and onto her shoulders, beads trickling slowly down her shoulders and calves. She gulped, the heat once again building in her stomach. Fuck, get it together Adora. 

“Weird, Melog’s usually a moody little cat. Doesn’t usually take too kindly to strangers,” she said while walking back into her room. She didn’t shut the door, allowing Adora to hear her rustling through her drawers. 

“Your trailer looks really nice,” Adora said, cursing herself for how hoarse her voice sounded. 

Adora heard Catra drop her towel, starting to pull on clothes. Again, Adora swallowed hard. “Thanks, took me a little bit to clear all the crap out. But I’m happy with the way it turned out.”

Adora must have forgotten to continue petting the cat, because Melog mewled annoyingly and butted their head into Adora’s hand. Adora started petting them again. “Whose paintings are these?”

“Mine.”

Holy shit. Catra had painted these? They looked like she had bought them in a store, not that she had painted them by hand. Catra appeared in the doorway of her bedroom, clad in a black short sleeve button up and ripped black jeans, pointing at the door across the trailer, which had at one point lead into Shadow’s bedroom.

“Turned that bitch’s bedroom into a studio shortly after she went into the hospice center. My therapist told me to find healthier ways to manage my emotions and stress. Hence, the running. And the painting.”

“And the keyboard?”

“I still like the guitar better, but I’ve been learning some things on the keyboard, yeah.”

“Do I stress you out, Catra?”

“Yeah, you do, ‘Dora. You try holding a conversation with a dummy like you.”

Adora stuck out her tongue at Catra as she made her way back into the bathroom, rummaging around. Melog hopped off Adora’s lap and followed Catra into the bathroom. “Hey, buddy,” Adora heard Catra say, and the cat meowed in response. 

Adora waited in the living room, trying to take in all of the paintings. But there was so many, and they were all so good. Adora didn’t know where to place her attention. The paintings were abstract, sure, but Adora could still decipher the subjects of a few of them. For example, she could make out that Melog had been the inspiration for some of them. Some looked like they could be stills of different landscapes. Some look like portraits. Specifically, one right above the dining room table looked especially familiar. It was a portrait, that much was clear. Shapes filled the canvas at different angles and sizes. One glance and Adora wouldn’t have put anymore thought into the painting. But studying it more, Adora began to notice more things, like how some of the shapes created familiar traits she had seen before. In the mirror. Like the hair poof she used to wear religiously. Was she being stupid? Why would Catra use her as the subject of painting? 

“That’s my favorite one,” Catra said from behind Adora, causing her to jump for the second time in the last fifteen minutes to face her.

“It’s pretty,” she said, turning back towards the painting. 

She could hear the tight smile in Catra’s voice when she said, “Thanks. You ready to go? What time is the movie?”

“It isn’t until 4, we have a little time,” Adora turned around to face Catra again. The tight smile was still present. “Um, can I ask you a question? Let me know if its too personal, or anything.”

Catra nodded. “You can ask.”

Adora let out a breath. “Okay. Was – did you have someone over the other night?”

“You mean the night you asked me out on a date?”

“A friend date.”

Catra chuckled, “Yeah, someone came over.”

“Who?”

Catra gave Adora a look. Not necessarily a glare, but definitely getting there. “Just an acquaintance. Am I allowed to have those outside of you, Adora?”

Adora raised her hands in a placating manner, trying not to allow the situation to escalate. “Of course, of course. Yes, you are allowed to have other acquaintances. Not that you – uh, need my permission or anything. I just… well, I’ve been here for awhile now and I’ve never seen you have anyone over. And they way you reacted when you thought I told Bow and Glimmer –“

“Adora, it’s been 5 years. I have a life outside of you, Bow, and Glimmer. Shit has happened. There are parts of me that you don’t know about,” Catra said, her look turning more and more into a glare as the conversation went on. 

“I know that. I was just… worried, I guess.”

Catra rolled her eyes, grabbing her wallet from the kitchen table and putting it in her back pocket. “It was just an old friend, Adora. Okay? Nothing to worry about.”  
“Okay, but…”

The glare was back and in full force. “But what?” And now there was bite in her voice.

“You’re being kind of cagey is all.”

“And you’re being pushy. Remember what we talked about, ‘Dora. Take it fucking down a notch. I’m not doing this.”

Oh, she was mad. Adora had to reign it in. “Sorry!” she burst out, startling Catra. Adora took a breath. “Sorry. Sorry, I didn’t mean to push. I’m, uh… happy that you have friends.”

Catra’s glare hardened for a moment, scaring Adora, before she softened and broke out into a small smile, though it looked strained as she said, “Thanks, Adora. I forgive you. Now, can we go? I’ve been thinking about this stupid movie all day.”

Relieved, Adora smiled back. Maybe she wasn’t hopeless. “That sounded a little like sarcasm.”

Catra led her to the door. “Sarcasm? From me? No way, doesn’t sound right.”

…

Catra was worried about going to the movie. She thought, based on the frivolity of the content of the movie (horror never really fazed Catra), that all she’d be doing to occupy herself was thinking about her impending meeting with Prime and what that would entail. What could he possibly want from her? The answer was right there in front of her, but she wouldn’t allow herself to get that far ahead. First, meet with Prime. Maybe what he wanted was completely harmless. Not likely, but a nice thought. 

Lucky enough for her, Adora’s presence seemed to be far more distracting than any movie could have ever been, and for very conflicting reasons.

The first reason, Adora had asked her about Hordak. She had seen Hordak come to her trailer and had asked her about it, not even knowing that she was implicated in what Hordak wanted from Catra. That was not good. Under no circumstance could Catra think of a good reason that Adora should know anything about what an ‘acquaintanceship’ with Hordak really meant. She had successfully cut Adora off from the conversation now, but knowing she was going to probably get more and more enmeshed in whatever Hordak and Prime were doing, Adora was going to have more questions. So, Catra had to be more careful. She had to keep Adora out of it. 

The second reason Adora was so distracting is because Catra could tell that Adora kept wanting to touch her, and then at the last minute would pull back like she thought better of it. Adora was a lot worse than Catra was at dealing with horror movies, and at every jump scare she reached out her hand across the armrest, towards Catra’s hand, before pulling it back quickly into her own lap, her fists impossible tight to the point where her knuckles were white. It looked horribly uncomfortable. 

So, Catra prepared herself, and the next time a predictable jump scare came along and Adora stretched out her hand in fear, Catra grabbed her hand before Adora could pull it back. She rested her hand, intertwined now with Adora’s, back in her own lap. Catra’s eyes were focused on the screen, but she could feel Adora’s eyes on her. 

“Better?” Catra whispered. She could feel Adora’s smile, feel the squeeze of her hand as a response. With every subsequent jump scare, Adora’s grip on her hand only tightened. Towards the end of the movie, the grip had gotten to be a little bit painful, but Catra didn’t mind. It grounded her, allowed her to focus on the weight in her hand rather than the weight hanging over her head. Adora had always had that affect on her. 

With her free, Catra reached across Adora, hearing her catch her breath, and took her pop. She sucked at the straw for a few seconds, before replacing it in the cupholder. Adora’s mouth had dropped open in protest. “Hey!” she whisper-yelled, “You said you didn’t want any.”

Catra smirked at her. “Consider it payment. You’re crushing my hand.”

Adora had started to apologize and pull her hand away, but Catra didn’t let it out of her grip, keeping their intermingled hands firmly in her lap. “I didn’t say you had to let go.”

Again, Adora smiled at her. This time, Catra met it with a smile of her own. Besides, she was getting just as much out of hand holding as Adora probably was. 

When the movie was over and Adora had untensed a little bit, they walked back out to the parking lot, the sun in contrast to the dark movie theater making the world feel like a whole other realm. Catra hadn’t let go of Adora’s hand until they got to the car, and Adora didn’t move to break their grip either. They reluctantly let each other go to climb into the car, and then Adora started the engine and took them back towards the trailer park. 

They were silent for the ride home. It was only 5 minutes, and the silence was comfortable. Adora had plugged in a playlist to the pickup speakers, playing softly and filling the cab. The sun was on its descent, dousing them in a soft glow of light. Catra felt warm, both from the beams of sun streaming through the windshield and the presence of Adora right next to her. Yet, she couldn’t shake the nagging voice in the back of her mind reminding her that she had a date with the literal devil in less than a week. She found herself wanting to grab hold of Adora’s hand again, just to feel her physical presence. To feel something grounding. To know that Adora was really there. But she didn’t. 

Adora pulled into the trailer park and put the pickup in park outside of Razz’s trailer, turning off the engine and turning towards Catra. She was looking at Catra so softly, affection evident in her face. The affection that filled Catra’s chest in return was offset a little by the churning in her stomach of how her affection could end up ruining Adora. She was walking along a tight rope, wanting to have Adora back in her life but not wanting to put her in any danger. 

Dropping Adora now wouldn’t accomplish anything, Hordak already knew about her. Catra just had to remain in control of the situation.

But God, that smile. Like it was meant just for Catra. 

“I had a really good time today,” Adora said softly. Neither of them had opened their door yet, so the music still played softly in the background. Adora lifted her hand to the back of her neck shyly. “And – uh… thanks for holding my hand. I thought I’d be better with scary movies but that was the first time I’d seen one since senior year.”

“Seriously? You haven’t seen any other horror films? I thought you liked them, we used to watch them all the time!”

Adora laughed nervously. “Yeah, well… I knew you liked them. And for a while there it was the only time I would allow myself to hold your hand. Which I regret, by the way.”

Buzzing erupts in Catra’s head at Adora’s words, temporarily expelling the dread she felt for the upcoming weekend. “Oh my God. You don’t even like scary movies? Why did we go to one? We could have literally seen anything else.”

Adora shrugged. “I figured you still liked them.”

Catra couldn’t help but cackle. “You are such an idiot.”

“I know.”

Silence. And with the silence came the dread and the memories and the knowledge of what was in store for Catra. Her stomach turned again, and she couldn’t help the smile fall from her face. Yes, Adora was a good distraction, but now she was also part of the problem. Catra would die before she let anything happen to Adora, even when they weren’t talking. And now that they were talking again, the feeling was only intensified. 

Adora had developed a worried look in her eye, leaning over the center console towards Catra and studying her face. “Hey Catra?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want to push, but… are you okay? You’ve been kinda quiet today.”

Catra couldn’t help but quirk her lips a little at Adora’s qualifier, one she thought she’d be hearing pretty frequently from now on. She sighed. “I’m fine, ‘Dora. Just stressed.”

Adora nodded thoughtfully. “About anything in particular?”

Catra smiled at her lightheartedly, “Yeah, a big dumb blonde keeps asking me questions I don’t have the answer to.”

Adora didn’t seem to be able to note the playful tone. She frowned. “Jesus, I’m doing it again. I’m sorry. I’m just wor – I don’t want whatever…” she motioned between her and Catra, “this is to be stressful for you. A friendship shouldn’t be stressful.”

God, Adora was cute, Catra thought. She immediately nipped that thought in the bud. “Look, Adora, we just came back into each other lives. I’m still learning how to… I don’t know, be around you.” Before Adora could freak out at that, Catra added, “That doesn’t mean I don’t want to be around you! I do, so much,” she didn’t mean to say that. Just push on, Catra. “But that’s going to induce a little stress. We aren’t as familiar with each other as we used to be.”

“That’s an understatement,” Adora cracked, but then her face immediately went red. 

Catra chuckled. “Yeah, it is. And anyways, it’s not really you I’m stressing about. It’s just… a lot of other things going on right now that I don’t want to bore you with. Really, it’s nothing. I promise.”

Adora studied her, still leaned over the center console, face just inches from Catra. She looked unconvinced, but Catra knew she wouldn’t push. She had finally drilled that into that big blonde brain. 

Adora squinted her eyes and pursed her lips at Catra, giving her an almost comically skeptical look. It worked, Catra chuckled. It caused Adora to break a little into a smile. But she quickly schooled her face again. “Good. But if you are stressed about something or have something specific you want to talk about or just want to talk at all, I’m here. You know that,” Adora said, quickly adding on, “Um, you’re not obligated too, obviously! Maybe you have other friends you can talk to about that stuff. But, just, you know, as a last resort or something, I’m here. I like boring, too, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Catra couldn’t help the wide grin splitting her lips. “You are unbelievable sometimes, you know that.”

Adora smiled back at her, sheepishly. “I’m sorry. Old habits die hard?”

Catra snickered at her, feeling herself inching closer to Adora, pulled into her warm and grounding orbit. She could be so frustratingly overbearing one minute and so attentive and caring the next. It made Catra’s head spin, but it also made her want to be around Adora as much as possible. “It’s not necessarily a bad thing. All the time, anyway.”

“I bet you secretly like how considerate and patient I can be,” Adora whispered, smiling wickedly and leaning forward even more.

Catra squinted her eyes, “Mmmm, I wouldn’t call what you are ‘considerate and patient.’”

Adora matched her gaze, “Well than what would you call it.”

Their faces were so close now. Close enough that Catra could feel Adora’s warm breath against her face when Adora spoke. Just a little twitch forward, and Catra would once again know what Adora tasted like. She wondered whether Adora would taste the same, or if it had changed in the past five years. She hoped it didn’t.

“Overbearing and pushy,” she breathed. God, she couldn’t stay away. This was not good. They had just become friends again. They had only hung out once in a friendly capacity in the last five years. They were still working on themselves. It had been so fucking long, Catra shouldn’t be feeling this way. She shouldn’t want Adora to just bite the bullet and lean in and kiss her already. She shouldn’t want Adora to pull her over to her side of the car and onto her lap. She shouldn’t want to end the night and start the morning in her bed, Adora nestled up behind her. 

Adora’s breath hitched as Catra’s own ghosted over her lips. One more centimeter, and their lips would be brushing. It wouldn’t be so bad, would it? One kiss, just to get it out of her system. Catra could deal with that. 

“Catra…” Adora practically moaned, and something sparked between Catra’s legs. 

But the universe was out to get her, or maybe save her, because before either of them could close the distance the front door to Razz’s trailer slammed open and the old lady made her way down the stairs, shouting, “Mara, dearie! I need you to run to the store! I don’t have chicken broth and I need it for dinner!”

The two girls in the car flew apart as soon as the trailer door open and were now both pressed against opposite doors, as far away from each other as they could get. “Fuck, Razz,” Catra heard Adora mumble. She rolled down the window. “Okay, Razz, I’ll go get it in a minute.”

“No, now! Dinner!”

“Razz, I’m talking to Catra. Just give me a minute.”

Something like giddiness washed over Razz, “Oh, Catra dearie! I didn’t see you! Okay, take your time Adora! But not too much time. I need chicken broth!”

“Okay, Razz,” Adora said, and then rolled up the window. Catra released a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding as Adora slowly turned back towards her. 

“So,” Adora said simultaneously with Catra’s, “I’m sorry.”

Adora shook her head, “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

Catra felt that thing nagging at the back of her brain during the movie starting to completely take over. This is exactly what she couldn’t allow. She could be friends with Adora, sure. Nothing bad could come of that. Anything more, and the target already present on Adora’s back because of Catra would only grow. Besides, she wasn’t even fully sure if she had forgiven Adora for everything yet. Or if she forgave herself for everything she did to Adora. 

No matter what, that pull Adora always had over Catra was still there. Catra had to mitigate that as much as possible. “No, I do. We shouldn’t – we can’t do that.”

“I know,” Adora said, somewhat solemnly. Was she… sad about that? Catra allowed herself to wonder for only a second before breaking that train of thought. It didn’t matter. It couldn’t happen. Not while Prime… Catra shut that down too. Not ever. 

“Adora, look at me.” Icy blue eyes rose to meet her own. She offered Adora a reassuring smile. “We’re cool, okay. You and me, we know how to be friends. We were friends for, like, 300 years before anything else. I want to get back to that.”

Adora returned her smile. “Me too.”

“Good, now go get that chicken broth before Razz can get to her broom. And save me some of whatever she’s making, okay?”

“Okay,” Adora agreed. And with that, Catra exited the car and made her way to her own trailer. Adora began pulling out of the trailer park, offering one last wave to Catra before disappearing down the road.

Catra watched, her hand suspended in a wave, a smile pasted onto her face, and the thought of all the horrible things that may be in store for her come the weekend at the hands of Prime, and if she didn’t play this right, maybe for Adora too. Her stomach churned violently. 

She just made it to the bathroom in time to empty the measly contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl. 

…

AUGUST 16, SENIOR YEAR

“This is so dumb,” Catra muttered, seated in the criss-cross positition across from Adora in a small closet in some acquaintance’s home for a party Catra had been dragged to by Adora, Glimmer, and Bow. 

“Come on, Catra. Relax. They’re just having a little fun with us. It’s our last party as juniors,” Adora said excitedly, patting Catra’s knees, looking at her with wide eyes like ‘can you believe we start our senior year in less than a week?’

Catra could, in fact, believe it. She was dreading it. She had been over school for some time now, just wanted it to be over with. The only reason she hadn’t dropped out already, though she was hesitant to admit, was because being in school meant she got to see Adora every day. 

“Jesus, you and I turn 18 in less than a month. Don’t you think it’s a little immature to have fun with us by forcing us to play a child’s game like ‘Seven Minutes in Heaven?’” Catra groaned. She was exactly mad she was stuck in a closet with Adora. In fact, many dreams she had recently started out this very way. But Adora didn’t need to know that, ever. So that fantasy actually materializing right in front of her was making her a little uncomfortable. Sure, she wasn’t kidding anyone, she wasn’t straight. Not in the slightest bit. But Adora was. Adora would never want her like Catra wanted Adora. And so, she was resigned to her dreams and the friendship Adora did offer her. 

“It’s not like we have to do anything. We can just sit here. No biggie,” Adora shrugged, still smiling and so self-assured. Catra groaned again. That fucking smile would end up killing her someday. 

“Ugh, I’m sorry you got stuck in here with me. You would probably much rather be in here with Dylan. At least that would make it a bit more interesting.”

To Catra’s surprise, Adora looked disgusted. “Ew. God no. He smells. And that stupid peach fuzz mustache? No, thanks.” Her smiled widened. “Don’t worry, I’d much rather be in here with you.”

Catra couldn’t stop the flare of… something flaring in her chest at Adora’s words. She found herself smiling back at Adora. “I just thought maybe you liked him. I saw you talking to him earlier. Even saw him give you a piece of gum. So romantic.”

“I was just being nice, Catra. You should try it some time.”

“To Dylan. Uh, no thanks.”

Adora punched her playfully on the arm. Despite the dim lighting in the closet, Catra could see the glint in Adora’s impossibly blue eyes. “Maybe he just thought my breath smelled.”

“He wouldn’t be wrong,” Catra joked, and Adora mock gasped in betrayal. “Or… maybe he wanted to kiss you later. Better to kiss someone with minty breath than someone with the breath of whatever the hell spiked lemonade you’re drinking.”

Adora just shook her head. “Wouldn’t know. I’ve never kissed anyone.”

“Really?” Catra couldn’t help but sound shocked. Adora looked up at her, amused.

“Yeah, that really so hard to believe?” 

Catra scoffed, “Uh, yeah, kind of. You have dudes like Dylan drooling all over you all the time. I thought you’d make up your mind about one of them at some point.”

“I have no interest in them,” Adora looked her in the eye with an intensity Catra had not seen yet but would become a staple of how Adora looked at Catra in the coming future. Catra watched in somewhat of confused silence as Adora turned her look to study the door. For a few moments, she just sat like that, considering the door, before turning back to Catra. “Look, I…”

“What’s up, Princess?” Catra said, and Adora’s eyes snapped up at the nickname. A pang of heat made its way through Catra’s stomach. 

“Well… I don’t mean to be weird or anything. But, um… well, we’re in a closet, alone. I’ve never kissed anyone and there’s no one I trust more than you. So, maybe…”

Catra was paralyzed. Is she asking what I think she’s asking, she thought, not even trying to stop herself from looking down at Adora’s lips. She noticed that Adora was inching closer incrementally, leaning slowly forward on her hands. She kept going, causing Catra to catch her breath, until her breath hit Catra’s face and her lips were only a few centimeters away from her own. She hesitated, only a second, before ghosting her lips over Catra’s. Something ignited between them, and Catra felt like she was able to see clearly for the first time in her whole entire life. It didn’t matter what else was going on in her life, she had Adora. It was Adora. It was always Adora. 

“Can I kiss you?” Adora asked almost silently, her breath whispering against Catra’s lips. 

Catra inhaled, taking in the breath she had not allowed herself as Adora moved closer, before letting out a breath ‘yes’ when she exhaled. 

Then, a commotion on the other side of the door caused Adora to jump back to the other side of the closet with an utter look of fear present in her eye, as if she almost got caught doing something unforgivable. 

Muffled voices from unknown sources rang through the door. “Oh my God, do you think they’re actually doing it?”

“That’s so kinky.”

“Wish I could watch.”

“Dude, they’re not doing it, are you kidding?”

“Come on, they’re always all over each other. I bet they’re fucking in secret.”

“Guys, shut up, I’m trying to hear if anything is happening!”

Adora looked at Catra from across the closet, eyes and body crumpled in fear and nervousness. Catra watched her, not knowing what to do. Adora just sat there with her mouth slightly agape, throat bobbing as she swallowed and tried to compose herself. Catra sat stock still. 

Finally, Adora cleared her throat, closing her mouth and fixing her face so that its expression was neutral. Something in Catra’s stomach dropped. “Whew, that was weird. Ha, um, sorry. You’re right. This is a stupid game. We can, uh… we can just forget this ever happened.”

“Okay,” Catra said quietly. Not likely, she thought. Adora straightened her posture and gave her one head nod, before pushing herself up into standing position and knocking on the door.

“Alright, it’s been seven minutes. Let us out.”

Catra remained sitting on the floor, dumbstruck, as the door opened, flooding the closet with light. Adora walked out and was immediately surrounded by a gaggle of boys, questioning her on what it was like to kiss a girl and if she liked if and if they did anything more than just kiss, etc. 

Adora put up placating hands, shaking her head in mock annoyance as she laughed, “Nothing happened, you dumbasses. My advice, grow up, or else none of you will have any chance with girls in the future.”

“Oh, Adora’s got some sass now that she’s kissed a girl,” one boy joked.

“Didn’t kiss her, Patrick.” 

“Why? Saving yourself for Dylan?” another boy said. 

Adora joked along with them, making light of the situation. Meanwhile, Catra felt a wave of something inexplicable wash over her. Something she felt every time she woke up on Christmas morning only to find Shadow passed out underneath the tree instead of any presents. No, she couldn’t put a finger on what the feeling was, but she knew hated it. And she didn’t have the energy to try and hide that feeling. Not tonight. 

And so, she sat there, trying not to cry, alone and in a closet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The girls get interrupted! Twice! Heh, sorry, I love the build up. Also, poor Catra. Girl can't catch a break, but then again neither can I so if I'm gonna suffer than that's gonna bleed through I guess.


	10. Trapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra and Adora talk. Adora meets Bow. Catra meets Prime. Some shit goes down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, this took longer than expected. But I'm back now, so here's this. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Things were going well with Adora and Catra for the next few days. So well that for the next two mornings, Catra had been out front of her trailer, sitting in her chair with her book, waiting with two cups of coffee. Every time Adora would walk out of apartment and Catra would motion her over, and the two would sit in relative (though comfortable) silence and sip at their own respective mugs. 

Adora would talk absentmindedly at the different volunteer projects she was lining up or the vendors she was trying to secure for an upcoming fundraiser. Catra would respond every once in a while, chiming in with the goings on at the diner, but for the most part was quiet and distant. Though she smiled, Adora could see something behind it. She just seemed… off somehow. But then again, maybe Adora didn’t know her that well anymore. Maybe that’s just the way Catra was now.

But Adora couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right. Catra had even toned down the snark exponentially. No way, not even with this new and improved Catra, would that ever happen if everything was all peachy keen. 

Despite things not feeling completely one hundred percent, she found herself learning how to communicate casually with Catra again without saying the wrong thing or making a fool of herself. Well, she still did sometimes, but she definitely caught herself faster. 

For example, somewhat absentmindedly, Adora brought up the prospect of college. “Have you ever thought about going back to school?”

She didn’t have to look at Catra to hear her annoyance already making an appearance, she just needed to hear the sigh and the book slam down onto the table. “No, I have not.”

Adora was nervous, but she asked anyway, “Um… can I ask why? Are you gonna work at the diner for your whole life?”

“God, I should have known this was coming.” Catra then physically turned her whole body towards Adora, clasped her hands together, and gave her a stern look. “Hey Adora, wanna have one of those talks you’re so fond of having?”

“Uh… sure?” this didn’t sound like it was headed in the right direction.

“Good, listen close. Where did you grow up?”

“Um, Etheria?”

“Specifically.”

“The Whispering Woods.”

“Right. And isn’t that the most affluent neighborhood in Etheria?”

“I think so.”

“It is. And where did I grow up?”

“Um… in this trailer park.”

“Yep. Now, I know for a fact Mara always got on you about going to college and getting a degree, yada yada yada, and that was really the only path you thought was viable. Look around you. That wasn’t the case for me. I didn’t grow up with college as a given. In fact, I didn’t even think it was possible until you started talking about it.”

“Yeah, and we talked about going together all the time. I thought you wanted to.”

“Well, when you made it seem like it was the only option, I thought I had to. But then I started thinking about it. College was money that I didn’t have, and there was no degree I really wanted to get that catered to my talents or my goals. It wasn’t worth it. And I hated school. But just because I didn’t follow the same cookie cutter path that you did doesn’t mean I’m not just as hard working or ambitious as you. Just because fucking wealthy society tells you that you need to go to college to get a good job to be happy doesn’t matter to me. That’s not gonna make me happy and I know that. I’m not here to please society. I’m here to get where I want to get. To do what I want to do. To reach the goals I set for myself. Get it?”

“Yeah.”

“And sure, I’m working at the diner now because I want to make money. It’s a good job, has good hours so I can work hard on the other things that I like to do, like painting and playing music. I have plans for those. I have goals. I’m working towards them. Admittedly, I hit a bit of a rough patch there coming out of high school, mostly due to my dependence on our relationship. But I’ve grown since then. I’ve gone to therapy. The whole fucking nine yards or whatever. But my path has never been linear. There was always gonna be bumps in the road, from the day I got lucky enough to pop out of Shadow’s uterus. But I’m happy with it. I’m working hard towards my goals, and no, that doesn’t include become the CEO of some charitable nonprofit or whatever you want to do with your part time fundraising job. That doesn’t mean I’m not working towards anything, okay? College was never in my cards, and it didn’t need to be.”

A momentary pause. “I’m sorry for being so dumb,” Adora said sincerely. Catra, who had turned back in her chair to face the street, glanced back towards her. 

“You’re not dumb. Most of the time. What did you think I do in my trailer all day when I’m not at work? Just sit around, petting Melog and smoking cigarettes?”

Adora shook her head. “No! No, of course not. I mean, I know you read a lot. And the paintings.” 

Catra shrugged at her, pulling her feet up onto the chair and resting her chin on her knee. “My life isn’t perfect, but whose is? I’m happy with where I’m at. I’m happy about how far I’ve come. And I know I can keep going further. I’ve made mistakes, but I picked myself back up and kept at it, you know? Are you exactly where you thought you’d at 23?”

Hell, who was Adora kidding, it’s not like her path was all that linear either. Catra had only said it in passing, but it was true, she worked part time at a nonprofit making pennies. It’s definitely not where she thought she’d be after graduating college. Definitely not what she’d imagined growing up with mountains of expectations in high school. But she found something she loved doing while also having the ability to take care of Razz. And she was proud of it. “No, I’m not.”

“Life doesn’t go always according to plan. Makes it more interesting, I guess.”

Adora took a breath. “So, what are your goals?”

Catra flashed her a genuine smile, sharp canines and everything. Adora had never seen anything more beautiful. “I want to write songs. Like, for money. I’ve performed in some bars every once and a while with my own stuff, and it’s gotten good feedback. I’m just trying to save up some money first so I can get off the ground. Then there’s also the paintings, I’m thinking about focusing more on that too. An old friend has a bar that displays local paintings in their front window to sell. She asked me to show some of mine.”

Adora had not seen Catra so sincerely excited to talk about something since she had reconnected with her. Adora felt her own cheeks start to go sore from smiling in response to Catra. “Wait, Lonnie?”

“Yeah, you been to her bar?”

“A while ago. That’s great, Catra. Those paintings always sell so quickly.” 

Catra had continued for a little bit talking about her plans, and Adora sat there encouraging her excitedly, giving input now and again. Maybe old Adora would have continued to push on the college point, try to convince Catra that her quality of life would only approve if she got a degree and got a job that paid good money. But not this Adora, not when seeing Catra so incredibly happy about the future, passion overtaking her voice and causing her to gesticulate wildly. 

Catra seemed proud of what she was doing too. It made Adora glad. And Adora got to learn more about Catra in the process.

By the time Friday rolled around, Adora was sat at a two-person table in a small coffee shop near her office scrolling through her phone. She had recently rediscovered Catra’s Instagram page, or had recently found out that Catra had unblocked her (‘when did that happen?’ she thought). Her feed was pretty simple, filled with cute pics of Melog or of her various paintings. Only a couple of photos contained Catra herself, and never by herself, always with Scorpia. No one else. That creepy guy from the other day that went into Catra’s trailer didn’t make an appearance.

Who the fuck was that?

“Adora!” a yell came from the front of the coffee shop. Adora looked up from her phone and saw Bow jumping up and down excitedly, waving a hand. In his other hand was his phone, one earbud in his ear and the other hanging down his chest. 

Adora waved back as Bow made his way over. She pushed a mug to towards the chair across from her. 

“I got you your usual,” she said when he sat down.

“Ooo, thanks,” he said, clasping his hands together before taking a sip, looking satisfied. 

Adora smiled. Suddenly, Bow’s eyes went wide, and he handed Adora the free earbud, whispering, “It’s Glimmer.”

Adora took the earbud and stuck it in her ear. “Hey Glim.”

“How’s Catra?”

“Oh, I’m doing good. Works going well. Thanks for asking.”

Bow chuckled at Adora’s annoyed tone. Glimmer’s was set in stone. “Bitch, you know I don’t care about that. Y’all had your talk, right? Since you’re not shut in your room or laying dramatically on my bed, I’m assuming it went decently well.”

“It is.”

“Why are you being so tight-lipped about this?”

Adora sighed. “Glim, really, there’s not much to say. We talked; it went well. We went to a movie together. We have coffee in the morning sometimes. Nothing revelationary has happened. And as soon as it does, you’ll be the first to know.”

Glimmer basically squawked, throwing both Bow and Adora off a little. “You went to a movie together! Just the two of you! And that’s not revelationary! Adora, you went on a fucking date with your ex! I told you! You just had to let her come to you!”

“Jesus Glimmer,” Adora muttered, cleaning up the drips of spilled coffee caused by her outburst. “First of all, it was a friend date. We were friends above everything else.” Adora ignored the way Bow cleared his throat at that, but she did shoot him a glare. “It was only a friendly hang out between two old friends and not a date between two exes.”

“Tell that to the homoerotic tension that literally pours off the two of you whenever you’re in a room together,” Glimmer sniped. 

Adora had enough. “Okay, you know what, Glimmer, I think we’re breaking up. I can’t hear your completely unhelpful comments.”

“Adora, don’t you dare-“ but she had already taken out the earbud and pressed the end call button on Bow’s phone, looking up at him in a challenge. Bow just shrugged and smiled sheepishly, taking a sip of his latte. 

Finally, she sighed. “I don’t know how someone can be so helpful one minute and so unhelpful the next.”

“She gets fired up. Sometimes that’s what you need and sometimes it really, really isn’t,” Bow supplied. Adora nodded in agreeance, then put her head down to rest on her arms on the table. Bow looked at her, slightly concerned. “Everything alright over there?”

Adora groaned into her arms. “I thought things would be different. I’m different! I’ve grown so much. And she’s certainly different. We’re both so much more mature now then we were back in high school. So, it should be different, right? We should be able to be friends.”

“Adora, I gotta say, I’m not really following.”

Adora raised her head and rubbed at the back of her neck while Bow studied her expectantly. Adora swallowed. “I like her, Bow. I feel the same way I did about her back in high school. Why is that? I haven’t seen her for five years. We hurt each other. I hurt her. But God, I just… wanna be with her. And I don’t know how long a can keep up just being friends with her, because everyday we’re just friends it’s just another reminder that I messed up. I ruined my chance. And she doesn’t want me like I want her, not anymore.”

During Adora’s rambling, Bow had placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and was rubbing soothing circles on the bone there. When she was done, he removed his hand. “Adora, breath. You guys have just reconnected. Maybe give it a little time, she might feel the same way.”

Adora shook her head. “I already fucked that up bad, Bow. She’ll never want to be with me again after everything in high school.”

“Why don’t you let her decide that. Remember that advice Glimmer gave you about not pushing and let Catra be the one to kind of open up? Well, I think the same goes for assuming. Let her tell you something before you take it as true just because you think that’s what she’s thinking.”

“That connotes me telling her about my feelings.”

Bow nodded, lips pursed. “Maybe. Maybe she beats you to it.”

She scoffed. “Doubt that.” Bow raised his eyebrows, probably about her continuing to assume despite his warnings. Adora raised her hands. “Either way, I can’t tell her. Not right now. I just got her back. The sooner I tell her the sooner she has the chance of ending it. You know that whole Schrödinger’s Cat thing. I can’t risk it. I’m not ready to.”

“You don’t have to be, Adora. There is no timeline. If you don’t want to tell her right now, don’t tell her. But don’t go just taking for fact that she doesn’t have feelings for you too because that’s what you think. Maybe she doesn’t but let her tell you that.”

…

The dreaded day had arrived and Catra never felt less ready. She was nauseous and hadn’t slept well the past couple of nights. Not even Melog could comfort her. Adora, when having coffee with her, had provided some amount of distraction just to get through the last few days. But as the meeting time crept closer and closer, the sense of foreboding shadowing Catra wherever she went grew to the point where it was permeating every aspect of her day.

The Spire was a fancy restaurant just outside the Whispering Woods in the wealthy part of town. It would take Catra forever to ride her bike all the way over there, mostly because she’d have to take a bunch of backgrounds. If she had a car, she could just hop on the interstate and get there in a fraction of the time. But she didn’t have a car.

Though she knew someone who did. 

“Hey Scorp,” Catra leaned in through the open passenger window. The summer was coming to an end, but no one told the weather that. The humid air felt like jello as Catra opened the door and slid into the car. She was expecting the relief of air conditioning. She didn’t get it. She was walking into a bear trap willingly and she was going to do it drowning in sweat. 

Scorpia looked at her apologetically. “Hey Wildcat. Sorry about the air conditioning. Broke a week ago, haven’t had a chance to take it to the shop.”

“No worries Scorpia,” Catra breathed. “Let’s just get this thing going so we get some air movement.”

Scorpia nodded in agreeance. “To the Spire.”

The car ride was mostly silent, but Catra could feel Scorpia throwing her concerned glances here and there. She could feel the willpower exuding off Scorpia in trying to not question Catra on what she was doing. She could tell that the threads that were left were fraying. 

She was right. Five minutes away from the restaurant, Scorpia burst. “So, what’s going on at the Spire?”

Catra smiled. Scorpia knew a little of her past, sure. But even she didn’t know the extent of it or of how deep Shadow’s, and by proxy, her connections went in the underground dealings around Etheria. Catra was going to keep it that way as much as possible. 

“Early dinner with an old acquaintance.”

“At the Spire?” Scorpia wasn’t stupid, Catra knew that. It was no secret that the Spire was the headquarters of the Horde, the outfit that dealt in drugs and weapons trafficking, amongst other illegal activities. And it was probably the fanciest and most expensive restaurants in Etheria. Not a place Catra usually frequented. 

“I’m treating myself,” Catra told her. 

“Wildcat…” She had a worried look on her face. “What’s going on?”

“Look, I know you’re worried, and I appreciate it. But everything is fine. I have everything under control. Just tying up some loose ends. Okay?”

Scorpia, not looking convinced, pulled into the parking lot of the Spire and parked the car. She turned towards Catra. “Listen, Catra, you don’t have to tell me what’s going on. I know you probably have a reason for that, and I know we only really know each other through working at the diner. If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine.”

“Thanks for understanding, Scorp-“

“But,” of course there was a ‘but,’ “do you have someone you feel safe going to? This isn’t sitting right with me, and you’ve been off a little lately. I think you should tell someone what’s going on, just so you don’t have to go through things alone, you know? You’re not alone. Or you don’t have to be.”

She did, though. In order to keep everyone safe, in order to make sure her past choices don’t come back to haunt anyone else, she had to deal with this alone. She had to keep this to herself. But, part of her considered telling Adora, having the comfort of knowing the extent of Shadow’s evil permeating into Catra’s adult life. Having someone to lament to when things got hard. Prime certainly would want something, this wasn’t the end of her affiliation with him, Catra knew that. Having Adora to go to felt like an indulgence she couldn’t allow herself. She had, while probably indirectly, gotten herself into this mess. She couldn’t drag anyone else into it, and she didn’t deserve comfort through it. 

Catra gave Scorpia a tight-lipped smile and opened the door. “Thanks for the ride. I’ll think about it, okay?”

Then she shut the door and walked into the lion’s den. 

..

OCTOBER 4, SENIOR YEAR

Catra was plastered. It was the first time she had attended a party without Adora, Glimmer, or Bow and she took advantage, or disadvantage, or not having their gatekeeping ways around in what she was drinking. They had holed up for the weekend to study for the upcoming AP Calc test, but Catra had little interest in doing that. She also didn’t want to be at home with Shadow, who was no doubt plastered in her own right. So, when Flynn, a recent acquaintance who offered certain perks in helping Catra forget about her problems, mentioned a party at some football player’s house happening that weekend, Catra was quick to agree to go. 

Flynn had picked her up at the gas station adjacent to the trailer park (he didn’t know the reason she told him she’d meet him there was because of the proximity to where she lived) and drove her to the ‘good’ part of town. They smoked a joint together on the way, laughing and joking about the thick-skulled and dimwit jocks and cheerleaders they were no doubt going to make fun of when they got there. 

Catra had other ulterior motives for going to the party. For one, she had plenty of things that happened to her in the past week that she wholeheartedly wanted to forget. Not only did she want to get out of the house to get away from Shadow for the night, she wanted to completely eject the memory of Shadow for the past week. 

It had started on Monday, when Shadow’s dealer, Hordak, had come to the trailer to drop of Shadow’s ‘medication’ and stayed to partake in said ‘medication’ with Shadow. He stayed for a couple of hours, all the while staring creepily at Catra while she did homework at the kitchen table. Eventually, she had gotten up to finish the homework in her room when she got too uncomfortable to focus under his gaze, but she could still hear the muffled voices of Shadow and Hordak through the wall.

Hordak had mentioned bringing Catra into the ‘business.’ He said that it would be a good way to expand into the high school. Shadow had been dismissive, but didn’t completely shut down the idea, and after Hordak left and Catra had gotten hungry enough to venture out into the main room, Shadow was passed out on the couch. 

Tuesday was normal, Catra hadn’t even seen Shadow. But when Wednesday rolled around and Catra was making her way home on her bike after leaving Adora’s house, she was stopped by a familiar voice. It was Hordak, waiting for her outside the trailer. He mentioned what he had brought up to Shadow on Monday, saying that some big honcho named Prime had approved of the plan, and told her what she had to do. 

Catra was terrified. She didn’t know Hordak that well outside his connection to Shadow, and when she had come across him, she always got a bad gut feeling that reverberated through her whole body. Catra refused. She didn’t want to sell fucking drugs to her classmates, didn’t want to be that girl. Sure, she had become friends with Flynn. He was a drug dealer. But he was small fish. What Hordak wanted to bring her into was some big-time criminal empire. 

So, Catra refused, and at that moment Shadow walked up, slurring her words from her time at the bar, and assured Hordak that Catra would go along with the plan. Hordak left, and Shadow promptly passed out on the couch. Catra thought that was it, she could keep a low profile and not have to fall into whatever it was Hordak wanted her to do. She even felt relatively grateful to Shadow for getting her out of the situation.

Turns out, that wasn’t Shadow’s intent at all. Catra didn’t end up going to school on Thursday. She was going to, waking up early to get ready and meet Adora beforehand to maybe make out a little in Adora’s car before the parking lot filled up. That had been the plan. But Shadow surprised Catra by being up already.

She had grabbed Catra on the upper arm, hard, and informed her that she was never to outright refuse Hordak like that ever again. Shadow told her that she needed help paying the bills, needed to get back in Prime’s good graces, and so Catra would do what Hordak wanted her to. She was screaming in Catra’s face, stale alcohol still wafting from her breath. Catra, despite being scared, was angry enough to refuse yet again. That was when Shadow wound up and slapped Catra across the face, telling Catra she didn’t have a choice and that she would call Hordak today to tell him to deliver what Catra was to sell when he came over on Monday. 

And that was that. Shadow left the trailer, and Catra, miserable and her face stinging, curled up onto her bed and spent the whole day there, not even able to bring tears to her eyes. Instead, she just stared blankly at her wall, ignoring the incessant buzzing of her phone, no doubt calls and texts from Adora. She went back to school on Friday and jumped at the chance when Flynn brought up the party. 

Catra was more than ready for an escape. 

And now that she was there at the party with Flynn, sitting on the kitchen counter and people watching, knocking back shot after shot, she felt the memories of the pass week slowly start to fade away. She had gotten herself to just the perfect level of drunk that things were hazy and all she was focused was the snipy quips her and Flynn were trading back and forth about the people that came and went through the kitchen. She didn’t stop there, though. The memories were still on the periphery of her mind, and every once in a while, when there was a moment of quiet, it would come rushing back. So she kept drinking, and kept drinking, and kept drinking until she could barely stand strait and was slurring her words almost incoherently. 

Catra knew she was in Adora’s neighborhood. She didn’t tell Flynn when she was leaving, didn’t really know she was going to until she refocused and realized she was standing in Adora’s yard. Then she blacked out again. 

And woke up in Adora’s bed. 

She didn’t know where she was at first, just clocking that it was so warm, and comfortable, and safe. Her head pounded, her throat was dry, her eyes seemed glued shut from what must have been tried tears from last night. Everything hurt. But God was it warm. 

Then, a familiar voice that intensified the warmth through Catra’s body, “Catra, are you awake?”

There was a millisecond of peace. And then the memories of last night, of the past week, came rushing back to Catra and she realized who the voice belonged to, where she was, what she had done. She had fucked up, gotten fucked up, came to Adora and put her through dealing with an incoherent Catra while she was basically falling apart. She had messed up, and once again left Adora to pick up the pieces. 

Catra slowly peeled open her eyes and slowly turned her head to the side, clocking Adora’s concerned face, adorned with big, confused eyes, before bursting into tears, sobs racking through her chest. Adora was no doubt going to kick her out, tell her that she was fine taking care of Catra last night but that she didn’t want to deal with Catra like that anymore and maybe they should stop whatever was going on between them. Because clearly Catra had problems, and Adora had her own problems and couldn’t deal with Catra’s too. She was sure that Adora was going to take some space from Catra, pull away because of what she saw last night, though Catra couldn’t even remember. She was going to lose Adora, she was going to have to go through everything alone. She was going to be alone. 

She shut her eyes tightly, turning her head away from Adora and putting her hands over her face and pressing down tightly, the tears coming even harder now as the thoughts spiraled in her mind. Then, she felt a weight on top of her. Hands wrapped around her wrist and pried her hands away from her face.

“Look at me,” Adora said in a soft voice. Catra slowly opened her eyes, tears blurring her vision. She saw that Adora had gotten on top of her, the length of her body laying over top of Catra’s. The weight probably should have felt heavy, but it didn’t. It felt comforting, grounding. “Shhhhhhh, I’m here.”

Adora had taken her hands away from Catra’s wrists and placed them on either side of her face, thumbs stroking the wetness away from her cheeks before gently planting a kiss on the bride of Catra’s nose. 

“I’m here,” she whispered, lips brushing against Catra’s skin. Catra wrapped her arms around Adora’s back.

“Why?” she managed to choke out between sobs.

“Because you came to my house?” Adora joked, planting another kiss just above Catra’s right eyebrow. 

Catra sniffled, “You know what I mean.”

Adora smiled down at her with such affection that Catra could feel it in her bones. A small voice in the back of her mind told her she didn’t deserve it. But Adora stroked her cheeks gently, “Isn’t it obvious? And you call me a dummy.”

They stay like that for a while, staring at each other while Catra found her cool, finally managing to breath normally and clearly the last remnants of sobs from her throat. 

A couple more minutes later, Adora stated, “You weren’t at school on Thursday and you were acting weird on Friday.”

Catra nodded, “It’s been a weird week.”

Adora gently stroked her cheek, her blue eyes following her thumb. “You have a bruise here.”

“Ran into a door.”

Adora focused again on Catra’s eyes, lips pursing. “You gonna tell me what’s going on?”

Catra managed to smirk. “I can think of better ways we can spend our time.”

“Catra…”

“Adora…”

“You can talk to me.”

Catra sighed, the memories of the past week cycling through her brain in some sort of nightmare montage. She couldn’t unload all of that on Adora, not right now, not ever. Adora didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve all of Catra’s shit. “I really don’t want to talk about it right now, Adora. I just want to forget about it.”

Adora looked somewhat disappointed, a cute pout overtaking her face as she gazed down on Catra. She knew that Adora just wanted Catra to open up to her. They had always shared everything with each other. But the older she got the more real things became, the more weight everything had. Adora was never exposed to the kind of shit Catra was. And Catra was hellbent on not being the reason she would be exposed. 

She knew how to cheer Adora up. Planting a foot on the bed, in one fluid motion she flipped them, so she was on top of Adora, who didn’t give up that easy. For a few moments they wrestled, each trying to take control of the other, flipping back and forth and messing up the sheets as they play fought. 

Finally, Catra got on top and placed her full weight on top of Adora, who stopped fighting. A little breathlessly, Catra grinned, “Ha, pinned ya.”

“Whatever, Nala,” Adora mocked, gasping for breath too. She had a fake petulant look on her face. “I let you win.”

“Sure. ‘Nala,’ huh? Does that make you Simba?” Catra rasped. She never quite could get over the vision of Adora beneath her, the feel of their bodies pressed together. 

A huge smile overtook Adora’s face as she wrapped her arms around Catra and pulled her impossibly closer. “You know I just can’t wait to be king.”

Catra snorted and shoved the side of Adora’s face gently, “You are such a fucking dork. Why do I like you?”

Adora moved her hand from Catra’s back up to the back of Catra head, scratching at her scalp a little before pulling her head down into where Adora’s neck melds into her shoulder. “Because I’m amazing. And I like you too,” Adora hummed. And, seemingly satisfied with herself, added, “and maybe there’s a little part of you that wants to be a queen.”

“Shut up, idiot,” Catra nuzzled into Adora’s neck, blushing at the implications of her words, planting gentle kisses there as Catra relaxed her whole body on top of Adora’s. “’Dora?”

“Hmmm?” Adora hummed, kissing Catra on the forehead. 

“Can we just stay like this for a while? Stay here?” 

“Of course, Catra. For as you’d like. Forever, even, if you want,” Adora told her. Catra smiled against Adora’s neck. “Hey. Also, you know you can talk to me too. You don’t have to, but I’m here. I’m always going to be here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know, ‘Dora. Thanks.”

…

PRESENT

Catra walked into the fancy restaurant with an overwhelming sense of dread already sitting heavy on her chest. She didn’t even get two steps in the door when she was greeted by the host. The man obviously worked for Prime, considering the greasy mop of hair that sat on the very top of his head, the sides shaved. A clone, Catra had taken to calling them in high school. That stupid haircut was like their fucking uniform.

“Ah, Ms. Weaver. Prime is waiting for you, if you’d follow me please,” the man said in a clipped and formal voice, looking her up and down in a disapproving manner. With that, he turned around and led Catra deeper into the dim building, lit by several faux-candle lit chandeliers. The place was the nicest restaurant Catra had ever stepped foot in. There were mirrors along the walls, making the place look cavernous. There was glass décor everywhere, from the candles adorning the tables to the fine crystal wine glasses patrons were drinking out of. 

The serving staff were all wearing the same white suits. The restaurant goers themselves were dressed in formalwear. Catra had dressed up (relative to what she usually wore) for the occasion, but the wrinkled button down and black slacks still had her feeling entirely underdressed. The whole ambience of the place sent shivers down Catra’s spine and truly compounded the ominous feeling she couldn’t shake. 

The clone led Catra to a back room with one table in the center of it, a chandelier dangling low overhead. Catra’s boots clicked against the tile as she was escorted to the table, the clone holding out a chair for her. All the while, Prime stared at her devilishly, a small smirk playing at his thin lips. Catra glanced at the piano player in the corner, playing some unbearably melancholic tune. She sat down. The clone went to a waiting cart next to the wall and came back with a glass pitcher full of water, pouring a glass for both Prime and Catra, before making his leave. 

Catra’s throat was incredibly dry. Briefly, the thought passed in her mind that the water might be poisoned, before remembering that she wasn’t in some spy movie and if Prime wanted her dead, she’d be lying in a ditch somewhere already. She took a sip of water. 

“Little sister, it is so nice to see you again,” Prime said through a smile. Catra cringed at the moniker. Little sister. It was like he was a cult leader and not just the biggest crime boss/drug kingpin on this side of the Thaymor river. “You look well.”

Catra wanted to snark back, ‘ya, no thanks to you and your stupid goons.’ But she kept her mouth shut, sipped at her water. Better to let him get to whatever the hell he wanted instead of provoking him into it. He might not take too kindly to that. Might make it worse for her. 

Prime didn’t take his eyes off her, clearly clocking the uncomfortable and downright pissed look that she couldn’t keep off her face, despite her caution with her words. He seemed to smile even wider.

“Tell me, how is your dear mother?” 

And there it was. A direct question, meaning Catra had to answer. And a question meant to punish, no doubt. 

“Alive, I think,” she replied, keeping her voice monotone. She leveled her stare to Prime, wanted to show him that she wasn’t scared of him no matter how much he made her insides turn and twist in a premonition of something bad. 

“Ah, yes. A bright but weak woman brought down by drowning in the mires of drugs and alcohol,” Prime muses, hands pushed into a temple in front of his chin. “The business we are in is a lucrative but a dangerous one, no?”

“Wouldn’t know, I’m not in the business.”

At that moment, a different clone, the server, came in with a preselected bottle of red wine, a pristine white cloth draped over his forearm. Without saying a word, the clone popped the cork and poured a small splash of the wine into the crystal wine glass in front of Prime. Keeping his eyes on Catra, Prime lifted the glass, swirled the contents, and took a deep sniff. Then he took a sip, emptying the glass. After a moment of contemplation, Prime set the glass down and tore his eyes from Catra, smiling up at the clone and nodding. “That’ll do.”

The clone filled Prime’s glass before moving to hover over Catra’s, glancing at her questioningly, despite his face barely breaking from the neutral manner it seemed glued in. Catra shook her head no, and the server moved away to do something at the serving cart. 

When she shifted her eyes back to Prime, she found that he was already gazing intensely at her. “I see you are trying to extricate yourself from your own mires. I always worried about you, considering whose offspring you are. Shadow was useful, but as I said, she was weak. I can see that you have much more resolve than she ever gave you credit for.”

Catra came in here telling herself that she was not going to provoke Prime. She was going to let him go at his own pace, maybe lighten the blow. But she was getting impatient. “Why am I here, Prime?”

Instead of jumpstarting him like Catra had hoped, Prime just smiled and seemed more intent to linger on the silence. He slowly turned towards the waiter, who stood at attention. Catra glanced at the piano, the man there still dutifully playing, seemingly having no interest whatsoever was going on in the room around him. “Little brother, please bring us two of the specials. Medium rare.” With his orders, the man strode out of the room. 

“Prime.”

The smiling face turned back toward her. “Your tenacity is something to admire, Little Sister, but might be of detriment to you I this situation.”

“And why is that?”

“Because you, my dear, owe me. Do not be mistaken, it is not the other way around,” Prime said, as the smile on his face growing more sinister. 

Catra ground her teeth. “I don’t owe you anything. I never worked for you.”

Prime took a sip of his wine, allowing Catra time to grow angrier and angrier. By the time Prime set down his glance and once again regarded Catra, she was seething. “You are a smart girl. You know of the concept of inheritance. Well, Little Sister, I’ll let you in on a little secret. Shadow’s inheritance that she has bestowed upon you is a debt. To me. And just as I pay my debts, I expect those indebted to me do the same. And seeing as she is a little incapacitated at the moment, that duty falls to you.”

Catra swallowed roughly, unsure of what to say. She knew of the resources Prime had at his disposal. She knew of the damage Prime could cause in her life. That sat in silence for a while, Prime sipping at his wine and Catra struggling to get a deep breath without giving herself away. Prime’s gaze never left Catra. Though she was trying to match it, she was having a hard time. 

Minutes later and hyperventilation mostly avoided, the clone from earlier came in and refilled Prime’s glass. Again, he regarded Catra, who shook her head again. Although it was really, really hard to refuse. Then, the food came in. Two massive steaks accompanied by scalloped garlic potatoes and grilled asparagus were placed in front of them. Immediately, Prime dismissed the clone with a disinterested flick of his wrist and began sawing at the meat in front of him. He took a bite, chewing thoughtfully while gazing at Catra. 

Catra followed suit, still unsure what to do. She was caught between a rock and a hard place, and right now the only solution seemed to be not to move. 

“Delicious, yes?” Prime asked. Catra nodded lightly, staring at her food. If she could care enough to register the taste, she is sure it would be good. Prime regarded her for a long moment, chewing quite loudly, before taking another sip of his wine. “I have been told that you have recently reconnected with an old friend. That must be nice.”

Catra immediately froze, fork unmoving over her plate. 

“Adora Grey, if I remember correctly. You two went to high school together, before going off on your own paths. I wonder what happened between the two of you. From what I heard, you two were incredibly close.”

Catra swallowed, slowly moving her eyeline up to meet Prime’s.

“It must have been hard to lose her back then. And now that you are reconnecting, those feelings must be very fresh in your memory. I can imagine that it would be especially hard to lose her yet again.”

Catra steeled herself. “You don’t know anything.”

“Be that as it may, Little Sister, it seems that you have little choice. I would hate to waste a talent like you. Scrappy, gritty, smart. You could be useful to me. Although there is the question of your connection to your Adora, but I’m sure you could be broken from that. I could free you from that affliction of yours. She hurt you. Wouldn’t it be nice, no longer harboring these secret feelings of yours? No longer questioning whether she feels the same way about you. No longer waiting for the inevitable rejection and heartbreak. I could set you free.”

Catra, once again, struggles to catch a satisfactory breath of air. 

“And so, I have decided to give you a choice. Your mother owes ten thousand dollars.” Catra’s mouth gaped. “You have by the end of the month to pay me back in your own way, or you can imagine the bad things that will happen. Or you could come work for me until the end of next week. I guarantee your debt will be paid, and we can reconsider the capacity of your employment then.”

“I will never work for you.”

“Then I hope you have a way to come up with ten thousand dollars in three weeks while working at a diner.”

That would wipe out her savings. She’d have to consider selling the trailer. She would be, for the lack of a better term, fucked.

“Give me two months,” she managed to grit out.

Prime smiled on. “This is not a negotiation.” Fuck how she wished she had said yes to some of that wine. “Little Sister, it seems to me as if there is an obvious solution to this conundrum of yours. That is, if you want to protect those you care about.”

Catra groaned. He was right. There was only one way forward, and it may not be a way out, but her hope was that she was at least opening up a few more opportunities. “I’ll work for you until the end of next week, and the debt is paid. I will not fucking work for you after that. I want a clean cut. Okay?”

“We will discuss your future tenure with my business at a later date, but I assure you that you will make enough money to not only pay me back but pad your own pockets quite nicely too.” And with that Prime, stuck out his bony pale hand across the table for Catra to take. She studied it. Prime didn’t quite agree to the clean cut, but she didn’t expect him to. She had just plain run out of options. Only one way forward. 

She took his hand, and he tightened his grip, the smile growing ominous on his face. “Little Brother!” he yelled over Catra’s shoulder. A clone appeared at the side of the table. Still tightly gripping onto Catra’s hand, still staring at her with evil in his eyes, he addressed the clone. “Input Little Sister here’s phone number into your cellphone. He practically snarled, “Meet our newest associate.”

Catra clenched her jaw. Well, this certainly wasn’t good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woof, Catra is really in it now isn't she. But that girl will figure it out, she always does. Hell, and maybe along the way she'll get her shit together and let someone (cough) Adora (cough) know what is happening. 
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome, did you read it? Did you like it? Did you not?
> 
> I don't know when I'll update, I get hit with random bouts of inspiration. But I'm on break until late January, so it should be soon.
> 
> Bye now.


End file.
